In The Alter Ego Effect, athletic performance coach and leadership advisor Todd Herman reveals the trick that many professional athletes use to bring their A-game when it matters: adopting an alter ego. By doing this, you consciously decide which of your existing talents and skills to bring to the fore and use these to excel in defining moments of your life and career. As a result of years of coaching athletes and other high-performers in implementing alter egos, Herman’s created a multi-step system for creating and using your alter ego for maximum impact and success.
In this guide, we’ll explain what an alter ego is and why you should use one. We’ll then walk through all the steps of building, shaping, and unleashing that alter ego.
(Shortform note: Herman dedicates part of his alter ego creation process to explaining several levels of your existing identity: your fundamental identity, your motivation, your beliefs, and your actions. In this guide, we ask you to set goals for yourself across levels of your identity but we don’t spend as much time as Herman on establishing your existing identity because this isn’t necessary to create your alter ego (and in the book, Herman doesn’t refer back to your existing identity after initially explaining it).)
According to Herman, an alter ego is a science-backed tool that lets you adopt the traits, behaviors, and demeanor of a person who excels in a particular realm of your life (like your career or your social life). In practice, when using an alter ego, you set aside your usual mindset and behaviors and instead take on the mindset and behaviors of your alter ego—though you still filter these through your personality, so you avoid “playacting” as your alter ego. For instance, to excel as a businessperson, you might adopt the alter ego of Martha Stewart and negotiate shrewdly and confidently. If you’re a professional rower, your alter ego might be a graceful heron, and you might take on the heron’s single-minded focus and gracefulness to succeed.
(Shortform note: Herman argues for the adoption of fixed alter ego identities to perform at your peak. Others disagree entirely with the premise that you should take on defined characteristics to succeed: In The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson argues that you’re better off releasing firm ideas about who you are because this gives you the freedom to experiment, learn, and grow. In this unconstrained headspace, you’re more likely to take the big risks that could lead to big success.)
When you use an alter ego, you intentionally choose which of your existing traits you’ll draw on to succeed in a given situation, continues Herman. Normally, people don’t consciously choose what strengths they bring to bear in each situation they enter, which prevents them from doing their best.
(Shortform note: In The Compound Effect, Darren Hardy provides a reason why most people fail to consciously choose what strengths to rely on in a given situation: Most people let unconscious routines and habits dictate their behavior. This prevents them from intentionally considering the best approach to a situation or circumstance.)
Many high performers make a habit of using alter egos to consistently give peak performances, writes Herman. For instance, a world-class piano player might always adopt the alter ego of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart when performing to ensure they can always play at their best.
(Shortform note: Herman writes that high performers adopt alter egos to excel in their discipline. This is a rather self-centered reason to adopt an alter ego, but there might be another, more altruistic reason for high performers to do this, writes Anders Ericsson in Peak: Becoming highly skilled lets them share their expertise with others, thus elevating an entire team or organization.)
Herman clarifies that an alter ego simply lets you unleash traits, abilities, and strengths you already possess but aren’t currently harnessing. At your core, you’re a creative, motivated, curious individual with huge potential. The only reason you don’t use this potential all the time is because of learned beliefs and behaviors that limit what you feel you can do. An alter ego lets you circumvent those limiting beliefs about yourself because you’re not being yourself: You’re being someone with positive beliefs about the world and themselves.
For example, you might have tremendous latent potential as a painter, but over the years, you’ve come to believe painting is a frivolous activity. Therefore, you rarely paint and when you do, you don’t try very hard. However, if you adopt the alter ego of Pablo Picasso, who believes painting to be a worthy pursuit, you don’t have to heed your own limiting beliefs about painting. This lets you unleash your full potential as a painter.
(Shortform note: While Herman advocates for using an alter ego to circumvent the learned beliefs about what you’re capable of, others encourage you to take a harder route: You must alter the learned beliefs about what you’re capable of by changing your identity, writes Tony Robbins in Awaken the Giant Within. In other words, Herman proposes a “shortcut” while Robbins proposes you make a fundamental, long-term change. Another difference between the authors’ views is that Herman believes you innately possess great potential (but aren’t tapping into it), while Robbins believes you may be missing certain innate traits and beliefs that lead to success and that you may need to expand your identity to include these.)
