Many of us find life continuously unsatisfying. We can distract the nagging feeling for a time, but it inevitably comes back. We must have more. Things must be better. We get stuck in “if only” wishful thinking mode - “if only I had X, all my problems will be solved.”
There is no satisfying this impulse. You will never have enough. You equilibrate so quickly to your environment that nothing is ever satisfying enough. The only winning move is not to play.
Is there another way to live? You can control your mind to step outside the endless cycle of desire and aversion. You can learn not to stop wanting what you currently crave, to recognize desires but not be controlled by them.
Meditation is the path to this level of understanding and mental peace. It purifies the mind of “psychic irritants,” bringing you to a new state of tranquility and awareness. It makes you deeply aware of your own thoughts and actions.
Meditation involves concentration, like prayer and yogic meditation. But concentration is a means to an end - the ultimate goal is awareness, or mindfulness.
Awareness is the ability to listen to our own thoughts without being caught up in them.
For much of your life, you have given in to your impulses out of habit. When you’re mindful you see through the “hollow shouting of your own impulses” and pierce their secret. Your urges yell at you, coaxing, beckoning, threatening, but you realize they have no power at all.
Meditation is very sensitive to the mental attitude you bring to the activity. Here’s the right attitude to have while meditating.
Don’t expect anything. Sit back and see what happens. See it as an experiment. Let the meditation move along at its own speed and in its own direction. Throw away your preconceptions of what it should feel like and what it should achieve.
Don’t strain or rush. Counter-intuitively, the more you force things, the further you’ll be from your goal.
Accept everything that arises. Don’t condemn yourself for having feelings you wish you didn’t have. Accept them. This is the first step to removing yourself of them.
Don’t ponder. Thinking won’t free you from the trap. Meditation purifies the mind naturally by mindfulness, without using thoughts or words. Don’t think. See.
Determine how long you are going to meditate. Beginners can start at 10-20 minutes. But do not worry about attaining any particular goal within a particular time period - this will just be distracting and counterproductive.
Sit in a comfortable pose. Do not change the position again until the time you determined at the beginning. Shifting positions will avoid giving you a deep level of concentration.
Sit motionlessly and close your eyes.
Your mind is like a cup of muddy water. Keep it still, and the mud will settle down and the water will be seen clearly.
The mind must focus on a mental object that is present at every moment. The book recommends starting with focusing on your breath.
Take 3 deep breaths. Then breathe normally and effortlessly, focusing your attention on the rims of your nostrils where the air is flowing through.
Keep focusing your attention on your breath.
Do not verbalize or conceptualize anything. Simply notice the incoming and outgoing breath, and notice as the breath lengthens as you relax.
When your mind wanders and gets distracted, bring it back. The book suggests counting in a variety of ways, basically to distract your mind back to breathing:
When distracted, gently but firmly return to your focus. Do not get upset or judge yourself from straying. Do not force things out of your mind - this adds energy to the thoughts that will make them return stronger.
Over time, your breathing will become shallower and more subtle. This is an indicator of concentration.
The mind must keep up with what is happening at every moment, so do not try to stop the mind at any one moment. This is momentary concentration.
When you feel in a state of concentration, the mind can then move to other sounds, memories, or emotions, one at a time. As they fade away, let your mind return to the breath.
Establish a formal practice schedule. Set aside a certain time.
Once a day is enough when you begin.
Start with 20-30 minutes for sitting. Over time, you can lengthen this, so that regular practitioners can sit for hours.
It is tradition to begin meditation with a few recitations. They have a practical purpose for psychological cleansing and aren’t meant to be dogmatic rituals. Here’s one that wishes well on yourself and others.
“May ___ be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to ___. May they always meet with spiritual success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life. May they always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness, and wisdom.”
Repeat this recitation multiple times, replacing the blanks with these in order: I | my parents | my teachers | my relatives | my friends | all indifferent persons | all unfriendly persons | all living beings.
