Military life is often exhausting, terrifying, and emotionally challenging. You have to be strong and disciplined to make it through the rigors of training and war. Admiral William H. McRaven, a retired Navy SEAL with 37 years of experience, faced many challenges during his career. He found strategies along the way that helped him through the difficult times. Many of these strategies resulted from his experiences as a SEAL-in-training and a Navy officer.
In 2014, McRaven organized his strategies into 10 life lessons for his commencement address at his alma mater, the University of Texas at Austin. Make Your Bed provides these lessons to you and expands on the experiences that formed them.
Start your day with one successful task completed, such as making your bed, and you will find the motivation to tackle others. When you make your bed first thing in the morning, you start the day with purpose and confidence. You will feel a sense of pride, and that same pride will greet you at night when you come to your made bed. This type of satisfaction will wash the day’s struggles away and prepare you for tomorrow.
McRaven learned the importance of a made bed during his training as a SEAL cadet. A perfectly made bed represented McRaven’s discipline. He started each day receiving acknowledgement from his superiors that he had fulfilled his duties successfully. This acknowledgement greeted him at the end of each day, and he went to bed proud of himself. When McRaven was recovering from a life-changing injury later in life, making his bed became a symbol of his determination to get better and desire to keep leading a productive life.
Life is full of struggles. Going through hard times alone is much more difficult than relying on the help of others to get you through. You need people you can count on to help navigate life’s difficult moments. The same is true for achieving success in life. The more others support you, the stronger and more confident you become.
McRaven learned the importance of teamwork as a SEAL-in-training. He and his unit of cadets were required to carry an inflatable raft everywhere they went and row it for miles through the choppy ocean water. When one of them was unable to perform to a high standard, the others pitched in to fill the void. They all remained successful because they helped each other when times were tough. Because of this experience, McRaven was more willing to accept the help of others after his injury and not just recover physically, but emotionally and professionally as well.
Everyone has more to them than what you’re able to see. You must look beyond skin deep to a person’s heart. You must reserve judgement and prejudice until you get to know who a person is. Even the meekest person can do great things, so value people for their character, not their appearance.
McRaven made the mistake of judging two men as being less suitable for the SEALs than he was because of how they looked. McRaven was tall and muscular, whereas these men were short and scrawny, respectively. Both men surprised him by showing courage in dangerous situations, and McRaven realized he misjudged the amount of heart they had because of what they looked like.
It’s easier to assume the world is against you than it is to admit that sometimes life just isn’t fair. But at the end of the day, you are the only person responsible for determining your fate. Don’t complain and fall back on misfortune as an excuse for why you can’t be happy. When you face disappointment, take the hits and move forward in whatever way you can.
McRaven learned that sometimes life is unfair when one of his training instructors punished him for no reason. The instructor believed that understanding the randomness of misfortune was necessary for McRaven to face the challenges of the Navy. When this same instructor had an accident years later that paralyzed him, McRaven saw how important this lesson really was. The instructor never complained that life was unfair. He accepted what had happened and moved forward with the life he still had.
No matter how hard you try to succeed, at some point, you will fail. When you fail, you can cower with defeat and give up, or you can use failure to push yourself harder and grow stronger. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t be afraid of trying again. If you can persevere through the consequences of failure, you will be better prepared for other difficult challenges that lie ahead.
One day, McRaven and his swim partner performed poorly on a two-mile swim. As a consequence, they were relegated to the Circus, a two-hour grueling endurance test at the end of the day for all the cadets who’d somehow failed. McRaven and his partner were exhausted the next day and failed again during the regular training. This cycle went on for days, but instead of giving up, they tried harder. The extra exercise made them stronger, and they rose to the top of the class.
If you live in fear of failure, struggle, or humiliation, you will never do what is necessary to achieve your goals or reach your potential. If you play it safe and limit your actions to mitigate failure, you will never know what you’re made of. You must be willing to push yourself to the limit to achieve something great. Dare greatly in life and receive great rewards.
