In Never Eat Alone, author and entrepreneur Keith Ferrazzi discusses how to develop fulfilling and mutually beneficial professional relationships: in other words, how to network. He explores three distinct stages of the networking process: preparing to network, building a network, and maintaining a network.
Before you start reaching out to people, take three steps to maximize the chances of your networking efforts being successful:
You’ll find networking much easier if you internalize these four core beliefs about the process:
Core Belief #1: All networking should be reciprocal. If you take a lot from your connections without giving anything back, you’ll gain a reputation for being selfish and taking advantage of people.
Core Belief #2: Goodwill isn’t finite. Many professionals believe that they can only ask a contact for assistance a limited number of times before the person grows tired of being relied upon for help. However, this isn’t true. In fact, repeatedly asking someone for help strengthens your relationship because it demonstrates how highly you value that person: You believe in their ability to help you.
Core Belief #3: Networks should be created before you need them. Don’t wait to reach out to people in your field until you desperately need their help—for example, if you’ve just lost your job. They’ll be disinclined to help you because you’re a total stranger to them—why should they assist you? Instead, start to build your network long before your time of need. You’ll be able to spend months or years gaining your contacts’ trust and goodwill, making them much more likely to help you in the future.
Core Belief #4: Audacity is key. In a networking context, “audacity” means being bold enough to network with total strangers. If you limit yourself to networking only with people you’re already somewhat familiar with—for example, people who work at your company, or friends of friends—you shut yourself off from the opportunities and insights that strangers can provide.
When deciding who to network with, there are four types of people who you should focus on:
1) People who can help you to meet your goals. For example, if your goal is to work at a particular company, connecting with its hiring managers may help you succeed. Make a comprehensive list of the people who can help you achieve your goals by creating a Relationship Action Plan, or RAP. This involves writing down:
2) Mentors. Mentors are experienced professionals who are willing to support your career development. They can provide many kinds of assistance, including advice on the experience and skills you’ll need to advance your career. You can find a mentor:
3) Super-connectors. Super-connectors are people who have dozens, if not hundreds, of professional contacts—contacts you can ask to be introduced to. They often work in industries that require them to know lots of people. Examples of super-connectors include:
4) Prominent people. These individuals are leaders in their industry—for instance, CEOs of large corporations. Networking with them is useful for two reasons. First, you can probably learn a lot from them—they’re usually highly skilled and intelligent. Second, your connection with this prominent person gives you power by association, making it more likely that people approach you with a request to network.
There are various ways to come into contact with a prominent person:
Try to find out as much about potential new contacts as possible. For instance, what precisely is their job role? What are their hobbies and interests? What are some of their recent career achievements? Researching people before you meet them is beneficial for two reasons:
The easiest way to research a potential contact is to look at their online presence. Specific websites to look at include:
Once you’ve adequately prepared to network, your next step is to get out there and meet people—in other words, to build your network. Here are four strategies:
In the context of this strategy, “meeting” doesn’t necessarily mean a traditional business meeting. It simply means any situation in which you’ve invited a person to meet with you face-to-face. Here are four meeting scenarios that you could try:
You can arrange a meeting with a new contact either by email or by phone. In either case, you can increase the chances of the person agreeing to meet with you by:
1) Making the person aware of your existence before you contact them. For example, if you and your desired contact have a mutual friend, ask that friend to tell the contact you’re going to call them. Even more importantly, request that your friend say nice things about you. Their backing will give you more credibility in the eyes of your potential contact.
2) Immediately stating what you have to offer. Most professionals don’t have time for long phone conversations or to read long emails. Unless you grab their attention quickly by revealing what you can offer them, they’ll make an excuse to end the call, or will stop reading the email.
3) Offering a specific invitation to meet. Suggest a date, time, place, and type of meeting: “How about we meet for lunch next Tuesday at 12, at the bistro around the corner from your office?” People are more likely to follow through on concrete plans.
Here are four things to talk about during networking meetings::
Conferences are great places to network because they’re full of people you already have something in common with: You’re all interested in the conference’s theme. Here are some tips on how to make strong professional connections at conferences:
This strategy involves connecting with new people using social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. There are two ways to do this:
Method #1: Approach social media users directly. First, decide which social media users you want to connect with—for example, professionals who work in your industry. Then, send these users a private message expressing your interest in getting to know them.
Method #2: Inspire social media users to approach you. Create compelling social media content that piques people’s interest and makes them want to get to know you. Types of compelling content include:
No matter what type of content you choose to create, make sure that it reflects your authentic personality. If you present a “fake” version of yourself on social media and then go on to meet your followers in “real life,” they’ll be disappointed to discover that you’re a totally different person.
Getting coverage in a media outlet—for example, by publishing an opinion piece in a newspaper—exposes you to an audience of thousands or sometimes millions of people. Some of these readers will be so impressed by your ideas that they want to hear more about them. They’ll reach out to you—and thus, a new connection is born.
The simplest way to get media coverage is to follow these five steps:
Once you’ve made professional connections, it’s important to put in the work to keep these relationships strong; otherwise, your new network will quickly crumble. Regularly follow up with your contacts and look for ways to help them.
“Following up” with members of your professional network means regularly checking in with them, either by phone, by email, or in person. The conversation or meeting may involve asking the contact for updates on their personal and professional life, and telling them what’s been going on with you. You may discuss commitments made in a previous meeting (for instance, discussing the details of an investment opportunity you’ve agreed to). Or, you may simply enjoy each other’s company.
Following up with your contacts is important for two reasons. First, reaching out to people regularly shows that you care about them enough to want to keep your connection strong. People are more likely to continue relationships that make them feel appreciated. Second, if you fail to follow up with new contacts, they’ll forget about you. Professionals meet dozens of new people each week. By following up with these contacts, you ensure your name sticks in their mind.