Herman adds that you’ll need different alter egos for different realms of your life. This is because you have many roles, and only certain qualities serve you in each role. For instance, the traits that make you a good parent—patience, kindness, and a sense of humor—don’t make you a good drill sergeant.
(Shortform note: Code-switching is a form of adjusting to different roles in life, with a specific focus on adjusting speech, behavior, and appearance (rather than internal traits, which is what Herman mainly discusses). But while Herman frames adjusting to different roles as natural, code-switching is done mostly by marginalized groups as a way to gain equitable treatment often denied them.)
Finally, Herman explains that all humans have the innate capacity to create and use alter egos and often already do so without knowing it. Humans are naturally creative and imaginative and don’t require a special ability to create alter egos. However, to successfully use alter egos in the systematic way Herman outlines, you must be willing to “play make-believe” and engage in creative exercises that might feel silly.
(Shortform note: If you struggle to believe you’re naturally imaginative enough to create an alter ego, consider viewing your creativity as something outside of yourself, as Elizabeth Gilbert recommends in Big Magic. According to her, creative ideas are entities that float through the world, trying to find humans who will take them on and give them life. What’s more, you have a genius, a creative spirit that visits you to give you a boost on your creative work. Viewing creativity as something that can visit you might help you harness it more fully. Taking this somewhat spiritual perspective can also help you get comfortable with doing imagination exercises that might feel silly to an adult.)
Now that you know what an alter ego is, let’s discuss the five advantages of creating one.
Herman claims that athletes often adopt alter egos because doing so lets them consistently perform their best at critical moments. When you use an alter ego at key moments—for instance, in presentations, games, and exams—you greatly increase your chances of success.
(Shortform note: While Herman believes an alter ego lets you perform at your peak in important moments, Ryan Holiday, author of Ego Is the Enemy, might caution you to avoid adopting an alter ego with a too highly inflated sense of self. This is because an overly inflated ego can cause your alter ego to overestimate their abilities, which could lead to failure at those key times.)
Further, when using an alter ego, you drop unhelpful traits and personal weaknesses and adopt positive ones, Herman believes. Let’s say your alter ego is Michelle Obama, who you feel is well-spoken and altruistic. When assuming that alter ego, you lose your other traits, like nervousness and self-centeredness.
(Shortform note: Herman asserts that an advantage of using an alter ego is that you can shed personal weaknesses that get in the way of success. But others believe it’s better to accept your weaknesses and understand how they serve you. In The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren argues that human weakness connects you to God (or, if you’re not Christian, you could take this to mean a connection to any sort of higher power) and keeps you humble.)
Another advantage of using alter egos is that criticism or judgment falls on the alter ego, not on you, asserts Herman. This protects your sense of self and makes you more emotionally resilient. For instance, if someone criticizes the business proposal you delivered using the Martha Stewart alter ego, you can view that criticism as reflective of Martha Stewart’s abilities, not your own.
(Shortform note: If you’re a creative who frequently puts their work on display, you may need several strong ego-protecting measures in place. As we discussed earlier, in Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert proposes a way specifically for creative people to protect their egos: by viewing ideas as entities that visit you—not as things you create. This perspective protects your sense of self if others don’t like the idea.)
An alter ego lets you enter a state of focused absorption because you have trust in your alter ego’s abilities, claims Herman. When you let your alter ego take over a task, you don’t worry about whether or not you’ll succeed because you know your alter ego will. For example, when giving a speech as your alter ego Michelle Obama, you don’t worry about doing well because you have complete faith that Michelle will excel, so you can focus on your speech.
(Shortform note: Herman writes that an alter ego allows you to become fully immersed in a task. However, that’s not the only way to enter a state of focused absorption: In Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi argues you can achieve immersion (which he calls “flow”) through physical activity, conversation, writing, or by studying science. Yet none of Csikszentmihalyi’s suggestions have the further aim of helping you perform your best at the task in the way Herman’s alter ego does.)
Further, when you spend more time in a state of focused absorption, you live more meaningfully and get more out of life, claims Herman. Your actions and behaviors are controlled less by fear and more by excitement about possibilities. For instance, when giving a speech as your alter ego Michelle Obama, you’re more present, able to read the room’s reaction, and excited about making a difference in the lives of the audience. You’re not fearful about whether you appear nervous or if the audience will like you.
