Author Jen Sincero was once unimpressed with her life. Though she was a published author and had family and friends, she wondered, “Is this the best I can do?” She embarked on an exhaustive self-improvement journey and found success — she was able to get herself out of a rut and find greater personal and professional success.
After wading through all the good and bad of the self-help world, she decided to take every bit of useful self-improvement advice she found and share it with others via this book.
The main principle she learned is that creating a better life requires only one simple shift: Going from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life. In You Are a Badass, she shares wisdom about creating a new life, doing things you never thought you’d do, believing in things you can’t see, and pushing past your fears. The book has five sections:
Understand the deep-seated beliefs that have been holding you back. Once you are aware of them, you can begin to change them.
No matter what you think you want, if there’s a subconscious belief that links your desire to pain, you won’t let yourself achieve it. The first step to getting rid of harmful subconscious beliefs is becoming aware of them.
We are connected to a limitless power, but most of us use only a fraction of it. You can call this power whatever you like — God, Universe, Source Energy — but what’s important is developing an awareness of and relationship with the energy around and within you.
Instead of being in the moment, we worry about daily life. If we were living in the present, we’d understand that life is a miracle. Being present gets you out of your head and connects you to Source Energy, which raises your frequency, which attracts things of like frequency to you.
When you try to break out of your comfort zone and live the life of your dreams, your Ego may try to stop you with emotional and physical roadblocks. “Ego” refers to your “shadow self,” the part of you that, deep down, feels unworthy of love and success. The author refers to the Ego as the “Big Snooze,” or BS.
Too many of us have a negative self-perception. We think we're inferior and inept. To counter this, try seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who admires you. This person will see only your full potential and talents. You can eventually become your own fan.
You need to do certain things to free yourself to live your best life.
When we love ourselves, we are free to live rich, authentic lives. But negative messages can fill us with false beliefs, fear, shame and self-doubt. Fortunately, we can reclaim our self-love and rid ourselves of guilt, self-doubt and loathing to be and have everything we desire. One of the most important things you can do is appreciate just how special you truly are. Understand that there will never be anyone else exactly like you, and nobody In the world will use their gifts as you can.
People often live in fear of what others think instead of celebrating who they are. This fear stops you from getting out of your comfort zone and reaching your full potential. When you stop caring what other people think you become your most powerful self.
How do you move to a place where you’re unaffected by the opinions of others? The key is not just denying the criticism any power over you, but also not getting caught up in praise.
When we base our self-worth on what others think of us, we hand over all our power. You have to understand what’s true for you, outside of anyone else’s opinion, good or bad, and hold onto that. Everything else is just someone else’s perception of reality.
We’re all born with unique and valuable gifts to share with the world. When we put them to real use, we get to live a life of purpose. But sometimes finding your purpose can be a confusing process. One of the things you can do when you’re unsure of your purpose is to just take a step. Instead of wasting time trying to figure out the perfect next move, just do something. Pay attention to suggestions and opportunities all around you — and pay attention to how you feel about these options. Does something strike a chord with you? If so, pursue it.
This section explains how to connect to Source Energy to get into top mental and spiritual shape. When you’re connected to Source Energy, you can create your new reality.
The goal of meditation is to quiet your mind of all the chatter so you can connect to Source Energy and hear your inner guidance. The basic steps to meditation include:
Your thoughts and beliefs dictate your reality, so if you want to change your reality, you have to change your thoughts. When you change your thinking, you’ll see evidence of a new life being created around you.
Everything you want is available to you; you just have to shift your perception to see it become reality. Your job isn’t to figure out how your dreams will become reality; you job is to know what you want and be open to receiving the how. You do this with your thoughts.
Keep your thoughts directed toward your goal, do what you know to do to keep moving in the right direction, and be on the lookout for your opportunities.
If we harness the ability we had in our youth to live our dreams, we can reach our goals and live with more joy. Try these strategies:
If you want to attract good things and feelings into your life, you must send good things out to everyone around you. Here are some tips on getting into the give-and-take flow:
The more you can stay in a state of gratitude, the stronger your connection to Source Energy and the more effortlessly you’ll be able to manifest something you can’t see into your reality. Tips on practicing gratitude include finding the good in any situation and finding 10 things to be thankful for every day.
When you hold onto resentment, you give away your power. It’s like “taking poison and waiting for your enemies to die.” When you carry around guilt, shame and resentment, your Ego is in charge. It holds onto the past, keeps you a prisoner to your pain, and lowers your frequency. But when you decide to forgive and let negative feelings melt away, you are on the path to freedom. Your higher self is in charge and you own your power, banishing the anger, resentment and hurt.
Going with the flow of life, dealing with the unexpected in a positive way, and finding the joy in frustrating situations are ways to grow as a person and create a richer life.
Make changes to create the reality you’ve always wanted.
If you stop focusing on negative, self-limiting stories that frame your reality, you’ll realize that you can create any reality you want. To start shifting your current perspective and rewire a new story for yourself, it’s important to know what your self-sabotaging stories are and what you’re gaining from them, and then replace the old stories with new, powerful ones.
Procrastination is an easy form of self-sabotage; there’s no shortage of fun things you can do to help you procrastinate, as well as people eager to procrastinate with you. Part of procrastinating is simply not going for a challenge or experience we really want because we tell ourselves we’re “not qualified.”
We put a ton of energy in to coming up with excuses why we can’t be, do, or have what we want; what if we focused all that energy on going for it instead? When you go for it — just do it or start it — instead of finding excuses, you can change your life.