How often you should follow up with your contacts varies depending on how long you’ve known them and the closeness of your relationship:
As your network grows, you’ll find it increasingly time-consuming to follow up with all of your professional contacts regularly. To keep up with everyone, “never eat alone”: In other words, use every lunch break you have to meet up with your contacts.
Regularly offer your contacts help—whether that’s financial help, career advice, or emotional support. The more you help a contact, the more they’ll appreciate you, and the more they’ll want to keep you in their life. You can find ways to help your contacts by:
What if your contact doesn’t need anything specific, but you still want to get in their good books? Ferrazzi argues that helping contacts with these three things will always please them, regardless of their motivations or circumstances:
In Never Eat Alone, author and entrepreneur Keith Ferrazzi discusses how to develop fulfilling and mutually beneficial professional relationships: in other words, how to network. Ferrazzi believes that networking is crucial to career success for several reasons:
Networking can also improve your personal life. It gives you the opportunity to meet like-minded people with whom you can build strong friendships.
We’ll walk through how to network in three stages. First, we’ll cover the preparatory steps you need to take before you start networking, including developing the right attitude to the process and choosing who to network with. Next, we’ll cover various strategies you can use to create your professional network. Finally, we’ll explore how you can maintain your professional relationships for years to come—in part, by holding so many catch-up meetings that you never eat alone.
(Shortform note: We’ve reordered and reorganized many of the book’s chapters to add coherency and avoid repetition.)
The first element of networking is preparing for the process. Take three steps to maximize the chances of your networking efforts being successful.
The first step is developing the right attitude about networking, which involves internalizing four core beliefs:
The first core belief to adopt is that all networking should be reciprocal. When seeking to connect with someone, don't just think about what they can give you, but also what you can give them. If you take a lot from your connections without giving anything back, you’ll gain a reputation for being selfish and taking advantage of people.
There are various things that you can offer a contact to keep your relationship reciprocal:
An essential element of developing reciprocal relationships is giving to other people simply because you want to help them—not because you expect something in return. If you don’t do this, you may fall into the trap of “keeping score”: closely monitoring how many favors you’ve given to and received from a person. You may even refuse to help others if they don’t immediately offer something to you to “even the score.” Withholding assistance in this way will severely harm your relationships, as it demonstrates to people that your motivations for helping them are only selfish.
While the previous core belief focused a lot on the “giving” aspect of networking, this belief relates to asking for help from your connections. Specifically, it’s a reminder that people’s goodwill isn’t finite.
Many professionals believe that they can only ask a contact for assistance a limited number of times before they grow tired of being relied upon for help and consequently seek to end the relationship. Therefore, while they’re happy to keep giving to the contact, they resist seeking anything in return.
However, people won’t ever get sick of you asking them for favors. In fact, repeatedly asking someone for help strengthens your relationship because it’s a demonstration of how highly you value that person. By requesting their assistance, you’re implying that you see them as capable enough to solve your issue—which will make them like you even more.
The third core belief about networking is that networks should be created before you need them. Don’t wait to reach out to people in your field until you desperately need their help—for example, if you’ve just lost your job and need to find new opportunities. They’ll be disinclined to help you because you’re a total stranger to them—why should they assist you?
Instead, start to build your network long before your time of need. Gaining your contacts’ trust and goodwill first will make them more likely to help you later.
A common excuse that professionals cite when they wait until a desperate moment to build a network is that when their working life was going well, they were too busy to spend time fostering new professional relationships.
However, Ferrazzi argues that networking doesn’t have to be time-consuming. He outlines five relatively quick things that busy professionals can do to make new connections:
The final core belief about networking you should adopt is that audacity is key. In a networking context, “audacity” means being bold enough to network with total strangers. If you limit yourself to networking only with people you’re already somewhat familiar with—for example, people who work at your company, or friends of friends—you shut yourself off from the opportunities and insights that strangers can provide.
One of Ferrazzi’s greatest networking successes came from boldly introducing himself to a stranger at the World Economic Forum, back when he was an unknown businessman. That stranger happened to be Phil Knight, the founder of Nike. While Ferrazzi and Knight didn’t speak for long, the former’s audacity made an impression on the latter. Later, when Ferrazzi set up his media and marketing company, Knight became one of his first high-profile customers.
If you’re shy, introducing yourself to strangers may seem like a nerve-wracking (or even impossible) thing to do. Here are five pieces of advice on how to become more comfortable with this process:
As well as the four core beliefs outlined above, there are three other things to remember about networking:
Once you’ve adopted the four core beliefs of networking, the next step in preparing to network is deciding who exactly you’re going to network with.
Connecting with anyone—from your peers, to leaders in your field, to your friends of friends—is arguably beneficial. The larger and more diverse your network is, the more support you can receive, and the more people you can help in return. However, there are four types of people whom you should make an extra effort to network with:
The most important people to network with are people who will help you to achieve your goals. This usually means professionals who have a direct connection to the field you aspire to succeed in. For instance, connecting with education professionals may help you achieve the goal of joining your local school board.
In this section, we’ll cover the three steps you need to take to successfully network with people who can help you achieve your goals:
Before you start to network with people who can help you achieve your goals, you need to figure out what your goals actually are. Ferrazzi sees setting goals as a three-step process:
First, you need to list your passions: the things you truly care about. Many people find that their passions are obvious: They know that they enjoy, for example, encouraging people to be more environmentally friendly. If you’re struggling to identify your passions, take some quiet time to think deeply about who you are and what you like to do.
The second step of identifying your goals is listing your talents. Some people find it difficult to objectively assess their strengths: for example, if they lack confidence. For this reason, the best way to figure out where your talents lie is to ask trusted friends and family members what they think your strengths are.
Request that these people be brutally honest in their assessment of your abilities. If they aren’t—for instance, if they tell you that you are good at something you’re bad at to spare your feelings—they’re only setting you up for failure when you pursue goals that you’re not qualified to achieve.
The final step in deciding upon your goals is comparing your list of passions and your list of strengths and identifying areas where they intersect. For instance, you may find that not only are you passionate about public speaking, your friends and family think you’re good at it, too.