(Shortform note: What Herman frames as merely an advantage of using an alter ego to achieve your best is something many believe should be a central focus of your life. In Who Will Cry When You Die?, Robin Sharma writes that you must live every moment of your life intentionally and with meaning because if you don’t, you’ll have regrets on your deathbed.)
The final advantage of an alter ego is that, because you can fearlessly perform at your peak on tasks that matter to you, you feel completely in touch with your true self, writes Herman. You don’t feel inauthentic because you allow fear, criticism, and weaknesses to deter you from giving every task your best.
(Shortform note: If you take a more spiritual approach than Herman does, you might consider the concept of self-actualization as akin to connecting with your source energy. In You Are a Badass, Jen Sincero describes this as a universal life force that can help you live your life exactly the way you want, free from fear. When connected to source energy, you perform your best, which makes you feel aligned with your values.)
We’ve just explained the advantages of using an alter ego. Now, let’s discuss how to bring it out. There are six steps to this process.
The first step of creating your alter ego is to determine what behavioral and mental changes you want to make in a particular realm of your life. We’ll break this larger step into three sub-steps.
First, pick a realm of your life in which you feel you aren’t achieving your potential, says Herman. This might be at work, in your family, or your artistic career. Additionally, determine what the high-stakes moments in that realm of your life are. These are moments where you can stand out and achieve glory, recognition, or ascend to a higher level of success—but where you currently often fail to do so. Examples include key moments in sports games, important exams, negotiations and speeches, and so on.
(Shortform note: Herman encourages you to target high-stakes moments in your life for improvement, but in The Power of Moments, Chip and Dan Heath argue that it’s actually in small, everyday moments that you can enact the greatest change and pursue success most fully. You can only do this, though, if you consciously imbue these smaller moments with meaning by enhancing your sensory enjoyment, learning something new, acknowledging a triumph, or connecting with others.)
Next, determine how you want to change in this realm of your life and set related goals, instructs Herman. Set goals for each of three levels of your existence in this realm: 1) the practical outcomes you want to see (for example, you want to get more As on exams), 2) your abilities, behaviors, skills, expertise, and actions (for example, you want to develop a regular study habit), and 3) your beliefs about yourself (you want to believe that you’re good at exams).
(Shortform note: Though Herman’s advice to set goals is extremely common in self-help literature, in Atomic Habits, James Clear argues against setting goals and for creating systems: processes that lead to your desired result. Clear believes that goal-setting doesn’t encourage long-term change: You only change enough to meet the goal and then stop. He might thus argue that once you’ve achieved your goal of believing you’re good at exams, you’d stop trying to improve your exam-taking abilities. Setting up a system, on the other hand, creates permanent parameters in your life that keep you constantly improving.)
Finally, figure out what your purpose for achieving these goals is, advises Herman. You need a strong purpose to stay committed to your goals over the long term. Your purpose can be anything you care about deeply, whether self-focused (the desire to be wealthy and famous, for instance) or other-focused (for example, the desire to protect the oceans).
(Shortform note: While Robin Sharma, like Herman, recommends you set a purpose, his definition of it differs from Herman’s. For Sharma, a purpose is the implementation of a special ability to improve the world, while for Herman, your purpose can be self-focused. Still, you could likely find an unselfish benefit in even the most seemingly self-centered purpose: For instance, if your purpose is to make lots of money, you’d still be benefiting others by spending it.)
Ensure you have an emotional connection to your purpose, continues Herman. Emotions, not rationality, sustain a long-term commitment to your purpose. For example, if you read an article about the challenges of being a foster child, you might spend a few months volunteering for a foster organization before losing your drive. However, if you were a foster child yourself, your intense emotional desire to help other foster children will let you stick with your volunteer efforts for the rest of your life.
(Shortform note: Herman’s right to stress the importance of having an emotional connection to your purpose. Human decision-making is almost always driven by emotion, not logic. So, for you to consistently make decisions that keep you aligned with your purpose, you must want to make those decisions, not logically know that you should.)
To discover your purpose, ask yourself why you take certain actions and then keep asking “why?” in response to your answers until an answer resonates with you emotionally, counsels Herman. This emotionally resonant answer hints at your purpose and will usually be related to values like family, community, religion, country, and so on.