McRaven couldn’t beat the SEALs obstacle course at first because he was afraid of hurting himself on one obstacle. Instead of sliding down a hundred-foot zipline head first, he used the safer but less efficient feet-first technique. He knew the only way to pass the course was to take a risk. When he finally went head first, he crossed the finish line in record time.
Courage is a powerful emotion. With courage, you can surmount any obstacle. With courage, you can stand up to any bully. Without it, you place yourself at the mercy of life and the actions of others. You have the courage inside of you to stand up to forces of oppression. If you want to accomplish your dreams, you must look inside and call up your courage.
McRaven had to find his courage when he was required to complete a four-mile ocean swim in the dark. He was afraid of the sharks that lived off the coast, but becoming a SEAL was too important. He dug deep and found the courage to keep swimming and face whatever challenge he faced in the water.
There will be many moments in life when your spirit gets crushed and you lose hope for the future. These are the moments in which you must search for the best version of yourself. You must rise to the challenge of moving forward with strength and dignity. In the darkest moments, do what must be done to show the world your best, and you can survive anything.
McRaven experienced plenty of opportunities to find strength during dark times. But witnessing the behaviors of various soldiers after losing a member of their units taught him the most about integrity. After paying their respects, service members must push past their pain and grief and remain firm during combat. McRaven was always inspired by the way these soldiers were able to keep fighting after tragedy.
With hope, you can move mountains and give those suffering a reason to keep moving forward. Raise your voice during dark times to inspire those around you. Be the one who makes a difference in someone else’s life by giving them hope for the future. It only takes one person to show someone that tomorrow will come.
McRaven and his fellow trainees were stuck in the cold, wet mud for a whole night during Hell Week, a week of the most grueling activities. All the men were exhausted and close to giving up. But then one of the men started to sing, and he inspired others to start singing. Together, they raised their voices and inspired each other to make it through the night.
Life is full of moments in which the odds of success seem so small, you can’t imagine ever winning. Throwing in the towel seems like the most logical thing to do. But when you reach the precipice between quitting and continuing, hold steady and take another step forward. As long as you keep moving forward, your life will be in your control. If life is going to beat you, make sure you go down fighting.
When McRaven started SEAL training, he was one of 150 cadets. That day, their commander showed them a bell. He said over the next six months, he was going to push the cadets to their limits and make their lives living hells. If they ever couldn’t take it anymore, they could ring the bell three times. Many cadets would ring the bell over the next six months, but not McRaven. He stood proud with 32 other cadets at their training graduation.
Although these lessons are founded in the culture of the military, McRaven believes each one of us can use them to get through the challenges of our lives. If you follow these 10 lessons, you can learn to live a more positive, productive, and meaningful life.
In 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven, a retired Navy SEAL with 37 years of experience, gave the commencement speech at his alma mater, the University of Texas at Austin. In his speech, McRaven provided guidance to the graduates on how to manage life’s challenges and lead a meaningful life. His advice comprised 10 lessons he’d learned during his tenure with the Navy SEALs that helped him deal with the trials of training and combat.
For years following that speech, people reached out seeking more information about those lessons. In response, McRaven wrote this book to disseminate his lessons to a wider audience and share some of the personal anecdotes about the experiences that helped shape him. Although these lessons were developed in a military environment, McRaven believes they apply to the universal struggles people encounter in their daily lives.
Each day, you’re likely required to manage various tasks. These tasks may include working, raising children, cleaning your home, or completing a project. When faced with this long list of responsibilities, you may often feel overwhelmed. But if you can start your day with one successful task completed, such as making your bed, you can find the motivation to tackle others.
When you make your bed first thing in the morning, you start the day with purpose and confidence. You have accomplished something, and regardless of what else happens during the day, you will feel a sense of pride. In addition, the pride you feel when you come to your made bed at night provides satisfaction that washes the day’s struggles away and prepares you for tomorrow. Start each day by making your bed, and set yourself up for success.
While training to be a Navy SEAL, McRaven lived in the barracks off the coast of Coronado, California. Each morning, his commanding officer inspected his uniform and bed. The officer started at the top, ensuring his green uniform hat was starched, and descended until he reached the boots. The boots needed to be polished to the point of reflection, like a mirror.