Once you’ve found these areas of intersection, set a professional goal related to one of them. For example, the passionate and skilled public speaker could set the goal of becoming a media spokesperson. By picking a goal that aligns with your skills and passions, you’re setting yourself up for both career success and happiness.
Once you’ve identified your professional goal, the next step is to make what Ferrazzi calls a “Relationship Action Plan” (RAP). This is a written plan that details not only how you plan to achieve your goal, but who you should network with to increase your chances of success.
To create your RAP, follow these four steps:
When creating and using your RAP, there are four rules:
Rule #1: Make each goal as specific as possible. For instance, don’t just write down “make lots of sales.” Instead, write down a specific target and how you’ll measure your success. For example, write, “I want to increase my quarterly sales output substantially. I will consider myself to have achieved this goal once I’m making $100,000 worth of sales each quarter.”
Rule #2: Make the goals challenging, but achievable. For instance, if you made $50,000 worth of sales last month, don’t set the goal of making $50,500 worth of sales next month—that’s far too easy. Likewise, don’t challenge yourself to make $1 million worth of sales next month—that’s completely impossible. Instead, set a challenging yet reasonable revenue target number like $75,000.
If your goals are unchallenging, you’ll find the process of achieving them boring and unfulfilling. Meanwhile, if they’re challenging to the point of being impossible to achieve, you’ll set yourself up for demotivation and disappointment.
Rule #3: Regularly update your RAP as you complete your initial goals. Having an up-to-date plan for where you want to go next in your career (and who you should network with in the process) is useful no matter how much you’ve already achieved.
Rule #4: Display your RAP somewhere prominent. For example, place it on your work desk or your fridge. Frequently seeing your RAP—and, therefore, being reminded of your goals—will help you stay focused.
Once you’ve decided on your goals and made your RAP, the final step to take is finding people to hold you accountable. Pick two or three trusted people—for instance, friends, family, or coworkers. Show these people your RAP and ask them to monitor your progress in both achieving your goals and networking with your chosen contacts. Request that they (gently) criticize you if they feel you’re not making enough of an effort.
When you live a busy professional and personal life, it’s easy to get distracted from your goals and your networking efforts by everything from sudden work emergencies to family crises. Therefore, it’s a good idea to have a team of supportive people who can point out when you’re losing sight of what’s important.
The second type of contact that you should network with is mentors. Mentors are experienced professionals who are willing to support your career development. They can provide many kinds of assistance, including:
There are various ways to find a mentor:
As we discussed in Chapter 1, all professional relationships must be reciprocal—including mentor-mentee relationships. Here are three things you could “give back” to your mentor to prevent your connection from becoming one-sided:
Super-connectors are people who have dozens, if not hundreds, of professional contacts—contacts that you can ask to be introduced to. Super-connectors often gain such large numbers of contacts because they work in industries that require them to know lots of people—for example, the media, or recruitment.
Below are short profiles of eight types of super-connector, including tips on what you can offer them to encourage them to connect with you:
Super-Connector #1: The High-Class Restaurateur. High-class restaurants get dozens of customers each day, including influential people that it may be useful to network with. If you become close to these establishments’ owners, they may offer to introduce you to the customers that they know best.
What to offer them: Your custom. Eat at their restaurant regularly, bring all of your friends and family there, and, if possible, use it as a venue for events.
Super-Connector #2: The Headhunter. Headhunters and other recruiting professionals will know hundreds of people in the industry they work in, especially hiring managers. Connecting with them will come in handy if you find yourself looking for a job.
What to offer them: Business leads. Offer to introduce them to a contact of yours in need of a job, or a contact who’s a hiring manager in the industry that they cover.
Super-Connector #3: The Political Lobbyist. Lobbyists have contacts both in the political sphere and in the organizations that they lobby on behalf of—for example, large corporations and nonprofits.
What to offer them: Practical support with their lobbying efforts. Lobbyists frequently organize events to bring together the politicians that they’re trying to influence. Offer to help the lobbyist to organize these events.
Super-Connector #4: The Politician. To generate support and get (or remain) elected, politicians connect with people from many walks of life, including community leaders, local business figures, the general public, and even celebrities.
What to offer them: Help with their campaign. For example, you could try to drum up support for the politician or their policies among your network or offer to host campaign events. (Note that you should only offer to help a politician who shares your values—unless you want to gain a reputation for abandoning your morals just to get close to power.)
Super-Connector #5: The Fundraiser. Fundraisers work for organizations such as political parties, nonprofits, and educational institutions. They usually have legions of wealthy contacts whom they can approach for financial support.
What to offer them: Financial support for their cause. Either give to the cause yourself—if you support it and are financially able to—or introduce the fundraiser to people who are able to donate.
Super-Connector #6: The PR Professional. PR professionals generally have two types of contact: the famous people they represent, and the journalists they rely on to spread the word about their clients.
What to offer them: Business leads. Let the PR professional know if any of your contacts require their services. Alternatively, offer to introduce the PR professional to the journalists in your network.
Super-Connector #7: The Journalist. Journalists usually have many contacts in the industry they cover—that’s how they get their leads and story tips. They may also have contacts in the wider media industry—for example, newspaper editors and news program producers.
What to offer them: Story leads. If something important or interesting is happening in your industry or at your company, let the journalist know.
Super-Connector #8: The Social Media Guru. So-called social media “gurus” are dominant voices in the online space. They often have thousands or sometimes millions of followers—many of whom could be useful people to connect with.
What to offer them: More exposure. Share their social media posts on your feed or timeline. Even people with large followings appreciate exposure to new audiences.
(Shortform note: For more information on super-connectors, read Chapter 2 of our summary of Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point.)
The final type of contact you should try to network with is prominent people: individuals who are leaders in their industry and are possibly famous because of this (think of celebrity entrepreneurs such as Bill Gates or Elon Musk).