Mindfulness is egoless awareness. If you start with ego in full control, it is difficult to get mindfulness started. If your mind is in fury, it’s hard to focus during meditation.
This recitation overcomes the ego. Balance the negative emotion by instilling a positive one. Giving confronts greed; benevolence confronts hatred.
First you banish thoughts of self-hatred and self-condemnation, letting good wishes flow to yourself.
Then you expand out to other people, overcoming greed, selfishness, resentment, and hatred.
How can you wish well on your enemies?
If you haven’t ever tried meditating, parts of this summary will sound hokey, too ethereal and wishy-washy. “Loving friendliness? Nonconceptual awareness? Hogwash!” You can redefine these terms in your own words in a way that’s satisfying to you.
You might be resistant to trying meditation, thinking it’s too contrived or it’ll “make you lose your edge.” If you’re perfectly content with how you react to life, have great emotional control, and are strongly fulfilled, then you might not benefit much from mindfulness. But if not and you’re not sure how to improve it - why not try it out?
Meditation requires regular practice to achieve lasting benefits. You can’t meditate a few times and expect to achieve complete equanimity. Use the suggestions in this book summary to start a regular practice.
Many of us find life continuously unsatisfying. We can distract the nagging feeling for a time, but it inevitably comes back. We must have more. Things must be better. We get stuck in “if only” wishful thinking mode - “if only I had X, all my problems will be solved.”
There is no satisfying this impulse. You will never have enough. You equilibrate so quickly to your environment that nothing is ever satisfying enough. The only winning move is not to play.
Popular media invokes the emotions of jealousy, suffering, stress, and anger. People who are at peace with themselves do not feel these feelings.
The culprit of dissatisfaction lies in categorization of experiences as good, bad, and neutral.
When we endlessly chase pleasure, flee from pain, and ignore most of our experience, is it any wonder life tastes flat?
Is there another way to live? You can control your mind to step outside the endless cycle of desire and aversion. You can learn not to stop wanting what you currently crave, to recognize desires but not be controlled by them.
Consider another frame of mind - we crave things, not for the goals themselves, but as a means to an end. We eat food so that we satiate hunger and satisfy the drive. We earn money so that we can relieve our problems and end tension.
To begin, you must see yourself as who you are without illusion or judgment. Then you see your place in society among other humans, and see the collection as a single unit.
Meditation is the path to this level of understanding and mental peace. It purifies the mind of “psychic irritants,” bringing you to a new state of tranquility and awareness. It makes you deeply aware of your own thoughts and actions.
Through meditation, you learn compassion and ethics from within, not without.
Think about where you feel unsatisfied.
Do you identify with the feeling that you find life continuously unsatisfying? What does that feel like? What do you feel you don’t have enough of?
What do you wish you felt instead? How would you behave with this new mindset?
Mindfulness in Plain English deals specifically with vipassana meditation (or insight meditation), with roots in Theravada Buddhism.
There are other forms of meditation, and misconceptions about meditation, that this book is not dealing with:
Furthermore, meditation is not mindless, automatic, and predictable. It should be an experiment every time. If you reach a feeling of predictability in your practice, you have stagnated and gone off track. Look at each second as though it were the first and only second in the universe.
Meditation involves concentration, like prayer and yogic meditation. But concentration is a means to an end - the ultimate goal is awareness, or mindfulness.
Awareness is the ability to listen to our own thoughts without being caught up in them.
Awareness is attentive listening, mindful seeing. You look at what is right there in front of you, rather than getting caught up in an endless thought-stream that overrides reality.
Awareness is being completely honest with yourself. You watch your mind and body, notice things that are unpleasant to realize, then come to terms with it.
When you’re mindful you see through the “hollow shouting of your own impulses” and pierce their secret. Your urges yell at you, coaxing, beckoning, threatening, but you realize they have no power at all.