After inspecting the uniform, the officer moved to the bed. The proper way to make a bed in the Navy was to tuck the sheets and top blanket tightly under the single mattress. Another blanket was folded and placed at the foot of the bed. And a pillow was placed at the top, perfectly centered. Every layer had to be stretched tight with squared corners.
The officer pulled out a quarter and flipped it in the air. The quarter landed on the bed and sprung back up high enough for the officer to catch it. This was a sign of a well-made bed. McRaven received the customary nod of approval.
A perfectly made bed represented McRaven’s discipline. He started each day receiving acknowledgement of his fulfillment of his duties. This acknowledgement greeted him at the end of each day, and he went to bed proud of his success.
This habit became important later in McRaven’s life. When 9/11 happened in 2001, McRaven was stuck in a hospital bed at home after a parachuting accident. It was maddening for him to be convalescing when his country was beginning its fight against terrorism. He was eager to recover and get back to work. The first thing he did when he was finally able to get up was make the hospital bed. This act symbolized his return to normalcy after his injury and his readiness to move forward.
McRaven’s life as a soldier was often difficult. In a time of war, service members die, the work is hard and taxing, and the threat to your life is ever-present. It is difficult to stay focused and hopeful at times, but he always found solace in the simple task of making his bed. And in his often ugly world, the pride that action gave him was everything.
Making the bed is a simple task that everyone could do to start their day right. What are some other ways you can start your day feeling accomplished?
Do you make your bed first thing in the morning? If so, how do you feel after the bed is made? If not, what stops you from doing it?
How do you think starting your day with an accomplished task would affect your overall productivity?
What are some other simple tasks you can do every day to start your day productively?
No one is guaranteed a life without pain. You will eventually experience painful and tragic moments, and you may have already. Going through these hard times alone is much more difficult than relying on the help of others to get you through. You need people you can count on to help navigate life’s difficult moments.
The same is true for achieving success in life. If you try to navigate the choppy waters toward your goals or dreams alone, you expend more energy than is necessary. You may also find yourself off course without another person to help you paddle. Find people to love and who love you back. Your ability to have a positive life depends on it.
McRaven and the other SEAL candidates were required to carry a ten-foot rubber raft everywhere they went. Seven men carried it to the chow hall and up and down sand dunes during training drills. They paddled it through rough waters along the coast for miles at a time.
It took all seven men to make sure the boat stayed aloft or afloat at all times. But sometimes, all seven men weren’t up to the task. One of the men might be sick or too exhausted to pull their weight. At those times, the other six candidates pitched in with extra effort. McRaven sometimes needed this support, and throughout training, he found plenty of opportunities to repay the favor. The raft taught McRaven a valuable lesson about teamwork and supporting those who require assistance that never left him.
This lesson was important after a fellow soldier drifted underneath him during a routine training jump from an airplane 12,000 feet in the air. McRaven had reached the altitude when he was meant to deploy his parachute, but before he could, the other soldier deployed his. It hit McRaven like an airbag traveling at 120 miles per hour.
McRaven was sent into a spin and continued to plummet toward the ground. He tried to deploy his parachute to straighten out, but the ropes were tangled around both legs. The parachute caught air and ballooned above him, pulling his legs rapidly in different directions. His pelvis detached and damaged the muscles in his stomach and back.
After surgery, in which he received a titanium plate in his pelvis and a stabilizing screw in his spine, he was confined to the hospital bed at home for two months. He became depressed and wallowed in self-pity. He’d always believed he was physically fit enough to be impervious to injury. He’d proven as much several times during dangerous situations in combat, such as prematurely detonated bombs or sinking submarines.
Fortunately, his wife took care of him and reminded him who he was. She refused to let him wallow or complain, and he slowly started to feel like himself again. Still, the likelihood that the Navy would reinstate him after his recovery was small because of his physical alterations. But his boss worked around the system and helped him get reinstated into the SEALs.
McRaven knows that the only reason he made it through that difficult time was the love of his wife. And he attributes all professional successes following his recovery to the support he received from those inside the Navy.