For instance, if you often go for walks in a forest, ask yourself “why?” Your answer might be: to connect with nature. “Why?” Because nature is soothing. “Why?” Because it makes me feel in touch with a higher power. You’ve just hit on what could be a purpose: to live more spiritually.
(Shortform note: If Herman’s recommended method for finding your purpose doesn’t work for you, consider some alternate paths to finding it: Look to others in your community to reinforce existing personal qualities that might suggest a purpose (your amazing listening skills, for instance) and to inspire you through their own purposes (you might have friends who love fitness, and this might give you the purpose of developing your physical abilities).)
Now that you’ve set your purpose-driven goals, your next step is to identify the inner nemesis preventing you from achieving them, writes Herman. Your inner nemesis is a cluster of negative thoughts and beliefs that keep you from rising to the challenge in high-stakes moments.
(Shortform note: Both Herman and Jen Sincero, author of You Are a Badass, frequently personify mental states and processes. For Herman, your “inner nemesis” consists of negative thoughts, and for Sincero, negative thoughts are created by "the Big Snooze" (the part of you that needs validation to tame your insecurities). Both authors’ use of personification to explain otherwise complicated and unwieldy principles is effective because humans tend to naturally personify things anyway.)
Your inner nemesis can appear in a single form or in a combination of forms to prevent you from doing your best: imposter syndrome, inner wounds, and self-created stories. Let’s look at each.
Imposter syndrome is the belief that your accomplishments are the result of good luck and not your talents, skill, or hard work, asserts Herman. This prevents you from taking yourself and your abilities seriously, which prevents you from trying your hardest in high-stakes moments.
(Shortform note: Imposter syndrome affects certain groups more than others. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg contends that women suffer from imposter syndrome more than men. What’s more, while Herman believes imposter syndrome prevents you from trying hard in high-stakes situations, other experts argue that imposter syndrome can also lead you to overachieve to make up for your perceived weaknesses—which could lead to success (though arguably not to contentment).)
Herman writes that your inner nemesis might reopen inner wounds, which leads you to have repeated unhelpful reactions to high-stakes situations. For instance, if you had a traumatic public speaking experience as a youth, your inner nemesis might reopen that wound in adult public speaking experiences, making you nervous, fearful, and unable to do your best.
(Shortform note: Herman contends that adopting an alter ego can help you defeat your inner nemesis and specifically prevent it from reopening inner wounds at inopportune moments. But you can also take other steps to heal the inner wounds that form part of your inner nemesis: Research shows you can reduce the negative emotional impact of an inner wound by re-remembering it as if you were a spectator of the memory, not a subject. The inner wound thus loses much of its ability to derail you at critical moments.)
Finally, your inner nemesis might take the form of self-created stories: narratives you’ve bought into about what you’re capable of, says Herman. Self-created stories can be narratives you’ve made up about yourself (for example, “I’m terrible at tests”) or narratives members of your family or cohort have created (“Your dad’s side of the family is bad at tests, so you are, too”). These stories usually are limiting and prevent you from achieving your highest potential.
(Shortform note: Herman believes that people create stories about themselves, but it seems that story-creating isn’t confined to the individual. According to Yuval Noah Harari in 21 Lessons for the 21st Century, groups—religious organizations, nations, and political groups—also create stories. Their purpose is to unite a large group of strangers under a shared cause. Like self-created stories, stories created by groups are often incorrect or entirely fake. Their aim is merely to spur action, whether it be to turn against a neighboring nation or, in the case of individual stories, to keep you stuck in safe yet self-defeating patterns of behavior.)
Now that you know the form or forms your inner nemesis can take, the final step of identifying it is to give it a name and shape, asserts Herman. This is because when your inner nemesis has an identifiable form, it loses much of its potency, and you create something to mentally fight against in high-stakes moments. For instance, you could envision your nemesis as a bothersome fly named after a high school bully you knew.
(Shortform note: Meditators also harness the potency-reducing powers of identifying and labeling negative emotions. By noticing and assigning names to thoughts and feelings during meditation, they gain distance from them and can see that they aren’t inherent parts of themselves, but rather passing ideas. The same might apply when you identify your inner nemesis: When you label your inner nemesis (“impostor syndrome,” for example), you see it’s merely a false belief system and not an objective truth.)