For much of your life, you have given in to your impulses out of habit. You don’t realize that they’re merely empty threats. But once you look beyond the threat, you realize: behind your urges, it is all empty.
(Shortform note: if you’re a novice meditator, the rest of this chapter may be vague. The lessons may feel more visceral once you practice further.)
The ultimate object of mindfulness is to learn to see the Buddhist truths of existence: impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and selflessness.
Impermanence
Unsatisfactoriness
Selflessness
The three factors of meditation are morality, concentration, and wisdom. These influence the other.
Meditation can also lead to intuitive problem solving. When your conscious mind gets in the way of solving a thorny problem, your intuition can pop out a solution.
Meditation is very sensitive to the mental attitude you bring to the activity. Here’s the right attitude to have while meditating.
Don’t expect anything. Sit back and see what happens. See it as an experiment. Let the meditation move along at its own speed and in its own direction. Throw away your preconceptions of what it should feel like and what it should achieve.
Don’t strain or rush. Counter-intuitively, the more you force things, the further you’ll be from your goal.
Accept everything that arises. Don’t condemn yourself for having feelings you wish you didn’t have. Accept them. This is the first step to removing yourself of them.
Don’t expect the same thing every time. Every meditation is an experiment, and the feeling is just momentary. You will stagnate your practice.
Investigate for yourself. Don’t take any word as scripture. Even Buddha was a nonconformist, avoiding dogma. Discover your own insights and methods.
Don’t ponder. Thinking won’t free you from the trap. Meditation purifies the mind naturally by mindfulness, without using thoughts or words. Don’t think. See.
Don’t dwell upon contrasts. Focus on similarities.
Next, Mindfulness in Plain English introduces the starting steps to practicing meditation:
Determine how long you are going to meditate. Beginners can start at 10-20 minutes. But do not worry about attaining any particular goal within a particular time period - this will just be distracting and counterproductive.
Sit in a comfortable pose. Do not change the position again until the time you determined at the beginning. Shifting positions will avoid giving you a deep level of concentration.
Sit motionlessly and close your eyes.
Your mind is like a cup of muddy water. Keep it still, and the mud will settle down and the water will be seen clearly.
The mind must focus on a mental object that is present at every moment. The book recommends starting with focusing on your breath.
Take 3 deep breaths. Then breathe normally and effortlessly, focusing your attention on the rims of your nostrils where the air is flowing through.
Do not verbalize or conceptualize anything. Simply notice the incoming and outgoing breath, and notice as the breath lengthens as you relax.
When your mind wanders, bring it back. The book suggests counting in a variety of ways, basically to distract your mind back to breathing:
(Shortform note: Don’t beat yourself up over getting distracted. Don’t fixate on the goal of achieving some desired end state. Don’t feel like a failure for not meeting mindfulness. Instead, think of meditation as the exercise of bringing your mind back to concentration. Every distraction is a chance to practice this and get better.)
Over time, your breathing will become shallower and more subtle. This is an indicator of concentration.
The mind must keep up with what is happening at every moment, so do not try to stop the mind at any one moment. This is momentary concentration.
When you feel in a state of concentration, the mind can then move to other sounds, memories, or emotions, one at a time. As they fade away, let your mind return to the breath.
Analogy: As we breathe in and out, we experience a small degree of calmness, as the relief of tension from suffocating. The calmness does not last as long as we wish, causing annoyance. We desire permanence in an impermanent situation, which causes unhappiness. However, if we watch our breathing without desiring calmness, and we experience only the moment of breath, our mind becomes peaceful and calm. We don’t want a different state, and we don’t beoman its transience - we simply enjoy it for what it is in the moment.
The author is clear to say that you should learn by doing, not by following dogmatic prescriptions. However, there are certain meditation practices that have been optimized over millennia, and they’re worth trying out.
The body position is meant to provide stability to remove distractions and create immobility of the mind.