We’ve all experienced times when we needed assistance in one form or another. Let’s look at how others have supported you when you needed it.
Name one recent moment in which you were struggling? Did you ask for help? Why or why not?
How likely are you to ask for help when you need it? Who are two people you could turn to?
What sort of support have you provided to someone in the past? How were you able to assist them?
Are you more likely to ask for help after reading about McRaven’s experiences? Why or why not?
There’s more to you than meets the eye. You have talents, determination, and courage that aren’t visible to the naked eye. There have been times when someone has doubted or judged you based on what you look like. You had to prove yourself to this person to be accepted or believed in.
You are not alone in this scenario. Everyone has more to them than what you’re able to see. You must look beyond skin deep to a person’s heart. More than anything else, it is the size of their heart that matters. You must allow for people to surprise you. You must reserve judgement and prejudice until you get to know who a person is. Even the smallest person can do great things, so value someone based on their heart, not their appearance.
Proving yourself was a way of life for McRaven and his fellow SEAL cadets. Each day brought new tests meant to determine their toughness and capability of living up to the rigors of SEAL life. McRaven, a tall and strapping young man, fit the ideal mold of a strong and worthy Navy SEAL. But there were others who were not physically compatible. For these men, the act of proving their worth was ten times harder.
McRaven had two experiences in which men who looked ill-equipped to manage the tough and demanding life of a Navy SEAL defied expectations. The first was during a two-mile swim training. The trainees lined up on the edge of the surf waiting to be inspected. One of the men was 5’4” and scrawny. The inspecting officer chided him for his small stature and, looking at the eight-foot waves rolling in, asked the man if he wanted to quit. The young man took the abuse and said he wasn’t a quitter.
An hour later, McRaven finished his swim and crawled back to the sand. Standing on the beach was the small man. He’d finished before nearly everyone else. McRaven was astonished. The inspector had challenged this man’s ability to keep up and perform, and the young man found the heart to prove him wrong.
The other experience was when McRaven was visiting the SEAL training grounds as a hopeful. He was waiting to meet with the recruiting officer when he saw a lanky, hippie-looking man loitering outside the recruiter’s office. McRaven felt sorry for the man. Someone had clearly given the man false hope that he could be a SEAL.
Halfway through McRaven’s meeting, the recruiting officer called the lanky man into the office. He introduced him to McRaven, stating that this man was the last recipient of the SEAL Medal of Honor for his valiant actions during Vietnam. McRaven was amazed to learn that this man was a hero. He’d gone into enemy territory to rescue two soldiers and taken a bullet to the face. He recovered from his injury and was now a member of the FBI’s Hostage Rescue squad.
Both of these instances taught McRaven never to judge someone by their appearance. Despite both of these men appearing weak and unsuitable for the SEALs, both had the heart of two men and had accomplished amazing feats.
We all tend to make split-second decisions about other people. How have McRaven’s experiences made you think differently about making assumptions about people?
Have you ever been proven wrong about someone you made an assumption about? Who was it?
What was your assumption, and what did you learn that changed your mind?
Why do you think people make judgements about others based on appearances?
How will you approach getting to know someone new in the future?
When things don’t go your way or you suffer a setback, you may want to blame external sources. It’s easier to assume the world is against you than it is to admit that sometimes life just isn’t fair. You may even look back over your past and find fault with your upbringing, your lot in life, or your lack of opportunities as the culprits for your current disappointment. But at the end of the day, you are the only person responsible for determining your fate.
Many great historical figures overcame adversity to reach great heights, such as Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., and Stephen Hawking. Like these people, you must accept that sometimes, even if you try your best and have all the skill and talent in the world, you will face challenges. You must face these challenges with the same determination you bring to your successes. Don’t complain and fall back on misfortune as an excuse for why you can’t be happy. Take the hits and move forward in whatever way you can.
SEAL Lieutenant Martin, known as Moki, was one of the instructors during McRaven’s SEAL training. Moki was a decorated and highly respected officer. He was skilled in combat and had survived Vietnam. He was a competitive triathlete and could out-perform any competitor.