Now that you’ve identified the inner nemesis that currently prevents you from rising to the challenge in high-stakes moments, let’s move on to constructing the alter ego that will rise to the challenge in high-stakes moments. There are four sub-steps to doing this.
To create your alter ego, decide which traits you want to bring to bear in the high-stakes moments of your chosen realm of life, advises Herman. These can be strengths, skills, behaviors, beliefs, values, attitude, posture, style of speech, mannerisms, and so on. If you struggle to pinpoint traits, you can also ask yourself: “Who do I look up to in this realm of my life and what qualities do they possess?”
(Shortform note: At this point, you might find yourself resisting Herman’s implied idea that you can take on the desirable traits, strengths, and skills of others. However, in Awaken the Giant Within, Tony Robbins offers up the notion that your current identity isn’t fixed and that you can change it—even without adopting an alter ego. The reason you might resist changing your identity is because of societal messaging that says that changing means you’re unreliable and unsure of yourself.)
Then, ask yourself who has these traits, continues Herman. This will be your alter ego. It can be a superhero, human (alive or dead, real or fictional, stranger or familiar), animal, object, machine, or anything else you feel an emotional connection to. You can even create a composite alter ego, drawing on the qualities you admire in various people or things. For instance, if you want to display the traits of generosity, strength, and honesty in your business life, you might choose the alter ego of Eleanor Roosevelt. If you want to be a speedy, inexhaustible force in your life as a marathon runner, your alter ego might be a cheetah.
(Shortform note: If you struggle to think of people who possess the traits you want your alter ego to have, consider establishing a personal panel of imaginary mentors, as Robin Sharma recommends in Who Will Cry When You Die?. This is a group of people or characters you admire and of whom you can “ask advice” on issues in their area of expertise. If you create a panel of people you admire, chances are, one of them—or a composite of them—will be a good alter ego for you.)
Herman adds that the most important aspect of your alter ego is your emotional connection to it. If you don’t feel deeply and emotionally attached to it, it won’t have the power to propel you to the next level in high-stakes moments, warns Herman.
(Shortform note: If you struggle to find an alter ego you feel emotionally connected to, consider Elizabeth Gilbert’s advice to find inspiration by being subtly inquisitive about the world around you. When you do this, you’re more likely to encounter people and things that could serve as an alter ego. Additionally, Gilbert contends that an initially mild interest in something—a medicinal plant, for instance—can evolve into the sort of strong emotional connection you need to an alter ego (if you study up on the medicinal plant, you might discover amazing properties that connect you to it emotionally, for example).)
Your next job is to name your alter ego, writes Herman. Again, the most important thing is that the name has emotional resonance for you and reflects the qualities in your alter ego. Consider incorporating a descriptor into your name (for instance, “Sharon Lightning”) or a reference to the real person, animal, or object your alter ego is based on (“Daenerys,” “The Red Panda,” or “Lucy ‘Fighter Jet’ Smith”).
(Shortform note: Herman doesn’t recommend naming your alter ego just for the fun of it: Naming people and things displays affection and helps you bond with the other entity. Assigning nicknames and pet names is a sign of a particularly strong relationship. This supports Herman’s recommendation to create a unique name using descriptors or references. Doing so will likely strengthen the bond between you and the alter ego.)
Now, give your alter ego an origin story that explains how they acquired their exceptional traits and the purpose and values that motivate them, writes Herman. You must give your alter ego a story, values, and purpose that drives them forward because knowing this strengthens your emotional investment in them.
(Shortform note: Herman recommends creating an origin story for your alter ego to solidify your emotional connection to them, and indeed, stories not only draw us closer to characters but also to products. In Building a StoryBrand, Donald Miller argues that strong marketing tells a story about how a product can help the customer achieve their goal and prosper. Creating a narrative greatly increases the chances of the customer buying, claims Miller.)
You can create an origin story from scratch or you can draw on existing stories of real or fictional people which are emotionally resonant to you, says Herman. For instance, if you’ve always found Vito Corleone’s (of The Godfather trilogy) origin story compelling, adapt that to your own alter ego. When creating the origin story, be sure it explains how the alter ego came to have its purpose and values. For instance, Vito Corleone developed the purpose of becoming powerful and wealthy and the values of honor and family because as a youth, he was often the victim of others’ illegal or extortionary behavior.)