Sit with your back straight. The spine should be erect, with the head in line with the spine. Be relaxed, not stiff. Have no muscular tension.
Your clothing should be loose and soft. Don’t wear clothing so tight it restricts blood flow or nerve sensation. Take your shoes off.
You can choose to sit on the floor on in a chair.
When sitting on the floor:
When sitting on a chair:
Sit in the entire session in that posture without moving.
The state you are aiming for is where you are aware of everything that is happening in the moment, observing your thoughts forming and disappearing without engaging in the thoughts.
This is different from thinking about all thoughts that come up, which is akin to daydreaming.
There is a difference between being aware of a thought and thinking a thought. The “texture” is different.
The object is to use breathing as the focus of concentration. Your breath is the reference point from which the mind wanders and is drawn back. Distractions, by definition, are deviations from a central focus. From this central focus of breathing, you then go on to note all physical and mental other phenomena that arise.
Why focus on breathing, and not any other thought or sensation? The author recommends breathing as the object of focus because:
Distractions will naturally arise. You’ll learn ot deal with them.
At times you will find yourself utterly incapable of wrangling your mind from thinking random thoughts. You will not be aware of where the thoughts come from, and you will feel crazy. This is the “monkey-mind.” Realize that your mind has always been this way - you have just never noticed.
Gently but firmly return to your focus. Do not get upset or judge yourself from straying. Do not force things out of your mind - this adds energy to the thoughts that will make them return stronger.
Set small goals. Try to focus for just one inhalation and exhalation. You will still fail, but keep at it.
(Shortform note: Again, don’t beat yourself up over getting distracted. Don’t fixate on the goal of achieving some desired end state. Don’t feel like a failure for not meeting mindfulness. Instead, think of meditation as the exercise of bringing your mind back to concentration. Every distraction is a chance to practice this and get better.)
Just as you should avoid thinking, you should avoid sinking. Sinking is the dimming of awareness, a mental vacuum where there is no thought, no concentration on anything. It is like a dreamless sleep. It is a void to be avoided.
Do not go in expecting goals, like the ability to solve problems. This will load your brain with problems to be solved. Take a break from all that worrying and planning. Let your meditation be a complete vacation. The problems will take care of themselves later.
Meditation requires continuous practice, and so it benefits from structure.
The environment: Sit in a quiet, secluded place where you won’t be disturbed. Don’t be on display or feel self-conscious. Avoid places with music or talking. Ideally sit in the same place each time.
Establish a formal practice schedule. Set aside a certain time.
Once a day is enough when you begin.
Don’t overdo it so you feel like it’s a chore, or so you expect magical results when you apply it too intensely. The best is when you look forward to sitting.
Start with 20-30 minutes for sitting.
Choose the length before sitting, and stick to it. Don’t peek at your watch during it, just let the sitting come to a close.
After a year, you should be able to sit for an hour at a time. Seasoned meditators practice 3-4 hours a day.
Don’t force yourself to sit with pain just to feel all tough and mighty. This isn’t an endurance contest.
It is tradition to begin meditation with a few recitations. They have a practical purpose for psychological cleansing and aren’t meant to be dogmatic rituals.
(Shortform note: similarly, there is a commonly accepted way to swim the breaststroke or hit a golf ball or do long division - meditation should be no different despite it being a mental rather than a physical activity.)
Try these out and if they don’t work for you, then discard them.
“I am about to tread the very same path that has been walked by the Buddha and by his great and holy disciples. An indolent person cannot follow that path. May my energy prevail. May I succeed.”
This recitation is used to overcome the hesitation when facing the large task ahead of you. Your mind is a jumble, and overcoming that looks like climbing a massive wall. Knowing that others have struggled with the same issues and succeeded should imbue you with confidence.
This wishes loving kindness on others.
“May ___ be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to ___. May they always meet with spiritual success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life. May they always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness, and wisdom.”