Networking with these individuals is useful for two reasons. First, you can probably learn a lot from them. Industry leaders are usually highly skilled and intelligent. Second, your connection with this prominent person may lead to more potential contacts approaching you. People will assume that since this impressive individual has deemed you worthy of their friendship, you must be special and therefore worth connecting with.
The first step in networking with prominent people is figuring out who the most notable people in your field are. There are various ways to do this:
Next, you need to somehow come into contact with these important people. The most effective way to do this is to become a prominent figure yourself. Work hard to advance your career and become a well-respected figure in your field. Once you become an industry leader, you’re more likely to be invited to the kinds of prestigious events—for example, exclusive conferences, or awards ceremonies—where other prominent people linger.
Admittedly, if you’re at the start of your career, it may be decades before you become an industry leader. Here are some ways for you to come into contact with prominent people in the meantime:
Establishing trust is an important part of building any healthy relationship. However, it’s particularly important when trying to get close to a prominent figure, since people frequently take advantage of these individuals. Specifically, they use them to gain fame, money, or status.
To gain a prominent person’s trust, you need to convince them that you care about more than benefitting from their position. The best way to do this is to treat them as you would any friend of any status. Don’t fawn over the person or bring up their importance all the time. Instead, steer your conversations towards “ordinary” topics such as their hobbies and family life. Hopefully, this will convince them that you’re interested in actually getting to know them as a person, not just a benefactor.
Making a relationship action plan will help you to identify not only your long-, medium-, and short-term goals, but also the people who you should network with to achieve these goals.
Write down your long-term professional goal: something that you want to achieve within the next three years. (Remember that your goal should be challenging yet achievable, and as specific as possible. Likewise, the best goals take into account both your passions and your skills.)
Write down at least one medium-term goal that will help you to achieve your long-term goal. These should be goals that you can achieve within one year.
Write down at least one short-term goal that will help you to achieve each medium-term goal. These should be goals that you can achieve within three months.
Next to all of your goals, write down who you think you’ll need to network with to achieve them. (For example, if your goal is to gain a certain qualification, write down the admissions managers at colleges that offer it.)
In addition to people who can help you achieve your goals, network with mentors, super-connectors, and prominent people. Identify people in each of these groups who you’d like to network with.
List one or two people who you believe could mentor you. Why have you chosen these people? What could you offer them in return for their guidance? (Remember: While it may be helpful to have a mentor who works in your industry, they don’t have to.)
Now, list one or two “super-connectors” you’d like to network with (or get closer to). Why have you chosen these people? What could you offer them in return for access to their network? (Remember: Super-connectors are people who have large professional networks. They usually work in industries such as politics, recruitment, and the media.)
Finally, list one or two prominent people in your industry (for example, CEOs or famous entrepreneurs) who you’d like to network with. Why have you chosen these people? What could you offer them in return for their wisdom and connections?
Look back at all of the mentors, super-connectors, and prominent people you’ve listed. Which of these professionals do you want to network with first? Why?
Now that you’ve decided who you’re going to network with, there’s one final step to take before reaching out to these people: trying to find out as much information about them as possible. For instance, what precisely is their job role? What product or service does their employer provide? What are their hobbies and interests? What are their professional and personal goals? What are some of their recent career achievements?
Getting the answers to at least some of these questions will give you an advantage when you come to meet the person, for two reasons. First, you’ll be able to tailor the conversation to suit the person’s interests and experiences. For example, if you discover their career goals, you can ask insightful questions about how they plan to achieve them. Tailoring your conversations in this way has two benefits:
Second, conducting research helps you to figure out what you can offer potential contacts. For instance, if your research indicates that your target is seeking investment for their new business, you know that offering them money will go down well. If your contact is posting online about wanting to make new social connections, offering them friendship may be a good idea. As we explored in Chapter 1, ensuring you have something to give new contacts is a crucial element of successful networking.
The simplest way to gather information about potential contacts is by looking at their online presence. Specific websites to check include:
#1: Google: When you search your potential contact’s name, the results will likely include their social media profiles, making tracking down their online presence much easier. The results will also include recent news articles about the person, which may lead you to information about their latest achievements.
#2: LinkedIn: LinkedIn is often the place where people post about their professional achievements. Likewise, people’s profiles usually include their work history, which will give you an insight into their career trajectory so far. If possible, you should check which LinkedIn “groups” your potential contact has joined. You may learn more about the person’s professional or personal interests. For example, if a contact is a member of a group for aspiring CEOs, they’re probably interested in rising to the top of the corporate ladder.
#3: Twitter: First, check the personal profile of your potential contact. The content of their tweets will give you an indication of their interests, and who they interact with will show you what kinds of professional and personal connections they already have. Then, check the Twitter page of the person’s employer (if the company has one). Companies commonly share their latest news and achievements on Twitter—information you can use as a conversation-starter when you meet your potential new contact.
#4: Company websites: Besides checking the Twitter page of your contact’s employer, you should also look at their official website. In particular, read their recent PR materials. If your contact has done something remarkable at work—for example, making an important sale—their employer will likely have publicized it.
Ferrazzi doesn’t recommend using Facebook to research potential contacts. He sees this site as the most curated of all social media platforms, thus making it the least reliable source of information about people’s genuine interests.
In the first part of this summary, we discussed the preparatory steps you should take before approaching potential new contacts. Now, it’s time to explore various strategies for building your network.
In this chapter, we’ll explore networking by arranging a meeting with someone. In the context of this strategy, “meeting” doesn’t necessarily mean a traditional business meeting. It simply means any situation in which you invite a person to meet with you face-to-face.
The first step in arranging any meeting is deciding what form you want it to take. For a first meeting, it’s a good idea to keep things fairly casual: You don’t want to intimidate your new contact with strict formality. To that end, here are four informal meeting scenarios you could try:
#1: Go for a coffee. The relaxed atmosphere of most coffee shops makes them the perfect setting for a casual meetup.