There are three common complaints behind our feelings of overwhelm that you can address:
When we’re ready to break out of our comfort zones and start creating a new life, we’re often held back by fear. Tips for navigating your way through fear include:
When someone annoys you, you’re projecting onto them something you hate about yourself, or their behavior triggers a fear or insecurity. When you stop projecting your own insecurities and negative qualities, you are free to become your highest self. Here’s how to start:
Figure out what you need to do to take action as you create your new life.
When you decide to go for your goal, you stop listening to your excuses and change your habits. To do this you need to truly want your goal, become a swift decision-maker, stop negotiating your decisions, and learn to stay the course.
Money is energy. When you are operating at a high frequency, you align your energy with the money you seek and manifest the money you want and need to fuel your new life. We can nurture our relationship with money by observing important rules of wealth consciousness:
Sometimes we want something so badly and work tirelessly to achieve it, but end up pushing it away because we’re afraid. We try to control our circumstances via our old patterns and limiting beliefs. We try to take charge, which is fear-based thinking.
The answer is to surrender, allowing The Universe to do its job. Allowing is love-based thinking. Surrendering isn’t letting go or giving up; it’s releasing the outcome to The Universe and having faith that our deepest desires are coming into our lives.
Lots of people want to change but don’t succeed because they don’t want to leave their comfort zone. Try these strategies to make changes and break out of your comfort zone:
Whatever you desire to do with your life, be it start a business, lose weight, build an orphanage or direct movies — believe it’s possible, available to you, and that you deserve it — no matter what anyone else thinks or believes is possible.
Author Jen Sincero was once unimpressed with her life. Sure, she had published a couple of books and had family and friends, but she wondered, “Is this the best I can do?” She was barely able to pay the rent each month, dated a series of “weirdos,” and wondered about her deeper purpose. Her life felt lukewarm with “occasional flare-ups of awesomeness.” Deep down she knew she was “a total rock star,” capable of a great relationship and doing important things professionally, but she just couldn’t seem to get there.
Sincero decided to make some serious changes to get her act together, committing to the process of creating a new, better life. She embarked on a self-improvement journey that was at times colorful. She tried a series of self-help methods, including seminars where she had to shout “You’re awesome and so am I,” along with writing a love letter to her uterus, bonding with her spirit guide, participating in a ceremony where she married herself, taking her inner child on a playdate, and spent money that she didn’t have on life coaches.
She “took one for the team,” in essence wading through all the good and bad of the self-help world for the rest of us to pull out the essential things that helped her make major shifts in her life. And it worked — she was able to get herself out of a rut and find personal and professional success. Within 6 months of her decision to change her life, she tripled her income by creating an online writer-coaching business.
She decided to take every bit of useful self-help wisdom she found and share it with others via this book. So many people are unhappy and feel unfulfilled with at least some areas of their lives. This book’s goal is to help people get clear about what makes them happy and feel most alive and give them the tools to go out and create the brightest, best, “badassiest” version of themselves.
The good news: Creating a better life requires only one simple shift: Going from wanting to change your life to deciding to change your life. Wanting is easy; you can want things while laying in bed or sitting on the couch watching TV. Deciding, however, means jumping in all the way and going after your dreams with, as she puts it, “the tenacity of a dateless cheerleader a week before prom.”
Creating a new life means doing things you never thought you’d do, believing in things you can’t see, and pushing past your fears while you stick to your decision. It will be challenging, but it’s certainly better than living with regret, feeling that your life is passing you by.
This process requires an open mind; you’ll need to roll with some “out-there” methods, but living a life you’ve never lived means doing things you’ve never done. Besides, you got to where you are now by doing what you’re doing, so it’s time to change it up.
This world offers limitless possibilities for you. If you work hard, take some risks, and go for your dream, you can live the kind of life you used to be jealous of.
This book consists of five sections, each with chapters supporting the main theme:
The chapters in this section will help you understand the deep-seated beliefs that have been holding you back. Once you are aware of what’s been keeping you stuck, you can begin to change your life.
When our subconscious beliefs are out of alignment with what our conscious minds want, we experience conflicts between what we’re trying to create and what we actually create.
We all have a conscious mind and a subconscious mind. We are aware of our conscious mind — it’s where we figure things out, worry, and process information. The subconscious mind is non-analytical; it’s where our feelings and instincts reside. It’s where we store all the information we receive as children, and it believes this input without filtering it.
For example, if our parents showed us that marriage means violence, our subconscious stores this as our truth. If our parents tell us that our family just doesn’t know how to make money, we believe them. The subconscious serves as the “blueprint for our lives,” controlling our conscious minds, but we’re oblivious to these underlying beliefs that run our lives.
Our conscious minds think they’re in control, but they aren’t. The subconscious mind doesn’t think, but is in control — and could be holding us back from what we want to create. This is why we’re sometimes mystified about what’s keeping us from living our best life.
For example, say you were raised by a dad who struggled financially. He was negative about money and was away from home a lot trying to make a living. Your subconscious would equate money to struggle, pain, and dad’s unavailability. As an adult, you may manifest these subconscious beliefs by staying broke no matter how hard you consciously try to make money. Or say you long to find love, but your subconscious mind says intimacy leads to pain; you’ll likely remain alone.
No matter what you think you want, if there’s a subconscious belief that links your desire to pain, you won’t let yourself achieve it, or fully experience the achievement — and you’ll probably lose it.