Repeat this recitation multiple times, replacing the blanks with these in order: I | my parents | my teachers | my relatives | my friends | all indifferent persons | all unfriendly persons | all living beings.
Mindfulness is egoless awareness. If you start with ego in full control, it is difficult to get mindfulness started. If your mind is in fury, it’s hard to focus during meditation.
This recitation overcomes the ego. Balance the negative emotion by instilling a positive one. Giving confronts greed; benevolence confronts hatred.
First you banish thoughts of self-hatred and self-condemnation, letting good wishes flow to yourself.
Then you expand out to other people, overcoming greed, selfishness, resentment, and hatred.
This is “universal loving friendliness.”
But you dislike your enemies. How can you wish well on your enemies?
This is also useful to recite for bedtime and after rising. It makes it easier to get up in the morning. It blocks resentment from forming.
Both of these statements need to be consciously thought about and participated in. You can’t just recite empty words and expect a miracle.
Try the recitation to practice loving kindness to people you don’t usually wish it for.
The recitation: “May ___ be well, happy and peaceful. May no harm come to _. May they always meet with spiritual success. May they also have patience, courage, understanding, and determination to meet and overcome inevitable difficulties, problems, and failures in life. May they always rise above them with morality, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, mindfulness, and wisdom.”
Repeat this recitation multiple times (out loud or in your head), replacing the blanks with these in order: I | my parents | my teachers | my relatives | my friends | all indifferent persons | all unfriendly persons | all living beings. You can also picture specific people with whom you have problems.
How do you feel afterward? Do you sense any changes in someone you previously felt friction with?
Sometimes your meditation will feel like hitting a brick wall. These are opportunities to develop your practice. Instead of running away, you confront the problem head-on, examining it to oblivion. If you can deal with issues that arise in meditation, it will carry over to the rest of your life.
Buddhist philosophy: “pain is inevitable. Suffering is not.” Bad things happen to everyone. How you deal with it and interpret it determines how you are affected emotionally by bad things.
For all problems that arise, the general approach is to observe it mindfully without getting engaged. Watch the problem form, peak, and dissipate. Notice its intensity and how it affects the body. The problem will naturally dissipate. And you will find that many of our day-to-day emotions are simply superficial mental states that have no control over you.
The common problems that arise:
It’s easier to concentrate in areas without distractions, hence why Buddhist monks go to meditation halls free of the other gender, noise, and daily concerns like food.
Example distractions are sounds, sensations, emotions, fantasy. Emotions include desire, aversion, self-condemnation, agitation, doubt.
For all distractions that arise, the general approach is to observe it mindfully without getting engaged. Watch the distraction form and dissipate. Notice its intensity and how it affects the body. Notice how long it lasts. Don’t help or hinder the thought. The distraction will naturally dissipate.
The ideal you’re going for is to experience each mental state fully, adding nothing to it nor missing a part of it. Example: with pain, there is a pure, flowing sensation. You don’t reject it, attach words to it, or think about it. You don’t picture a colored diagram of the leg with lightning bolts shooting at where it hurts. Instead, you simply become aware of it and watch it come and go.
Thoughts are often verbalized as “I have a pain in my leg.” You add the “I” to the experience, identifying with the pain. Leave “I” out of it - then pain is not painful, it’s simply a surging energy flow.
Don’t force the distraction away. Switch your attention to it briefly. It will eventually go away. “Fight with them and they gain strength. Watch them with detachment and they wither.”
Ponder these things wordlessly. While at first you’ll need to ask your questions in words, soon you will do it by second nature and then return to the breath. It’s a nonconceptual process.
Do not condemn yourself for having distractions that detract from mindfulness. Mindfulness requires a target of focus, and distractions are a secondary object of attention taking you away from breathing. Distractions are an exercise to get through, much like a hurdle in a race. They are the very object of practice.