#2: Go for a meal. This could be breakfast, brunch, lunch, or dinner—whatever your schedule allows. Ferrazzi argues that food is an excellent icebreaker: Even if you and your contact can’t find anything else to talk about, you can discuss your meals’ quality.
#3: Engage in a shared interest. For example, if you both love baseball, go to a game together. If you’re both fans of a certain band, attend one of their concerts. This type of meeting is beneficial for two reasons:
#4: Invite the person to a dinner party you’re hosting. Making your new contact feel welcome in your home—and providing delicious food in the process—is an easy way to earn their esteem. Here are a few tips for making a dinner party a success:
Once you’ve decided what format your meeting will take, reach out to your potential contact to arrange it. Here are four steps to follow if you choose to reach out to someone by phone:
Step 1: If possible, make the contact aware of your existence before you call. For example, if you and your desired contact have a mutual friend, ask that friend to mention to the contact that you’re going to try to call them. Even more importantly, request that they say something nice about you. Your mutual friend’s backing will give you more credibility in your potential contact’s eyes, thus making them more receptive to your call.
Step 2: State what you can offer the person as quickly as possible. Unless you grab their attention quickly, they’ll make an excuse to end the call because most professionals don’t have time for long phone conversations.
Step 3: Give the other person time to respond. Once you’ve stated what you have to offer, don’t continue to “talk at” the contact—for example, ramble on about how much you respect them and want to connect with them. Instead, pause and let the other person speak. If you don’t, your potential contact will feel like you don’t actually care what they have to say. Their opinion of you will worsen.
Step 4: At the end of the call, offer a specific invitation to meet. Don’t just say “let’s get together sometime.” Instead, suggest a time, a date, a place, and a type of meeting. For example, say “How about we meet for lunch next Tuesday at 12, at the bistro around the corner from your office?” Be willing to compromise if your potential contact doesn’t sound enthusiastic. For example, if they say they’re too busy for lunch, suggest a short coffee date instead. The person will think well of you for taking their needs into account.
When trying to contact someone by phone, one challenge is getting past gatekeepers. Gatekeepers are the people who control access to a person’s phone line—for example, their personal secretary or their company’s receptionist.
A gatekeeper’s responsibility is to decide which callers are worth a contact’s time, and which aren’t. If you don’t make a good impression, you’ll never get past them. To endear yourself to gatekeepers:
Another way to arrange the first meeting with a potential contact is by email. Email may be a more appropriate way to reach someone if you can’t find a phone number for them, or if you’re really struggling to get past a gatekeeper.
When sending an email, the rules of making contact by phone still apply. For instance, you should still state what you have to offer at the start of the message, and offer a specific invitation to meet at its end. In addition:
Now that we’ve explored how to arrange a meeting with a potential contact, it’s time to plan the meeting itself.
There are four things that you should aim to talk about during networking meetings:
#1: Shared interests. As we’ve already noted, bonding with someone is easier if you have a shared interest. It gives you a natural topic to talk about and strengthens your connection.
#2: Interesting facts. These could be interesting facts about yourself (for example, unique experiences that you’ve had or unusual places that you’ve visited) or about the world (for instance, niche facts about a popular baseball team). Presenting intriguing information will help to keep your new contact engaged in your conversation.
#3: What motivates your contact. For example, are their professional choices driven by a desire for more money? Do they want to make a positive difference to society? Finding out what motivates a person will help you to further establish what you should offer them. For example, if you find that they’re motivated by a desire for wealth, you can earn their approval by pointing them in the direction of high-paying job vacancies.
#4: What you have to offer. You hopefully already indicated what you can offer your contact while you were arranging your meeting. Don’t be afraid to reiterate this point when you actually meet the person, to remind them why getting to know you is a good idea.
In general, avoid making small talk—conversation about trivial or generic things—with new contacts for two reasons. First, small talk is often dull, and your contact won’t want to meet you again if you bore them. Second, making small talk doesn’t create as deep a connection as tailoring a conversation to suit your contact’s interests.
However, making small talk is occasionally a necessary part of networking—for example, if your research about a person’s interests wasn’t very fruitful, so you aren’t sure what to talk to them about. Here are some tips on how to make your small talk as engaging as possible:
Making your contact feel comfortable in your presence is a crucial element of networking. As we’ve already discussed, comfortable people are more likely to open up to you—thus deepening your connection. They’re also more likely to enjoy your meeting, making them more inclined to agree to further contact.
We’ve already noted that engaging in a shared interest is one way to keep your contact feeling relaxed. However, here are a few other ways to ensure that they remain comfortable:
Here are two tips on how to end a meeting in a polite and friendly way:
There are many steps in arranging a networking meeting, including choosing the meeting’s format and actually asking a contact to meet.
Think of a potential new contact you’d like to arrange a meeting with. Why do you want to connect with this person? What would you be able to offer them to keep your relationship reciprocal?
Based on your current knowledge of this person, what setting do you think would work best for an initial meeting? Why? (For example, would a coffee date work best, or a meeting in which you engage in a shared interest? Could you invite this person to a dinner party at your home?)
Imagine you’re preparing to call up or email the person to ask them to meet with you. Write a short script outlining what you would say or write. (Remember: When inviting someone to meet, always state what you can offer them as quickly as possible. Likewise, suggest a specific time, date, and place to meet.)
A second networking strategy is approaching people at conferences. Conferences are great places to network because they’re full of people you already have something in common with: You’re all interested in the conference’s theme. As we discussed in the previous chapter, it’s much easier to connect with someone if you can bond over a shared interest.
Here are eight tips on how to make strong professional connections at conferences:
When you first hear that a conference is going to take place, contact the organizers and offer to help them plan the event. For instance, offer to curate the guest list or find a location for the conference. Conference organizers are usually so busy that they take help from anyone who offers it.
Becoming a conference organizer will help your networking efforts in two ways. First, you’ll gain “insider knowledge” of who’s attending the event, meaning you can plan who you want to connect with and research their interests. Second, you’ll have access to private events for organizers, giving you the opportunity to network with conference leaders.