Having an inhibiting subconscious belief is like being unable to sit on your front porch because there’s a terrible odor. You can try fans or air fresheners, but until you realize there’s something rotting underneath the house, the odor won’t go away. Similarly, if you don’t root out the subconscious belief that’s holding you back, you will remain stuck.
The first step to getting rid of harmful subconscious beliefs is becoming aware of them. To do this, examine the dysfunctional areas of your life and try to hear the stories your subconscious is telling you. These stories could be something like, “Going on a diet means never enjoying a meal again.” Or, “Making money means selling out and doing something I don’t love.”
In later chapters, you’ll learn specific tools to help you dig deeper into your subconscious beliefs and fix what is blocking you from living the life you deserve, freeing space for positive new beliefs. For now, awareness is enough.
All of us are connected to a limitless power around us, but most of us use only a fraction of it — we’re missing out on using it to help create a better life. You can call this limitless power whatever you like: God, Goddess, The Universe, Source Energy, Higher Power, gut, intuition, Spirit, The Force, The Zone, or The Lord.
It doesn’t matter what you call it; what is important is that you develop an awareness of and relationship with the energy around and within you.
Sincero was wary of God and snarky about “higher-power” stuff at the beginning of her self-improvement journey. But when she started reading books about finding your true calling, they all had a spiritual bent, so she decided to give God/spirituality a chance. She had nothing to lose. As she meditated more (more about meditation in later chapters) and became more connected with God, or Source Energy, the more she found she could manifest things into her life quickly and specifically. As she says, she figured out “how to make her magic wand work.”
Think of it this way: energy is taking a ride in our human bodies. When you realize that you’re made up of and connected to Source Energy, you can use that energy to help make the physical experience of life as awesome as possible.
Here’s how it works: the universe is made up of Source Energy. All energy inside and outside of ourselves vibrates at a certain frequency. The things we want and don’t want also have a frequency. Vibration attracts like vibration. This is also known as the Law of Attraction: Focus on what you want and that’s what you’ll attract.
The Universe will match whatever vibration you put out. When we vibrate at a low level, we can’t expect awesome, high-frequency things to come to us. It’s like trying to tune into a certain radio station but not being able to receive it. When you vibrate at a high frequency, you attract good things, opportunities, and people effortlessly.
The goal is to raise your vibration and attract wonderful things to your life. You create the reality you desire when you consciously master the energy around you, believe, and stay high frequency.
To raise your vibration, you need two things:
Later chapters will delve more deeply into tapping into Source Energy, how to keep belief strong and how to take decisive action. For now, awareness of Source Energy is enough.
Too often we go through life worrying about insignificant things — complaining, playing out dramas in our heads, and justifying our actions. Instead of being in the moment, we worry about daily life. We stress over money, relationships, career success.
If we were living in the present moment, we’d understand that our very lives are a full-blown miracle. In fact, our world is overflowing with miracles that we ignore while dissecting the minutiae of daily life. Animals and small children are great examples of “being present.” A dog will greet you with unadulterated joy even if you’ve been gone only a short time. A child in the midst of playing or drawing has to be dragged away to eat or bathe. They are in the moment and fully immersed in the fun of the present.
Being present gets you out of your head and connects you to Source Energy, which raises your frequency, which attracts things of like frequency to you.
All of the things you want to attract are here already, waiting for you to tap into them. The experience you want to have is here now. The idea you’re seeking already exists. Knowledge, connection, joy and love are here now, trying to get your attention.
You may be wondering, if the life you want is here right now, where is it exactly? Think of it like electricity. It was here all along, but most people weren’t aware of it until the light bulb was invented. Similarly, the things we seek and need also exist already, but we may not be aware of them or understand how to manifest them.
When you’re connected to Source Energy, you are more available to download ideas and seize opportunities. Clearing the chatter in our heads and being present will help us connect to Source Energy.
A Hindu fable illustrates this concept perfectly. There was a woman who desired to meet the god Krishna, so she went into the forest to meditate and pray to have Krishna appear. When Krishna came walking down the forest path and tapped her on the shoulder she told him to scram — she was busy meditating about a very important goal.
When we’re so wrapped up in our own heads, we miss out on what’s available to us right now in the present. When you’re present in the moment, you are connected to Source Energy.
Of course, we’re adults who have understand the past and plan for the future. Occasional side trips to the past and future are necessary, but when we obsess over what-ifs and how-comes, we lose the power of the present.
Get out of your own head and be present in the moment.
Clearing the mind of clutter helps us be more present, and therefore more connected to Source Energy. Do you often get wrapped up in your own head? What worries tend to flow in and take over, stopping you from being present?
Look around your life and take note of all the wonderful things happening for you right now. Take a moment to reflect on the joyful things in your life. What are they?
Who are the people in your life who would benefit most from you being more present in the moment? Why?
When you try to break out of your comfort zone and live the life of your dreams, your own internal Ego may try to stop you with emotional and physical roadblocks. Ego refers to your “shadow self,” the part of you that, deep down, feels unworthy of love and success. The Ego seeks outside validation to placate your insecurities, assuring you that you’re good enough.
The author refers to the Ego as the “Big Snooze,” or BS. The BS is driven from our limiting false beliefs — the ones ingrained into our subconscious as a child. The BS gets validation from outside sources, not trusting its own opinions. (“I don’t know, what do you think I should do?”) It is fear-based, aiming to keep you safely within the confines of your comfort zone.