McRaven remembered a morning when he and his fellow cadets were running sand dunes. They were dressed in full fatigues and had to jump into the ocean after their descent down the dune, combat boots and all. When McRaven emerged from the water, Moki gave him the signal to drop and roll in the sand. This action turned a person into what was called a “sugar cookie” because you were covered head to toe with sand.
The sugar cookie order was punishment for some infringement made during the course of training. Many soldiers had a hard time with the sugar cookie punishment because the order was often arbitrary. They felt insulted. They worked hard and were skilled and thought it unfair to have to live with the discomfort of sand in every crevice for the day.
When McRaven was fully covered with sand, including inside his pants and boots, Moki asked him if he knew what he’d done to deserve it. McRaven didn’t know. As an explanation, Moki said that sometimes life isn’t fair. McRaven was going to learn this lesson sooner or later, and it may as well be today.
At the time, McRaven believed this was just part of training and another cruel aspect of life as a cadet. But a year later, he realized the importance of that lesson and the strength required to live under its influence.
Lieutenant Moki collided with another bicyclist at 25 miles per hour one morning during a ride along the coast. He was paralyzed from the waist down and had limited use of his arms. For a man like Moki, this injury should have devastated him, for it essentially ended his life as he knew it.
Instead of complaining and giving up, Moki took the life he still had and made something new for himself. He became a painter, had a family, and organized a triathlon event for SEALs. He was able to push forward because he knew that sometimes life is just unfair. You can either accept it or spend the rest of your life resenting the world.
When you’re frustrated with life, it’s easy to want to find something or someone to blame. How has this tendency shown up in your life?
When have you blamed someone or something in your past for your inability to accomplish a goal? Describe the situation.
What could you have done differently to accomplish your goal despite the past influence?
Name one goal you’re currently struggling to accomplish.
What’s stopping you from achieving it? How can you overcome those obstacles?
Failure is part of life. No matter how hard you try to succeed or how much you try to avoid failure, at some point, you will fail. The law of averages dictates it. When you fail, you can cower with defeat and give up, or you can use failure to push yourself harder and grow stronger.
Accept that everyone makes mistakes. Learn from those mistakes. Don’t be afraid of trying again. If you can persevere through the consequences of failure, you will be better prepared for other difficult challenges that lie ahead.
In SEAL training, everyone has a swim buddy. These buddies are attached at the hip, figuratively and literally at times. If one buddy fails, both buddies suffer the consequences. McRaven learned this lesson after a particularly grueling training swim one day. He and Marc, his swim buddy, were well behind the other cadets when they crawled out of the water.
The training instructor ordered them to fall into the plank position and began berating them for their poor performance. He questioned whether they had what it took to be a SEAL and added their names to the Circus list. The Circus was an event at the end of the afternoon of training. All those who’d failed during one of the day’s events had to do another two hours of calisthenics.
The Circus created a nasty cycle of failure. The extra exertion left those in the Circus more fatigued than usual the next day. And because of that extra fatigue, it was likely a cadet would fall behind or fail again during that day’s training. Of course, this failure earned him another spot in the Circus. The Circus was meant to separate the strong from the weak. And many men quit after falling into the Circus cycle. McRaven and Marc got caught up in this cycle for days.
The last test for SEAL trainees was a 5-mile swim off the coast. You had to finish the swim in a certain time to graduate. After four hours, McRaven and Marc dragged out of the water. Just like before, the instructor ordered them into the plank position. And just like before, he told them that they had embarrassed their fellow trainees. Then, after a moment, he broke character and told the men to stand up. In fact, McRaven and his buddy had finished first. Because neither had quit during their time in the Circus, they had grown stronger from the extra training.
This lesson came in handy years later when McRaven was fired from his SEAL team command post. He’d tried to implement changes to how the team operated, and his bosses didn’t approve. He was demoted and transferred to another SEAL regiment. Everywhere he went, the other officers looked at him like a failure. McRaven thought about quitting, but he didn’t. He used the failure to push him to work harder.