If you hear about an upcoming conference on a theme that you’re an expert in, apply to be a speaker. Send organizers an outline of the specific topic you’d like to discuss, and explain why you feel you’re the right person to address this issue (for example, because you have extensive experience in the field, or because the topic is a passion of yours).
Becoming a conference speaker will increase the chances of your networking efforts being successful because you’ll gain status. When the event’s attendees hear that you’re making a speech, they’ll immediately assume that you’re an important figure in your field. Therefore, they’ll be more receptive to your networking advances, and they may even try to initiate contact with you.
During the conference, be an active audience member at every event or speech you attend. For example, if the speaker invites questions, ask one. If your question is particularly insightful, others’ interest in you will be piqued.
At many conferences, attendees have spare hours between events. Make the most of this time by organizing an unofficial conference meetup. For example, suggest a trip to the conference center’s bar to discuss the talks you’ve heard so far.
Organizing a meetup is advantageous since, as you control who attends the event, you can ensure that you get to spend time with the people you want to network with. This isn’t always possible at “official” conference events. For example, at some conferences, attendees are split off into mandated groups, and if the person you want to network with isn’t in your group, there’s nothing you can do about it.
As soon as you get to the conference, make friends with an attendee who you suspect will become a “big name” at the event—for example, a speaker with a particularly interesting topic of discussion, or a prestigious CEO. Arrive at the conference early, and wait near the entrance until your chosen “big name” arrives. Then, do all you can to foster a friendship.
It’s important to make friends with the person before they become popular at the event—for example, before they give their speech. Once the person becomes “conference famous,” others will be clamoring to meet them, and you’ll have to fight for their attention.
Getting to know a big name benefits you because these attendees are often introduced to dozens of people throughout the conference, from fans to other important speakers. If you’re lucky, your new friend will introduce you to these people, who you can then network with.
Before the conference begins, compile information that you think your fellow attendees will find interesting—for example, the latest trends in the industry being discussed at the event or the best restaurants in the area around the conference venue.
Once you’re at the conference, share this information regularly to gain a reputation for being “in the know.” Potential new contacts will start to approach you to gain access to your knowledge.
The “deep bump” is a conversational technique in which you create a strong connection with someone new in a short time—for example, two minutes. It’s particularly useful when networking at conferences since attendees are often very busy and you’ll only have a limited amount of time to get to know them.
According to the author, there are several tricks to mastering the deep bump:
Limit yourself to connecting with only three or four new contacts at each conference you attend. Try to network with any more people than this, and you’ll probably find yourself prematurely ending conversations so that you can quickly move on to speaking to the next person, which is rude.
The next type of networking we’re going to discuss is networking using social media: in other words, connecting with new people on sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. These social media platforms have millions of users, at least some of whom would make valuable additions to your professional network.
There are two ways to use social media to network: approaching potential new contacts yourself, and getting new contacts to come to you. Let’s look at each method in detail.
Reach out to potential contacts on social media using these three steps:
Step 1: Decide which social media users you want to connect with. For example, you may decide you’re only going to contact professionals who work in your industry. Alternatively, you may choose to approach any professional you think you’d have a good rapport with, for example, because you have a shared interest.
Ferrazzi advises against approaching users with high follower counts—for instance, in the hundreds of thousands or millions. These users probably receive dozens of requests to connect each day. Your attempt is likely to be either missed or ignored and is therefore a waste of time.
Step 2: Reach out to your desired contacts. Follow them, if you don’t already, and send them a private message expressing your interest in getting to know them. If this isn’t possible—for instance, if the user’s privacy settings prevent people they don’t follow from messaging them—reply to one of their public posts instead.
Step 3: Try to convert your online friendships to real-life ones. Once you’ve messaged back-and-forth with your new online contacts a few times, follow the advice given in Chapter 4 and arrange to meet them face-to-face. Ferrazzi argues that relationships that include at least some in-person meetings will always be stronger than those conducted solely online.
This second method involves inspiring social media users to come to you with requests to network. You can do this by creating compelling social media content that piques people’s interest and makes them want to get to know you. Types of compelling content include:
No matter what type of content you choose to create, make sure that it reflects your authentic personality. For example, if you're a joker in real life, make your posts lighthearted. If you’re passionate about advocacy, frequently mention the causes you care about online.
Remaining authentic online is important because if you present a “fake” version of yourself on social media and then go on to meet your followers in “real life,” they’ll be disappointed to discover that you’re a totally different person.
One way to ensure that all of your social media posts are authentic is to create a “personal brand” cheat sheet. Identify and list all of the key facets of your personality—your likes, dislikes, demeanor, and so on. This is your “personal brand.” Then, each time you create a post, refer to the list and check that your content reflects your brand. If it doesn’t, amend it accordingly.
An important facet of social media networking is ensuring that potential new connections actually see your content. After all, your content won’t convince people to contact you if they don’t even see it in the first place. Here are three tips on how to broadcast your social media content and thus attract new followers:
1) Play to the algorithms. Many social media sites—notably Facebook—use algorithms to decide which content they show their users. If you want your content to be seen, you need to play to the requirements of these algorithms. (Shortform note: It’s worth noting that social media algorithms are always changing. Ferrazzi’s recommendations are based on how the algorithms operated at his time of writing, and thus may now be outdated.)
Algorithms usually push content that they know users will like and share with their followers. Here are two types of content that are particularly popular, and thus algorithm-friendly:
2) Play to current trends. Look at the most popular content on social media right now, and find a way to emulate it. For instance, if there’s a trend for posting short informational videos, make one about your area of expertise. On-trend posts tend to generate much more engagement than “regular” posts, making them a key tool in attracting more users to your profile.
3) Reply to posts from users who you think will be interested in your content. Use your chosen social media site’s search tool to find posts on your area of expertise. Then, respond to these posts with either a link to relevant content you’ve produced or intriguing nuggets of wisdom. The users you respond to will inevitably visit your profile to find out who you are, thus exposing them to your content.