In contrast to the Ego is your True Self, or higher self. Your true self lives in the present and operates according to your connection to Source Energy. It gets validation from within, not outside. (“My decision feels right to me and I love and trust myself.”)
We all live life to varying degrees from both perspectives — the Ego and the True Self. But when we skew toward the Ego, we end up with a reality that’s way beneath what we’re capable of and what’s available to us.
The Ego has set up comfort zones for us, and it’s hard to break out of them due to external and internal factors.
Externally, breaking out of your comfort zone means you risk the derision of others. Taking a leap of faith can be branded irresponsible, unselfish, even insane. Others are upset by watching someone else go for their dreams because they’re firmly entrenched in the idea that they can’t. People express their disapproval and displeasure with anger, hurt feelings, criticism, worrying, teasing, or simply telling you it can’t or shouldn’t be done.
While some people may be doing this out of love and concern, this fear and worry is the last thing you need when trying to take risks. You have enough to deal when facing your own fears, let alone dealing with the negativity of others. To counter this, it’s vital to surround yourself with others who are also trying to take risks, people who you know will be supportive.
When you try to break out of your comfort zone, you also face internal obstacles created by your own Ego (BS). The author likens the BS to an “overprotective Italian mother” who wants you to live at home forever. There may be good intentions, but it's completely fear-based.
Breaking away from your Ego’s fear-based beliefs is like quitting smoking or taking drugs — you’ll have to detox and go through withdrawals — and ridding yourself of limiting subconscious beliefs means facing a detox of huge proportions.
This “detox” can manifest in both internal and external factors as the BS creates chaos to self-sabotage and keep everything status quo.
In other words, since we create our own reality, when we try to break free it can feel like The Universe is conspiring against us — computers crashing, trees falling on cars, getting the flu, roofs caving in. It may sound far-fetched, but the author says the BS is creating this chaos. Since we’ve spent a lifetime creating the reality we currently have, doing a massive overhaul is basically “murdering” the BS. Because the BS doesn’t want to be murdered, it will do everything it can to stop you from changing and growing, setting up both emotional and physical blocks.
As an example, the author had a life-coach client who was leaving a high-paying job to start a dream business. In a short span of time he experienced two flat tires, a car wreck, a water main explosion — and got hit by a bus. But he never gave up, even with all those “excuses.”
So when you finally decide to take a leap, leave your comfort zone and make your dreams come true, don’t be surprised if something destructive happens. It’s a good sign that you’re heading in the right direction. Stay the course because creating your own reality is worth it.
Sometimes your Ego (BS) will get in the way of your big leaps.
The Ego manifests outside forces to conspire against our efforts to break away from our comfort zones. The author even says this concept is a little “out there.” Examples included flat tires and getting run over by a bus. Do you believe this is possible? Why or why not?
Have you ever had an experience where it seemed the Universe was stopping you from an experience or situation? What happened? Do you think your Ego manifested the roadblocks?
Breaking out of your comfort zone can be made harder when others try to discourage you out of concern. Have you ever risked the support of friends or family by making a drastic move toward a dream? What happened?
Too many of us have a negative self-perception. We think we're inferior and inept. But you get to choose how you perceive your reality, and it takes the same amount of energy to see yourself as a loser as it does to see yourself as a rock star. Wouldn’t life be more productive and fun if we embraced ourselves?
The author refers to self-perception as a zoo. Intelligent people think they’re dumb, beautiful people think they’re ugly, great speakers think they’re boring. People vacillate between seeing themselves as awesome and unworthy.
When someone we admire does something phenomenal, we are happy for them but not surprised. Of course they did something phenomenal. They are phenomenal! But we have a hard time accepting ourselves as a phenomenal being.
To counter a negative self-perception, try seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who admires you, someone not connected to your negative beliefs and insecurities. This person will see only your full potential and talents. Eventually you can become your own fan, look at yourself from the outside, absent of self-doubt, and see your true potential.
The reality is, as the author puts it, “You are a badass.” It is how you were born, who you are, and what you’ll always be. The Universe loves you unconditionally and wants to give you everything you desire, including happiness. It wants you to see in yourself what it sees in you.
You are perfectly imperfect and it’s your job to love yourself and laugh at yourself.
Now that you understand your subconscious beliefs about yourself, we’ll discuss what you need to do to free yourself from insecurity, love yourself, and live your best life.
When we truly believe in ourselves and love ourselves, we free ourselves to live rich, full, authentic lives.
We are born with the ability to trust our own instincts: breathing, eating when we’re hungry, not worrying about being judged on our dancing or hairdos. We play, create and love without holding back. But as we grow, we absorb the messages from other people around us — their thoughts, beliefs and judgements — replacing our instincts with negative false beliefs, fear, and self-doubt. This leads to physical and emotional pain we numb with alcohol or other crutches. We settle for a mediocre life.
It’s like we’re born with a big bag of money to fund our dreams, but instead we listen to other people and invest in what they believe. You may believe you’re too old to dance, or become ashamed of your sexuality. You accept that you shouldn’t be doing things you want to do. As we buy into other people’s beliefs, our inner fortune dwindles.
We invest everything we have into believing we’re not good enough.
The other choice? We can reclaim our power by connecting with who we truly are and invest everything we’ve got into believing in ourselves. We reclaim self-love — not narcissism, but a deep connection with our higher selves. It allows us to tune out the outside voices.
How do we reclaim our self-love and rid ourselves of guilt, self-doubt and loathing to be and have everything we desire? There are 10 ways.