Eventually, he was able to prove himself as a strong and capable SEAL leader again. He was even given his own team after a few more years and later became the head of all West Coast SEAL teams. The decision to learn from his mistakes not only saved his career but also helped him reach heights he may not have felt compelled to work for otherwise.
As you learned in the previous lesson, failure is an eventual certainty in your life. More than learning from your mistakes, you first have to be willing to make them. If you live in fear of failure, struggle, or humiliation, you will never do what is necessary to achieve your goals or reach your potential.
Much of life is a struggle. In difficult times, you’ll feel fear. If you play it safe and limit your actions to mitigate failure, you will never know what you’re made of. You must learn to have faith in yourself and push past your anxieties to accomplish your goals. You must be willing to push yourself to the limit to achieve something great. Dare greatly in life and receive great rewards.
SEALs-in-training must complete a strenuous obstacle course every now and then. Their times are recorded, and a poor time can mean joining the day’s Circus or suffering embarrassment in front of the other trainees. McRaven performed well on every aspect of the obstacle course except for the “Slide for Life.” This particular obstacle required the trainees to slide 100 feet down a rope that started 30 feet above ground. The optimal way to slide was headfirst on top of the rope, but it was also the riskiest technique.
McRaven was scared to slide headfirst. Instead, he hung below the rope feet first and inched his way down. After finishing with a dismal time one day, the instructor told him he was never going to beat the course if he didn’t start taking risks. McRaven knew he was right. The next week, he went headfirst down the Slide for Life and finished with a personal best. From this lesson, he learned that trusting in his abilities was required to push past what he thought was possible.
This lesson served him well in 2004 when he was in charge of a rescue mission of three hostages held by Al Qaeda. Rescue missions were performed at night to use the darkness as cover. But this day, intelligence informed them that the hostages were about to be moved. If they didn’t act fast, they would lose them.
McRaven gave the orders to conduct a Black Hawk rescue mission in broad daylight. It would be an incredibly daring and risky mission with no element of surprise. But he trusted the abilities of the Black Hawk forces and knew they trusted their own. McRaven watched the mission from his headquarters. The helicopters dropped into the small compound efficiently and were able to raid the buildings and save the hostages within minutes.
McRaven believes in the British Special Air Service’s motto, “Who Dares Wins.” This motto helped him during both of the above experiences. He believes everyone should use this motto when approaching their lives.
It’s not easy to be daring in life. But sometimes it is necessary to get what you want.
Do you push yourself beyond your limits when faced with a challenge, or do you tend to play it safe? Why?
What were the circumstances surrounding the last time you chose to take the easy way out of a difficult situation?
If you had the chance to approach that situation differently, would you? Why or why not?
Courage is a powerful emotion. With courage, you can surmount any obstacle. With courage, you can stand up to any bully. Without it, you place yourself at the mercy of life and the actions of others. Just like a society rises up to defeat a nefarious dictator, you must find the courage to rise up and defeat whatever stands in the way of your success.
Every bully is the same. They feed on the fear of those they oppress to grow stronger. They are like sharks in the water, circling their prey and waiting for weakness. These sharks are everywhere in life, including work, society, and social circles. If you give in and cower, they will attack you. The consequences could be deadly either physically or spiritually. You have the courage inside of you to stand up to forces of oppression. If you want to accomplish your dreams, you must look inside and call up your courage.
SEAL training swims often took place at night. Night swims were scary endeavors. There were several shark species that lived in waters off the coast of San Clemente Island near Coronado. But the most dangerous species was the great white shark, a notorious hunter with a particular taste for human flesh.
McRaven and his swim buddy set off from the Naval ship floating off the island’s coast and headed for shore. They were in the middle of the open ocean in the dark. The only thing they could see was each other. They were scared of the sharks they might encounter, but their desire to be a SEAL was greater than their fear. Their determination to achieve this goal gave them the courage to keep swimming and face whatever shark they had to along the way.
This courage in the face of a formidable enemy helped McRaven later when he was put in charge of supervising Saddam Hussein after he was captured. Even in captivity, McRaven saw the power Hussein held over the Iraqi leaders who came to admonish him. McRaven knew the only way to diffuse this bully’s power was to take it away. McRaven ordered his men to isolate Hussein and refrain from speaking to him. They were not to show fear or defer to him in any way.