Here are five final tips on how to make your social media networking as effective as possible:
Tip #1: Make your posts’ headlines eye-catching. You could set up a mystery in your headline—for example, “You Won’t Believe How I Made X Sales This Year.” Another option is to clearly state what the user will learn from your post—for instance, “How to Create an Eye-Catching Headline That People Click On.” People come across dozens of social media posts and articles each day. By crafting an intriguing headline, you ensure that your content is what people choose to read—and, consequently, that you’re the social media guru they ultimately choose to follow.
(Note that headlines are usually only available on social media sites that allow you to craft long-form content—for example, LinkedIn.)
Tip #2: Have a high-quality profile picture. Make sure it’s crisp and well-cropped (for instance, not cutting out half of your face). Likewise, make sure you look friendly in the photo—wear an inviting smile rather than a scowl. Your profile photo is often the first thing that potential new followers see. You want it to make a good impression.
Tip #3: Make a posting schedule and stick to it. For instance, you could decide to post a short Tweet every day and a longer LinkedIn post each weekend. Only posting sporadically indicates to potential followers that you don’t use social media very often—therefore, following you doesn’t have much value.
Tip #4: Set aside a specific block of time to use social media, and publicize when it is. For instance, tell your Twitter followers that you’ll be online from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. each Sunday to answer their questions. People are more likely to reach out to you with an invitation to connect if they know that they’ll get an immediate response.
Tip #5: Don’t be afraid to experiment with new platforms. If you’re not gaining many followers on your current platform, try moving to a different one. Trial and error is a big part of building a social media presence, and the more platforms you try, the more likely you are to eventually find the one that works best for you.
One way to network using social media is to create compelling social media content that piques people’s interest and inspires them to contact you.
One type of content that social media users enjoy is posts that contain useful information—for instance, tips on how to break into a certain industry. Brainstorm two to three “useful” posts you could create. (Remember: All of the content you create should be authentic to your personality. Likewise, each post idea should be as unique as possible. Social media users love content that’s unlike anyone else’s.)
Posts about people’s successes and struggles also tend to be popular with social media users. Describe two recent successes and two recent struggles that you’d feel comfortable sharing online.
Social media users are often drawn to content about controversial issues. Describe a controversial issue that’s recently caught your attention, and outline how you might post about the issue online. (For example, what would your stance on the issue be? Would you write a long post about your position, or simply mention it in passing?)
Creating social media posts about the things you have to offer (for example, your skills or your expertise) may encourage potential contacts to message you. Draft two short social media posts, each highlighting a different thing you have to offer. (For instance, you could write a short Tweet in which you state one of your strongest skills and invite users to contact you if they need your services.)
In Chapter 6, we discussed how you can use social media to get potential connections to come to you. In this chapter, we’re going to explore how you can use traditional media—for instance, newspaper and magazine coverage—to do this, too.
Getting coverage in a media outlet—for example, by publishing an opinion piece in a newspaper or convincing a journalist to interview you—exposes you to an audience of thousands or sometimes millions of people. Some of these readers will be so impressed by your ideas that they want to hear more about them. They’ll reach out to you—and thus, a new connection is born.
So how can you get media coverage? The simplest method is to follow these five steps:
Step 1: Decide what type of content you want to pitch and what topic you want to write about. For instance, do you want to write a prescient opinion piece on a current social issue? Do you want to be interviewed about your career so far? Do you want to write a short column on your area of expertise?
To increase the chances that your idea gets accepted for publication, make it original. For example, approach an old issue from a new angle, or discuss the unique insights you’ve gained from working in your industry. Journalists are much more likely to publish innovative content since their readers will find it more interesting.
Likewise, if possible, make your content timely—for example, related to a current event. That way, the journalist you contact will be driven to publish your piece quickly, while it’s still relevant.
Step 2: Decide which publication you’d like to feature in. Start small—for instance, with a local newspaper or a trade journal. National media outlets are unlikely to accept a pitch from someone who’s had no previous media exposure. Likewise, choose a publication that’s relevant to your industry or your interests. There’s no point approaching a magazine about construction to pitch an opinion piece about the most important developments in the tech industry.
Once you’ve decided upon a publication, find out who specifically you need to send your pitch to—for instance, the editor who covers the topic you want to write about.
Step 3: Write and send your pitch. Describe your piece’s main point, why you think that point is interesting, and why you’re the right person to write about it. Make your pitch brief—no more than a few sentences. Editors will likely ignore any pitches that take a long time to read.
Step 4: Follow up with the publication. A few days to a week after you send your pitch, email the editor to find out whether they plan to run your piece. If they’re not interested, be gracious: Merely thank the editor for their time, and take your idea to a different publication. If you berate the editor for rejecting you or pester them to change their mind, they won’t be open to working with you in the future.
If the editor does want to run your piece, check whether they want to make any amendments to it—for instance, give the piece a slightly different focus. If they do, and you’re happy with the suggested changes, start to draft the final article. If you’re unhappy with the amendments, take your piece elsewhere. It’s unlikely that you’ll change the editor’s mind about the suggested changes, and you should never write a piece that you’re uncomfortable with.
Step 5: Send the completed article to the publication. Thank the editor for accepting your piece and ask them when you can expect it to be published. Once it’s in print (or posted online), share it widely: for instance, post a link to it on social media and email it to your closest contacts. Getting media coverage is an impressive achievement that you shouldn’t be afraid to flaunt.
Network with journalists and editors who cover your industry before you intend to get a piece published. That way, when you do decide to write a piece, you turn to these existing contacts and ask them to publish it. While many editors are open to publishing pieces from strangers, they’re much more likely to accept pitches from people they already know.
Ferrazzi also suggests a few miscellaneous networking strategies. Consider these supplementary strategies to use alongside those outlined previously—they may not help you gain dozens of new contacts, but they will introduce you to a few.