Appreciate how special you are. Understand that there will never be anyone else exactly like you. Nobody In the world will use their gifts as you can. You are the only you.
Use affirmations: Affirmations are a powerful tool to rewire your brain and train it to think differently. Figure out which affirmations you need to hear most and repeat them in your head; put them on Post-It notes all around you, and write them down 10 times every morning and 10 times every night. Some examples include:
If these don’t fit, write your own affirmations. The more emotion you feel, the better.
Do what you love. People who make enjoying their lives a priority are the ones truly enjoying their lives. Look at your life and see where you’re letting yourself down. Do you miss live music? Dancing? Hanging with friends? Be proactive about creating a life you love instead of living a life you think you’re stuck with. Start putting your needs on the priority list. You’re not selfish for taking care of yourself, just happier!
Replace negative thoughts. When we become aware of our negative thought patterns we can begin to change them. For example, what comes to mind when you look in the mirror? When you make a mistake? When you get dumped? You likely spew negative thoughts at yourself. “You’re hideous, dumb, unworthy.” Consciously replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. “You’re beautiful.” “You made a mistake, now let’s move on.”
Stop self-deprecating humor. Laughing at yourself is one thing — we all need to have a sense of humor about ourselves. But constant self-flagellation is another. You’re not only convincing other people you’re a loser, you are convincing yourself. What you tell yourself on a daily basis is powerful, so if you’re constantly putting yourself down, you are harming yourself. And it’s not funny.
Take care of your body. We need our bodies more than they need us. The better our bodies feel, the happier and more productive we are. Get proper nutrition, exercise and rest.
Accept compliments. Instead of deflecting compliments (“This old ratty thing?”) accept them graciously.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison takes the fun out of life. Someone else’s uniqueness is no better than your own. What others do is none of your business. Enjoy what you’re creating. You are more than enough.
Forgive yourself. Everyone screws up and will screw up again. You are no exception and you are not alone. But dragging around guilt and self-recrimination is pointless, unhealthy and boring. Think of a specific instance you feel badly about. Call it up and feel it in your mind and body. Tell yourself something like, “Holding on to this is hurting me and stopping me from living my life to the fullest. I deserve a happy life and will let this go.” Repeat this until you feel free and light. Repeat this process as long as it takes. (Chapter 15 has more tips on forgiveness and letting go.)
Love Yourself.
People often live in fear of what others think instead of celebrating who they are. This fear stops you from getting out of your comfort zone and reaching your full potential. This is partly a survival instinct — humans have always needed the cooperation and support of those around them to survive.
But accomplishing big things means getting out of your comfort zone and risking failure, as well as subjecting yourself to the ridicule and opinions of others.
When making a decision about your life, rather than worry about the opinions of others, simply ask yourself, Do I want to do this/get this/be this? Is this taking me in the right direction? Am I going to “screw anyone over” if I do this?
You are responsible for what you do, but not for other people’s reactions to it. This is a perception issue: What other people think about you doesn’t have anything to do with you.
Think of a movie. One person could leave the theater in stunned tears, transformed, and moved beyond words. Another person could demand her money back because she thought the movie was a load of garbage. It’s not about the movie; it’s about the moviegoer.
How do you move to a place where you’re unaffected by the opinions of others? The key is not just denying the criticism any power over you, but also not getting caught up in praise.
Praise feels great, but when we base our self-worth on what others think of us, we hand over all our power. You have to understand what’s true for you, outside of anyone else’s opinion, good or bad, and hold onto that. Everything else is just someone else’s perception of reality — none of your business.
An important aside: While you can’t base your self-worth on the opinions of others, there is such a thing as constructive criticism. Sometimes it’s easier for people to see what we can’t see ourselves. This can help us connect with our own truths.
For example, if people have been telling you all your life that you have a quick temper, that they’re afraid of being open with you because you’ll blow up, ask yourself if this is true. Can you use this information to improve yourself?
Same thing with compliments. If you hear something about yourself repeatedly, ask yourself if it’s true and if you can use this to better yourself and the lives of others. For example, if you’re repeatedly told you’re a great listener, ask yourself, is this true? If so, can I use this skill to improve my life and the lives of others?
When you truly stop caring what other people think, you become your most powerful self. Not caring what others think is a muscle and it will take some time to build it up. Here’s how:
Ask yourself, “why?” When you’re about to say or do something, ask yourself why? Is it to be liked? Is it to put someone down due to your own insecurity? Is it out of revenge? Or is what I want to do or say coming from a place of truth and strength? Pay attention to your motivations and be honest. Always come from a place of integrity.
Do your best. The fastest way to fall prey to others’ criticism is when you feel insecure, and you feel insecure when you’ve half-assed something. When you do your best you come from a place of integrity; you can be proud of yourself and not worry about what others think.
Trust your intuition: You have an incredible inner guidance system — your gut. You have the answers, not the drunk guy across the street you have no idea why you listen to. Strengthen your connection to Source Energy and trust that you know what’s best for you. (More tips on this later in the book.)
Find a mentor/hero: Think of someone who is impressive and inspiring to you, and ask yourself why? What is it about this person who strikes a chord with you? Then, when faced with a challenge, ask yourself, what would my hero do? Eventually, when your “not caring what others think” muscle is built up, you’ll only have to ask yourself, “What would I do?”
Love yourself. (This will be repeated in many chapters.)
Stop living in fear of what other people think.