Thirty days later, Hussein was a changed man. He had lost his arrogance and tyrant demeanor. The courage of the American soldiers had stripped him of his power and neutralized his threat. The Iraqi government found their courage to try Hussein, the man who’d ruled for decades under a reign of fear, and find him guilty of crimes against humanity.
Life encompasses many tragedies. You may lose a loved one, a job, or a dream. Terrorists may fly planes into buildings, and viruses may ravage a nation. There will be many moments in which your spirit gets crushed and makes you lose hope for the future.
These are the moments in which you must search for the best version of yourself. You must rise to the challenge of moving forward with strength and dignity. In the darkest moments, do what must be done to show the world your best, and you can survive anything.
One of the most difficult tests the SEAL trainees had to pass was the final dive training mission. They were required to swim underwater for 2,000 meters and attach a practice mine to the bottom of a target vessel in San Diego Bay. They had to use a bubbleless SCUBA tool called the Emersion closed-circuit diving rig. This rig was known to malfunction, and rumor had it that some trainees had lost their lives during previous missions.
As McRaven and his fellow trainees stood on the beach awaiting orders for this mission, a thick fog rolled in, obscuring their already reduced line of sight. The commanding instructor seemed to sense the increased danger when he delivered the orders to the trainees. He warned the men that they would be in complete darkness and may become disoriented or separated from the group. He told them they would have to perform to the best of their abilities. They could not let fear, exhaustion, or a lack of confidence stop them. In the darkness, they had to rise above and become warriors.
McRaven never forgot those words over his career. And he saw this sort of behavior in many men and women over the years. Most notably, he was always awed by the strength these service members showed after one of their own was killed in combat. They would take part in the ramp ceremony, in which the casket was draped in the American flag and placed on a plane to be taken home.
After paying their respects, these men and women had to rise above their grief and go back to combat and fight another day. They couldn’t let the darkness overcome them. They knew their fallen soldier wouldn’t want them to give up. This type of strength in the face of their darkest moment was inspiring and showed McRaven what it meant to be your best in the darkest hour.
Finding strength when faced with tragedy is not always easy. But often it is the only way to keep moving forward.
Name one time you found strength in the midst of darkness in your life. What attitudes or beliefs allowed you to find and maintain this strength?
Do you typically remain strong when all hope is lost? Why or why not?
What sort of behaviors represent becoming the best version of yourself when times are tough?
Life is nothing without hope. In the face of life’s most difficult challenges, a little hope can go a long way in bringing people back from darkness. With hope, you can give even those suffering the most a reason to keep moving forward.
You and those around you will find yourselves stuck in the mud. You will feel exhausted and at the end of your rope. In these moments, sing loudly for all to hear. In other words, raise your voice during dark times to inspire those around you. Be the one who makes a difference in someone else’s life by giving them hope for the future. It only takes one person to show someone that tomorrow will come.
Hell Week in SEALs training was the ultimate test of whether the trainees had what it took to be in the toughest branch of the military. For six days, cadets did not sleep, suffered constant harassment from the instructors, and moved through endless endurance activities. More cadets quit their training during this week than at any other moment. One of the most grueling activities of this week took place in the Tijuana mudflats.
After McRaven and his group arrived at the mudflats, they were ordered into the mud. They ran calisthenic drills and competed in races and other competitions. The mud was wet and cold, and moving through it was like running with anvils attached to your legs. After the drills, they had to sit in the mud until morning.
McRaven and the others were chest-deep in the mud their third night of Hell Week. The ocean breeze was cold and blowing hard. They were drenched, filthy, freezing, and bone tired. With three more days of Hell Week left, many of the men started to lose their resolve.
One of the instructors told the men they could come out of the mud and sit with the officers by a fire pit. They would be served coffee and chicken soup. They could relax for the night. The temptation was strong, but if you chose to quit, it meant quitting the SEALs.