(Shortform note: If you’re struggling to come up with your origin story, consider turning to books for inspiration. When reading, pay attention to how the author reveals the protagonist’s purpose and values through their origin story, so you can do the same in your own story. Additionally, you’ll find excellent origin stories in movies and especially in superhero franchises. Many of these dedicate entire feature films to developing a character’s origin story.)
The final sub-step of building your alter ego is to find a physical object that triggers it, writes Herman. You need this because an object focuses your attention on who the alter ego is and what traits they possess, so you can take them on as an identity. A physical object also forces you to become intentional about when you bring the alter ego to the fore because you must have the object on hand and can’t simply slip into your alter ego without forethought.
(Shortform note: If you dislike the idea of having a physical object that turns on your alter ego, you might be able to enhance your focus enough to not require one. One way to do this is through meditation: While meditating, maintain focus on the breath for as long as you can. When you notice your mind’s wandered, simply return your focus to the breath. This practice can strengthen your ability to intentionally concentrate on adopting the qualities of your alter ego, possibly rendering a trigger object unnecessary.)
Herman adds that humans naturally attach meaning to objects, which is what makes them great triggers for slipping into your alter ego. For instance, because many adults feel teddy bears signify childishness, when you hold a teddy bear, you likely feel childish.
(Shortform note: Part of why humans attach meaning to certain objects might be those objects’ smells. Smell is strongly linked to memory, so when you smell something with an attached memory (a perfume might remind you of your grandmother, for instance), you can be flooded by emotions associated with that memory. If you find an object that has a smell associated with a memory (a scarf scented with your grandmother’s perfume, for example), that object might be an even more potent alter ego trigger.)
The right trigger object is something that represents your alter ego and what they stand for, advises Herman. There are three types of objects for you to consider: objects that have historical significance (an inherited trophy, for example), objects that you either wear or carry with you (a special t-shirt or a photo, for instance), or something that exists in your chosen realm of life (for instance, your standing desk or a car steering wheel).
(Shortform note: Herman recommends finding an object—heirloom, wearable, or site-specific—that carries special meaning to you. If you struggle to locate such an object, you might consider picking an object that already carries significance—like a gemstone. Cultures in Egypt, Greece, and China have historically assigned specific traits and qualities to gemstones. For instance, sapphires signify prosperity while turquoise promotes good luck. However, Herman might argue that without a unique connection to the rock, it won’t be as potent an alter ego trigger as a personal object.)
Now that you’ve created your alter ego and attached a trigger object to it, you can use the alter ego, asserts Herman. Do this by determining how specifically you’ll wield your object to turn on your alter ego. You must have a simple, repeatable action that officially signals the assumption of your alternate identity.
(Shortform note: Herman discusses how to use your trigger object to “turn on” your alter ego but doesn’t talk about what you can expect once your alter ego has taken over. It’s unlikely that you’ll experience the complete dissociation from your usual self that magician Anton Mesmer supposedly brought on in subjects through hypnosis. It’s more likely that you’ll need to “act as if” you have the skills and abilities of your alter ego until you become comfortable naturally displaying those skills and abilities.)
You’re best served by finding an action that, for you, “releases” your alter ego, proposes Herman. This might be donning the object if it’s wearable, touching or opening the object, or a more elaborate action (many athletes have multi-step routines that enable them to trigger their alter ego).
(Shortform note: The idea of using an object to release your alter ego may feel somewhat silly. However, others agree with Herman that engaging in such imaginative exercises can help you achieve goals. In Girl, Wash Your Face, Rachel Hollis contends that you can use fantasies to power yourself through tough situations, like difficult meetings and dull classes, to attain your aim.)
You’ve just learned how to turn on your alter ego. Now, let’s discuss what to do when even your alter ego faces unforeseen challenges: Give your alter ego a hidden weapon. According to Herman, your inner nemesis may even attack your alter ego, leading to doubt and the resurfacing of negative self-created stories. For example, if, when you’re giving a speech, your audience protests what you’re saying, even your alter ego Michelle Obama might allow the inner nemesis to sow seeds of doubt in her abilities.