When you break out of your comfort zone you risk the negative opinions of others. Have you had an experience where your big leap or brave action invited ridicule or derision? How did this make you feel?
The author talks about finding a mentor or hero you could emulate when you’re faced with a challenge. Who is this person for you? How would they handle the decision from the previous question?
We’re all born with unique and valuable gifts to share with the world. When we figure out what they are and put them to real use, we get to live a life of purpose. When we share what we are brought here to give, we are in alignment with our highest, most powerful selves.
Think about how exciting and fun it is to give the perfect gift to someone. We’re filled with joy. In reality, we all possess the perfect gift to give to the world, but too many of us keep it locked up, forgotten and gathering dust. Instead, we give the world the equivalent of the “tasteful candle” gift — appropriate, just enough not to be rude, appreciated but not special.
We too often go through life in a job that we hate or that’s just OK. We get by, but never find our true calling and create a life of excitement and joy.
Sometimes we’re confused about what we should be doing and how we should be applying our gifts. Here are some tips on getting clear about who you are and what your calling is. (More tips later in the book.)
Be the alien: Imagine you’re an alien and suddenly inhabit your own body. Everything is new to you. Ask yourself, what is this person I’ve inhabited? What do they have fun doing? What are they awesome at? What are you going to do with this incredible new life you’ve stepped into? This exercise gives you a new perspective and helps you step out of your rut, making you aware of the staggering possibilities and resources we take for granted.
Take a step. Instead of wasting time trying to figure out the perfect next move, just do something. Stop mulling and weighing options and opinions; just start with one thing that feels right and keep heading in the right direction. Answers reveal themselves through doing, not thinking. Pay attention to suggestions and opportunities all around you — and pay attention to how you feel about these options. Does something strike a chord with you? If so, pursue it.
For example, the author was also at one point trying to find her purpose. She knew it involved writing, but also knew she needed to interact with people. When a friend suggested that she attend a women’s entrepreneurial think tank group, she went even though she had no entrepreneurial ideas to build on. After watching the women turn ideas into businesses in a few weeks, she knew what she wanted to do. She began leading these groups herself, then became a coach and author.
Do your best where you are. After you take a step, you may not immediately be in your dream job. Consider it a stepping stone and appreciate it. Everything you do along your journey contributes to where you’re going. Having a good attitude and being grateful for all the things helping you live the life of your dreams will make things more pleasant, raise your frequency, and attract people and opportunities that will take you in the right direction.
For example, say you’re a budding rock star currently waiting tables to make ends meet. Serving soup may not be your dream, but it’s helping you achieve that dream. Be grateful and do your best, confident that everything you need is coming your way.
Look at what other people are doing. You don’t have to invent your life from scratch. Look around and see whose life makes you jealous. If something someone else is doing sparks your interest, it could mean your calling has something to do with theirs. Find the specifics that you like about their life. Is it that they travel? Work alone? Work in a group? Put yourself out there — you never know where your next inspiration or opportunity will come from.
Don’t worry if you’re not hit by a thunderbolt. Not everyone gets a flash of soul-defining insight about their purpose in life. There doesn’t have to be one big, perfect thing for you; you can fulfill several callings throughout your life. (This can go for relationships too.)
Listen to your gut. Tune into your intuition to get in touch with who you are and what you love to do. Spend 5 minutes of quiet, by yourself, every day. Get away from the hustle and buzz of daily life. Stick with this practice, be patient, and listen to your inner guidance to let the answers get through to you.
Follow your fantasies. Our fantasies are revealing glimpses into who we are and what we think is awesome. What do you fantasize about for your life? Are you onstage doing stand-up comedy? Are you surrounded by children in your home? Tap into what brings you great joy instead of what you think you need to do to survive.
Love yourself.
Are you tapping into what brings you great joy?
Do you think you’ve found your true calling yet? If so, what is it and how did you come to discover it? If not, what types of things strike a chord with you? (It’s OK if they seem completely random.)
The author says “answers reveal themselves through doing, not thinking.” If you haven’t found your true calling, think about a step you can take, taking into consideration the things that strike a chord with you (identified above). What’s one thing that feels right you could try now?
Loving yourself and being true to yourself is a powerful skill that means tapping into what brings you the greatest joy — and then doing it.
The author shares an anecdote that exemplifies loving yourself and being true to yourself.
Hiking deep into the rocky desert canyons of southeast Utah with friends, Sincero encountered “Loincloth Man.” This dude had forsaken modern society to live in the wild, surviving entirely off what nature provided for him. What struck her most about this guy wasn’t his impeccably tailored loincloth or the fact that he cut his hair with a sharp rock; rather, it was that fact that he was totally unapologetic about his choices.
He didn't worry about what he should be doing or what he was missing or what anyone thought of his loincloth. He was simply happy being true to himself, in that moment, in the middle of nowhere. He exemplifies “loving yourself,” no matter who you really are.
This section explains how to connect to Source Energy to get into top mental and spiritual shape. When you’re connected to Source Energy, you can create your new reality.
The goal of meditation is to quiet your mind of all the chatter so you can connect to Source Energy and hear your inner guidance. Meditation is at once simple and hard. Sitting still and thinking about nothing is harder than it seems, which is why it’s called a meditation practice.
With meditation, start small and work your way up — five minutes is sufficient at the beginning. There are no rules or set ways to meditate, but doing it will drastically improve your life because it connects you to Source Energy (“The Zone” or the “Vortex”).