Trickiest of all is positive mental states - happiness, peace, compassion. Depriving yourself of this makes you feel like a traitor to humanity. But treat them like any other mental state - don’t become attached. Observe them for what they are, and watch them come and go.
If multiple sensations arise at once, then focus on the strongest one, let it fade away, then return to your breathing.
Sometimes you won’t be able to merely observe the distraction and ponder them without thoughts. In these cases, there are more techniques:
As you begin, you’ll notice yourself getting caught in a thought pattern for unknown minutes before you snap back into mindfulness. This is an unconscious mental state taking over your brain.
As you practice, you will become better at detecting when the subconscious thought arises - as the author describes it, you learn to “extend your awareness down into the boiling darkness where thought and sensation begin.”
Ideally, you become aware of the thinking sensation exactly as it arises. If you catch it too late, you miss the beginning.
Over time, you will observe your thoughts and mental states as separate things. You will decouple your automatic reaction from a sensation.
Mindfulness is difficult to attach words to, as by nature it is presymbolic (it exists beyond the use of symbols to represent it). But the author tries to describe what characterizes mindfulness:
Practically, mindfulness clears your mind of psychic irritants by allowing you to become aware of them, observe them objectively without emotion, recognize their destruct impact, and allow them to dissipate without their taking over you.
Concentration and mindfulness are different things.
Mindfulness picks the objects of attention and notice when the focus has strayed. Concentration does the actual work of holding the attention steady. Concentration is the sun’s parallel rays, and mindfulness is the lens that focuses the rays onto an object.
They should be developed as a team. Mindfulness is more important, but one cannot survive without the other.
The ultimate goal is to be mindful in every waking moment outside of meditation. Meditation is merely practice for this ultimate goal, instilling new habits. What’s the point if you feel at peace during meditation but return to the real world with anger?
It’s essential to apply effort to connect meditation with the rest of your existence. Otherwise, the carryover will be slow and unreliable without dedicated effort. The below exercises allow you to practice little bits of mindfulness outside the sitting meditation. You go into a meditative state when doing everyday activities - walking, drinking tea, breathing, waiting - and develop mindfulness outside sitting meditation.
With time, you will pleasantly find that you’re meditating without thinking about it - driving down the freeway or brushing your teeth.
Sitting meditation is by nature still, but conscious life is all about motion. To translate mindfulness practices over into the conscious life, Bhante recommends practicing meditation while walking slowly.
Here’s how to do it:
For a few seconds periodically, examine your body from head to toe. How is your body arranged? How are you holding it? What is sore? What else do you feel?
The purpose is not to correct your posture or admonish yourself for having bad posture. Instead, it’s a break from the day.
Slow down an everyday activity to 10x the time it normally takes to complete. Witness every single component of the action, pay full attention to every nuance.
For example, if you are sitting and drinking tea:
Do the same with your thoughts, words, and movements.
When moving, coordinate the activity with your breathing. (Walking, biking, cleaning, etc). This lends a flowing rhythm to your movement and smooths out transitions.
Do you feel you have any periods of wasted time in your day? When you feel bored?
Turn every spare moment into meditation. Be alert and aware throughout the day. What are you feeling at the moment? Why?
Examples - while waiting at the doctor’s office; in line at the supermarket; while doing menial labor.
Aim for the situation where there is little difference between seated meditation and the rest of life. You’re supposed to be meditating all the time. If you are angry, meditate on the anger. Explore the mechanics of anger. Any stimulus can kick off a return to mindfulness.
As you gain the ability to clearly comprehend life’s activities outside of sitting meditation, you gain the equanimity and perspective from meditation throughout all of life.
What tend to be the benefits of meditation?
Selflessness - many psychic irritants are centered around the ego: “I feel pain. I want more. She’s better than me.” There is a clear partition between you and the world. Through meditation, you necessarily let go of the ego as you observe your feelings come and go. You see greed, resentment, anger for what they are and what they do to you and others. Eventually you internalize the damage of negative emotions, and you avoid it unconsciously, much like a child who is burned by a fire avoids fire.