Strategy #1: Ask a friend to help you host a joint networking event to which you both invite a few contacts that the other person doesn’t know. Everyone benefits: You, your co-host, and the invitees all get to meet new people.
There are two things to bear in mind if you choose to use this strategy:
Strategy #2: Found an organization related to one of your personal or professional interests—for instance, a book club, or a group for local young professionals in your industry. Advertise the group on social media, in your local newspaper, and among your existing contacts. Hopefully, you’ll attract not only members that you already know, but new connections, too. Getting close to these new contacts will be easy since you have a clear shared interest to bond over.
Strategy #3: Engineer “lucky” encounters. Ferrazzi argues that some of the most career-changing professional connections can be ones you weren’t planning on making: for instance, ones that grow from unexpectedly bumping into someone at an event, or being seated next to them on a plane. You may think that these kinds of encounters are impossible to engineer—after all, they’re based on being in the right place at the right time. However, Ferrazzi believes you can do a few things to increase the chances of these lucky events coming to pass:
In this final part of the summary, we’ll discuss how to maintain your professional network. Specifically, we’ll discuss two things you need to do to keep your relationships strong: following up with your contacts and looking for ways to help them.
“Following up” with members of your professional network means regularly checking in with them, either by phone, by email, or in person. The conversation or meeting may involve:
Following up with your contacts is crucial to keeping your relationships strong for two reasons. First, frequently reaching out to your existing contacts shows that you care about them: You clearly want to spend time with them and hear all about their recent endeavors. You wouldn’t make such an effort to contact them if you didn’t. People are more likely to continue relationships that make them feel appreciated.
Second, if you fail to follow up with new contacts, they’ll quickly forget about you. Many professionals meet dozens of new people each week, and it’s near-impossible for them to recall the names and faces of all of them. By following up with these contacts, you remind them of your existence and ensure that you’re the new acquaintance who sticks in their mind.
How often you should follow up with your contacts varies depending on how long you’ve known them and the closeness of your relationship.
If you’ve just met a contact for the first time, follow up with them 12 to 24 hours after your first meeting. Send the person a brief email or handwritten note that contains the following:
Once you’ve sent your email or note, consider connecting with your new contact on social media. This will help you keep track of developments in their career and personal life—developments you can use as a topic of conversation the next time you meet. It’ll also give you another way to contact your new connection since most social media sites have messaging services.
Follow up with new contacts for a second time within a month of your first meeting. Ideally, arrange your second meeting at this point. Try to do this using a new medium of communication—for instance, if you arranged your first meeting via phone, contact them by email this time. Research shows that to remember who you are, a person needs to communicate with you once in person, once by phone, and once by email. This follow-up will help you to fulfill these criteria.
If you’ve met a contact a few times but don’t feel like you’re close friends yet, follow up at least once a month until you’ve reached that stage. You don’t necessarily have to meet with the person every month (although this certainly wouldn’t hurt)—just contact them to ask how they are.
Once you’ve become close friends with a contact, you can get away with following up with them only quarterly. The exception to this rule is if you’ve offered the contact help that requires more frequent contact—for instance, if you’ve agreed to mentor them twice a month.
If you’re not close to a contact and aren’t interested in deepening the relationship, follow up with them once a year. This keeps them on your radar in case you need them for something (or they need you) but doesn’t require much effort on either of your parts.
As your network grows, you’ll find it increasingly time-consuming to follow up with all of your professional contacts regularly. Here are two tips on how you can fit regular follow-ups into your schedule:
#1: “Never eat alone”—in other words, dedicate every free moment in your working day to following up with contacts. Organize in-person meetings for every lunch break you have; maybe even try to squeeze in a breakfast meeting before you start work. Before you head home at the end of the day, call someone you can’t meet with in person, or send a few emails to peripheral contacts.
#2: Invite multiple people to one follow-up meeting. You save time and help your contacts to expand their networks by introducing them to each other. You could even deliberately invite two people you know would benefit from knowing each other—for instance, a young coworker who’s looking for a mentor, and an experienced professional who’d like a mentee.
The second way to keep your professional connections strong is to regularly offer your contacts help—whether that’s financial help, career advice, or emotional support. The more you help a contact, the more they’ll appreciate you, and the more they’ll want to keep you in their life.
Many professionals are too proud to directly ask for help when they need it. They fear that doing so will make them look “weak” or needy. Therefore, you’ll need to be proactive and look for ways you might be able to assist your connections without their prompting. There are a number of ways to do this:
What if your contact doesn’t need anything specific, but you still want to get in their good graces? Ferrazzi argues that helping contacts with these three things will always please them, regardless of their motivations or circumstances:
#1: Health. Everyone wants to stay physically and mentally well so that they can reach their full personal and professional potential.
Ways to help: Recommend supplements and vitamins to your contacts; send them interesting articles about healthy living; if they become unwell, put them in contact with a medical professional who you can vouch for; if they want to vent about health troubles, be a listening ear.
#2: Wealth. People want to have enough money to live comfortably and provide for their family.
Ways to help: Help your contacts to find jobs that are high-paying enough to leave them financially comfortable; send them job adverts, put in a good word with hiring managers, and help them to write their application.
#3: Children. People’s children mean everything to them. If you help the child, the parents will hold you in high esteem.
Ways to help: Offer a contact’s child an internship; offer to be their mentor; offer to introduce them to contacts that will help them achieve their goals, for example, admissions staff at the college they want to attend.
Following up with your contacts makes them feel appreciated and reminds them of your existence.
Think of a time when you met a new contact for the first time. What format did the meeting take? Why did you want to connect with this person?
Did you follow up with the contact after this first meeting? If so, what information did you include in your follow-up message, and when did you send it? How did your contact respond?
Imagine you had the chance to redo your first follow-up message (or send one, if you didn’t do so originally). What might you do differently? (For instance, would you send the message sooner? Would you include extra information in the message, such as a reference to a topic of conversation, or an expression of gratitude?)