Meditation will bring you into the present moment. raise your frequency, open you up to receive unlimited information and ideas, relax you, relieve stress, strengthen intuition and focus, let you hear your inner voice more clearly, fill you with light and love, put you in a good mood, and help you love yourself.
Not every meditation session will be profound. You may have enlightening experiences or you may fall asleep. The important thing is to keep doing it. Even if you only reach the Zone for a minute, it will eventually start making a difference in your life.
In the age of always-available technology and distraction as a way of ife, mediation is even more important. It’s a break from the madness and chaos.
Basic meditation is quite simple: sit in a comfortable cross-legged position; hands on knees or in lap. Sit up straight; relax your face, jawline and forehead. Close your eyes (or keep them open, gazing at a spot on the ground). Focus on your breathing. Release any thoughts that come into your brain and focus back on breathing. Keep your mind as clear and empty as possible; listen for flashes of intuition.
These ideas may prove helpful as you learn to practice meditation.
Getting a handle on your thoughts is key to changing your life. Albert Einstein once said, “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
Your thoughts and beliefs dictate your reality, so if you want to change your reality, you have to change your thoughts. When you change your thinking, you’ll see evidence of a new life being created around you. It’s not the other way around — you can’t wait for the evidence and then change your thinking.
Understand that everything you want is available to you; you just have to shift your perception to see it become reality. Your job isn’t to figure out how your dreams will become reality; it’s to know what you want and be open to receiving the how. You do this with your thoughts.
Keep your thoughts directed toward your goal, do what you know to do to keep moving in the right direction, and be on the lookout for your opportunities.
When you want to get a handle on your thoughts and use them to positively change your reality, try these strategies:
Ask for what you want. When you get quiet, clear the clutter in your brain, get in touch with Source Energy, and send thoughts of what you want. This begins the manifestation process.
Act like it’s already happened. When you want something badly, act like it’s yours already. Prepare for it. Stay open to opportunities that can lead you toward that goal.
Make some upgrades where you are now. When you’re actively visualizing a better reality, and you’re thinking and imagining the change, it helps to make some upgrades to your current situation. If you want a better lifestyle, clean the clutter in your home. Put inspiring art on the walls. This keeps your frequency high and shows The Universe you’re not joking around.
Make a vision board. Feeding your mind the images of the things and experiences you want to manifest is powerful; your mind sends those images to Source Energy, which begins the manifestation process. Paste pictures of people, places, things and experiences you want onto a board; hang it where you can see it.
Surround yourself with support. Hanging around with bleak whiners will drag you down. To keep yourself in a positive headspace, find people who see limitless possibility as their reality. Find people who act on their big ideas. If you don’t know anybody like this, make new friends.
Love yourself.
No matter what stage of life we’re in, if we harness the ability we had in our youth to continuously live our dreams, we can reach our goals and live with more joy.
When we’re young we dive into creative pursuits with reckless abandon, getting spectacular results. But when we’re older and wiser, we live less “present in our purpose,” taking on more grown-up versions of life. It’s like being responsible equals not having fun anymore.
It’s harder to dream and take on big goals as we move through life because we have to overcome judgements and ignore fears we’ve gained from past experiences. But when we reconnect with our inner kid, we can focus on the positives instead of the list of negatives life may have handed us.
You can learn a lot from how you lived your life in the “old days.” Think of a time in your life when you felt like you were hitting on all cylinders — doing stuff because it was fun without worrying about the outcome — a time when you were “on-purpose.” You couldn’t wait to get up in the morning and go do your thing. What were your attitude and priorities during this time? Channel them to give yourself the clarity and boost you need now.
Sincero talks about one of her most “on-purpose” times of life, as part of a band called Crotch. They didn’t know anything about starting a band or being a band, but they did it anyway. They managed to acquire a following; create a film about the record industry; star in, write and direct a music video; get a record deal and more. This time spent living entirely in the present, untainted by worries and fears, was fun and successful.
Think about these strategies to harness the youth mindset of being turned on by life:
See what you can get away with. Go after life with a sense of “why not” rather than apprehension. Sincero’s motto is, “I just wanna see what I can get away with.” This takes the pressure off and helps you get back into the adventure. “I just want to see if I can start a new business/get out of debt/lose 100 pounds/meet my soulmate.”
Find what makes you lose track of time. Think about those times you’ve completely lost track of time because you were so immersed in something. When you lose track of time like that, you’ve entered the Vortex (Source Energy). Since you want to be in the Vortex as much as possible, figure out what gets you there. How can you be doing more of those things? How can you do less of the things that don’t immerse you?
Let the Beginner live alongside the Expert. Continue to hone your skills and take your craft seriously, but don’t lose the fun in the process.
Love yourself.
Have you lost the fun in your pursuits?
You can learn a lot from how you lived your life in the “old days.” Think about a time in your past where you were firing on all cylinders, living life with gusto and not thinking too hard about the “right way” to do things. When was it, and what were you doing?
What were your attitude and priorities during this time? Is there a way to channel them to give yourself the clarity and kick-in-the-behind you need now? How?
This chapter talked about finding the types of things that make you lose track of time. What makes you lose track of time? Is there a way you can do more of whatever immerses you?
If you want to attract good things and feelings into your life, you must send good things out to everyone around you. Giving is one of our greatest joys as well as being a fearless and powerful action. When we trust that there is plenty out there in The Universe, we can give freely. This raises our frequency, strengthens our faith, and puts us in a position to receive abundant amounts in return.