Everything looks bright and special again when you actually observe the present. You enjoy each passing moment by being aware of it. Everything seems to be in constant transformation. There is joy in this change. You accept pain, old age, and death as part of reality.
You become aware of when you are mindful and when you are not. You’ll notice when you become mired in emotional thought, twisting reality with your mental color instead of merely observing it.
You see the source of your frustrations - your inability to get what you want, your fear of losing what you have, and your eternal dissatisfaction with what you have. Your concerns are actually superficial when you are mindful of them. You realize that your emotions are always momentary states, and you learn to let them go.
When you look behind your impulses and automatic emotional reactions, you see that they are just a collection of processes that have been caused and conditioned by previous processes. Your cravings become extinguished, and you are much more at peace.
Metta is loving friendliness. When you project it out to other people, you feel more at peace yourself. You become calm and peaceful, with your anger and resentment fading away. Your words and your deeds become warmer, and you live with others in harmony.
In contrast, wishing ill on others or acting immorally is poisoning yourself.
The Buddha defines four sublime states: loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. A good analogy for understanding this is the evolution of how a parent views her child:
Even for the most ornery and unpleasant people you know, wish them peace and discover their potential for loving friendliness.You don’t know their background or experiences, and you may be misinterpreting their behavior.
The following recitations are excerpts from the book.
Start by showing loving friendliness to yourself. Make peace with your shortcomings. Embrace your weaknesses.
“May my mind be filled with the thoughts of loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. May I be generous. May I be gentle. May I be relaxed. May I be happy and peaceful. May I be healthy. May my heart become soft. May my words be pleasing to others. May my actions be kind.
May all that I see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and think help me to cultivate loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. May all these experiences help me to cultivate thoughts of generosity and gentleness. May they all help me to relax. May they inspire friendly behavior. May these experiences be a source of peace and happiness. May they help me be free from fear, tension, anxiety, worry, and restlessness.
No matter where I go in the world, in any direction, may I greet people with happiness, peace, and friendliness. May I be protected in all directions from greed, anger, aversion, hatred, jealousy, and fear.”
All beings want happiness and less suffering. This connects you with the rest of the living universe. Wish well-being for them.
“May all beings in all directions, all around the universe, have good hearts. Let them be happy, let them have good fortune, let them be kind, let them have good and caring friends. May all beings everywhere be filled with the feeling of loving friendliness - abundant, exalted, and measureless. May they be free from enmity, free from affliction and anxiety. May they live happily.”
Wish your adversaries spiritual success, not material or immoral success. You should not wish someone who’s trying to kill you to succeed with their goal. Rather, if they were to improve their spiritual happiness, they would not be acting in a way that causes you harm.
“May my adversaries be well, happy, and peaceful. May no harm come to them, may no difficulty come to them, may no pain come to them. May they always meet with success.”
It’s easy to fixate on hating another person. You pick one aspect of them you dislike, discarding everything else that might be virtuous.
When you get angry about someone, ask yourself what it is you hate about her. Her hair? The way they she does work? Her children? Her house? Her teeth? Her smile? As you go through the possibilities, you will find yourself balancing the target of your ire with other redeeming qualities.
How should you react if someone directs her anger at you? Insults you, sabotages you? Do not fight anger with anger - it doesn’t make the other person feel any better. Responding with anger is a conditioned response. It is unskilled.
Instead, respond with loving friendliness. Look at the situation with an open mind and wisdom. Maybe you misinterpreted the situation. Maybe the person wasn’t aware of what she was saying. Maybe the intent was not to harm you. Maybe you had a sensitive frame of mind at the moment. Maybe even if it was meant to harm, you don’t have the full story of why the person said those words. Maybe the person is pointing out something true that you need to hear.
The other person’s anger will not increase, and it will likely fade away.