A trainee next to McRaven started climbing out of the mud. McRaven tried to stop him, but the pull of warmth and rest was too strong. Then, out of nowhere, someone started singing. It was a common song, and soon each trainee joined in. The instructor tried to shut the singing down. He insulted the class leader for his conduct and threw out a slew of threats. But the men kept singing. The trainee who’d started to climb out resettled next to McRaven.
The instructor smiled and went back to the fire. The singing had brought the men together and given them hope. If one of them could find the strength to sing during this horrendous moment, they could all find the same strength and survive the night. And they did.
McRaven saw a similar effect at Dover Air Force Base years later. The worst day of casualties the American military suffered in the War on Terror took the lives of 38 SEALs and Army soldiers. All of the families were waiting for the arrival of the bodies, and the atmosphere was grim. McRaven had attended many fallen warrior ceremonies, but he still felt incompetent in assuaging the family members’ suffering.
On this day, he watched as one man, Marine Lieutenant General John Kelly, made his way from family to family. Whatever he said to them had a profound effect on the family members, and McRaven saw hope return to their faces.
Kelly had lost his own son in the war years before. He and his family struggled with their grief, but they were able to make it through. His words to the families that day were words of encouragement and strength. He showed these families that surviving this tragedy was possible. He gave them hope for a better tomorrow.
When life gets tough or things don’t go your way, it is much easier to give in and quit than continue forward. Life is full of moments in which the odds of success seem so small, you can’t imagine ever winning. Throwing in the towel seems like the most logical thing to do. You can do that. You can feel pity for yourself, blame others, and complain about how unfair the world is. If you do these things, your life will be a long and uncomfortable journey.
When you reach the precipice between quitting and continuing, hold steady and take another step forward. Refuse to back down. Stand your ground and work despite the odds. As long as you keep moving forward, your life will be in your control. No one can stop you from doing what you love. Only you can quit, and you will likely regret it forever. Never, ever, under any circumstances quit. If life is going to beat you, make sure you go down fighting.
McRaven stood at attention with 150 other SEAL hopefuls the first day of training. A commanding officer strode across the courtyard and stood next to a bell. He told the men what they could expect from the next six months. He would push them to their limits. He would make sure they understood pain. He would make them feel worthless and humiliated in front of each other. He would do everything in his power to get them to quit.
Then, the officer rang the bell. He said if any of them ever decided the training was too much, they could ring the bell three times. Ringing the bell would release them from all their pain. However, he said, if they rang the bell, they would likely regret it for the rest of their lives. Quitting was easy, but it didn’t make life easier.
On graduation day, only 33 of the original 150 trainees remained. Of all the lessons McRaven learned during his training, “never ring the bell” was the most significant. This lesson stayed with him during his career and helped him through difficult times. He also witnessed countless other service members refuse to quit, which inspired others to do the same.
One of the most significant examples of this refusal to give up came from a young soldier who’d stepped on a mine his first week in combat. McRaven visited him in the Afghanistan hospital and saw that the 19-year-old boy had lost both his legs and suffered massive burns to the rest of his body.
The boy couldn’t speak, but he knew sign language. Using a reference sheet, McRaven was able to hold a small conversation with the soldier. Before the boy drifted back to sleep, he signed four words: I will be okay. A year later, McRaven saw the young man standing with prosthetic legs. He was in uniform and back in the fold of his unit. He was joking around with fellow soldiers and looked every bit as okay as he promised he would be.
McRaven knew this young man refused to quit, even when faced with several medical procedures and months of rehabilitation. He stayed strong and stayed the course, and he made it through to the other side.
Put all of these lessons together to use as a mode of operation for how to change your life for the better. Remember:
Lead this type of life, and you can become anyone you want to be. You may even save the world along the way.
There is no shame in opting for the easy way out sometimes. Everyone has done it at least once. The key is to finish what you’ve started more times than not.
Think of a time when you quit something when the going got rough? Describe the situation.
Why do you think the obstacles were too great to overcome?
Do you have a passion like McRaven does for the SEALs that feels daunting to achieve? What is it, and what obstacles stand between you and your dream?
How do McRaven’s experiences help you understand how to “never ring the bell” on your passion?