(Shortform note: Herman advises you to give your alter ego a hidden weapon to counter doubts and negative self-created stories. An alternative to this “spot treatment” approach is to cultivate general emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to be in tune with your emotions and control them. If you’re generally able to regulate your emotional response to difficulty and avoid downward emotional spirals, you might never need to rely on a hidden weapon to tune out negative self-created stories and self-doubts.)
When this happens, use your hidden weapon: Reaffirm your alter ego’s strengths, values, and abilities, insists Herman. Do this as yourself or as your alter ego, either by 1) talking back to your inner nemesis, which allows you to dismiss the critical self-talk and return to the activity, or 2) by saying a self-affirming phrase that reinforces that you deserve to be doing what you’re doing.
In the case of your speech, you might tell your inner nemesis: “You don’t get to tell me I’m not good at this. Go bother someone else (talking back). I’m a competent orator, and I can hold an audience’s attention (self-affirming phrase).”
(Shortform note: Herman proposes you battle your inner nemesis by talking back to them or saying a positive affirmation. It may be equally important to later celebrate your victory over your inner nemesis by saying another positive affirmation. In Tiny Habits, BJ Fogg contends that celebrating personal successes is critical because it lets you feel good about yourself, thereby creating emotional resilience and making it easier to achieve success the next time. Celebrating the defeat of your inner nemesis could make it easier to defeat it again in the future.)
Now, put all the pieces of alter-ego creation together and practice using your alter ego in low-stakes situations, recommends Herman. Do this in familiar public settings (a restaurant, the grocery store, or the library, for example), when meditating, or when playing a game.
(Shortform note: Herman recommends you practice applying your alter ego in low-stakes situations. Indeed, practicing a new skill or communication technique in a controlled setting is commonly done in the business world to increase the chances of having a successful interaction with a client. You might even adopt an aspect of business role-playing and ask a friend to help you simulate the specific high-stakes situation you plan to use your alter ego in. For instance, if you’re going to use your alter ego during an important negotiation, ask your friend to play the other party.)
No matter what you do, consider how your alter ego would behave, respond, and think. For instance, if your alter ego is Eleanor Roosevelt, when playing a card game with your friend, you might behave with greater equanimity than you would as yourself.
(Shortform note: If you struggle to imagine how your alter ego would react in a given situation, consider borrowing an acting technique from renowned acting teacher Uta Hagen. Hagen proposes that as an actor, you ask yourself nine questions to better understand your character. These include “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” Asking yourself these questions may help you better understand how your alter ego would respond in a situation.)
The final, bonus step of bringing out your alter ego is to notice and appreciate when you and your alter ego merge, writes Herman. Once you’ve been using your alter ego for a while, you adopt their traits and qualities and no longer need to intentionally activate your alter ego using your trigger object.
(Shortform note: While the merging of yourself with your alter ego is usually good, Ego Is the Enemy author Ryan Holiday might also caution you to avoid giving a highly confident alter ego too much influence over your actions. He believes that an enlarged ego can lead to a sense of entitlement, paranoia, and craving for control—all of which can strip you of your hard-won success.)
Complete a truncated version of Herman’s process for choosing and bringing out your alter ego.
Think of a high-stakes moment in your life—a recurring situation in which you feel you consistently underperform. What is the “inner nemesis” that’s getting in the way of your success in these moments? (Remember, an inner nemesis is a cluster of negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself. For example, maybe you never speak up in weekly staff meetings because you believe you’re not experienced enough, or maybe you sabotage yourself on dates because you believe you’re too awkward.)
Next, jot down the traits, strengths, and skills you want to bring to bear in the high-stakes situation instead of the ones you’re currently using.
Once you’ve done this, pick an alter ego who possesses those abilities and note their name. Remember that your alter ego can be an existing figure, animal, or object, or someone or something you invented. (For instance, you might adopt the confidence and business acumen of Warren Buffett to speak up in work meetings. You might pick the alter ego of Seinfeld’s Elaine Benes to be your charming, quirky self on dates.)
Finally, select and note an object and action to trigger your alter ego. Recall that the object should represent your alter ego and that the action should involve use of the object. (For instance, to activate your Warren Buffett alter ego, you might don a special pair of work shoes. To activate Elaine Benes, you might wear your hair in her iconic style.)