But when we live in fear and hold onto what we have because we don’t trust that there’s any more out there for us, we stifle our energy and create more lack — the very thing we’re hoping to avoid.
Giving and receiving depend on each other; the more you give, the more you receive.
Receiving shouldn’t be confused with greedily taking — that’s a different, negative energy that is fear-based and needy. Giving, similarly, shouldn’t be confused with smothering, which is also fear-based. Giving and receiving are both full of gratitude and surrendering to the flow.
Sincero recounts an example of the joy and benefits of getting into the giving-and-receiving flow: A person with MS was advised by her mentor to give away 29 things in 29 days as part of her cure. When she actually did this — starting by “giving” a phone call to a sick friend — she found herself increasingly joyful and excited. By day 14 she was better physically and her business started booming. She created a blog that started a movement of people giving away things daily, leading to a book called “29 Gifts.”
Gratitude is a state of being — having an awareness of and appreciation for the many miracles in your life. Think about how it feels when you thank someone for doing something incredible for you. You feel great, having received whatever it was and sending out thanks; they feel great for being appreciated, then you feel great again — it’s an endless circle of good feelings.
Because being in a state of gratitude creates such good feelings, it puts you at a high frequency, connecting you to Source Energy, which puts you in a powerful position to manifest more good things and experiences.
The more you can stay in a state of gratitude, the stronger your connection to Source Energy and the more effortlessly you’ll be able to manifest something you can’t see into your reality.
When you are not in a state of gratitude, you cut yourself off from the potential flow of good things into your life. When you’re disappointed, angry, guilty or oblivious instead of grateful, you’re at a lower frequency, less connected to Source Energy, and in a less powerful state to manifest good things into your life.
Wallace Wattles perfectly expressed the power of gratitude in “The Science of Getting Rich”: “You cannot exercise much power without gratitude; for it is gratitude that keeps you connected with Power.” In other words, you are practically powerless without gratitude.
When you send grateful energy out, you receive it back, bringing you closer to Source Energy, raising your frequency higher and higher until you realize you are the same as Source energy, and you manifested your reality yourself.
Gratitude connects you to the truth: you are the power. Being grateful to Source Energy is being grateful to yourself, hence the “love yourself” element of each section of this book.
Gratitude strengthens faith. Faith is believing in what you can’t yet see. Faith is what allows you to leave your comfort zone and change your present reality. Faith destroys fear and allows you to take risks. A consistent state of gratitude makes it easier to believe that more good things are out there for you — you’ve received good things before, so it’s easier to believe more is coming.
Having faith means being grateful for what you don’t have yet. When you have unwavering faith and unwavering gratitude, your ability to manifest magnifies. When you’re grateful for that which you haven’t yet received, you’re telling the Universe you know it already exists, putting you at the right frequency to receive it.
Sincero uses the example of always being able to find a good parking space. She approaches parking with a knowing, relaxed and grateful attitude that the perfect spot is already hers. Inevitably, she gets a good spot and receives it with excitement and more gratitude, never taking it for granted.
Find the good in any situation. Be grateful, look for the good, and learn. No matter what is going on, say, “This is good because . . .” Look for ways to be grateful for all you’ve manifested — even the bad stuff. For example, if you have a flat tire you can be grateful for being able to show your kids how to deal with an unexpected situation, plus spending extra time with them. Doing this is important because focusing on the negative things in your life lowers your frequency and keeps you in a state of resentment and pain, possibly attracting more negativity to you. Focusing on the positive aspects raises your frequency, allows you to grow because you see the lesson in the experience.
Write thank you notes. Mentally or physically, think about your day and note 10 things you are thankful for. Stopping and noticing throughout the day all the things you can be thankful for raises your frequency.
Love yourself. Be grateful for all you are and will be.
Be thankful for what you haven’t received yet.
Having faith means being grateful for what you don’t have yet — and then manifesting it. The author’s example was her knack for finding great parking spaces. Have you ever had that kind of experience? Do her words about being thankful before it happens ring true to you?
Part of practicing gratitude is finding the good in any situation — even bad ones. Recall a bad experience in your life. Can you find any good in it? What is it?
The author advises writing 10 mental or physical thank you notes a day. For now, try writing three short thank you notes here.
When you hold onto resentment, you give away your power. It’s like “taking poison and waiting for your enemies to die.” When you carry around guilt and resentment, your Ego is in charge. It holds onto the past, keeps you a prisoner to your pain, and lowers your frequency.
But when you decide to forgive and let negative feelings melt away, you are on the path to freedom. Your higher self is in charge and you own your power, banishing the anger, resentment and hurt.
When you have an issue with someone you love, explain how you feel, but don’t blame. Forgive them regardless of the outcome. When you have an issue with someone you don’t care about, just free yourself and let it go, regardless of whether or not they understand how wrong they are. Forgiving someone is not letting them off the hook — it’s letting yourself off the hook.
How do you actually let go of the negative feelings and forgive?
Compassion. The only way to truly heal after someone does something awful to you is to find compassion for them (or yourself, if that’s who you need to forgive). One technique is to imagine the person who wronged you as a child. Think of them acting out of fear, or trying to protect themselves and deal with their own suffering.
Understand it’s about you, not them. You have a choice in how you react and respond when you’re faced with a bad situation. When you remove the other person from the situation, you can open yourself up to a more calm, pleasant reaction. Irritating situations and people are opportunities for growth, not pain.
To illustrate this concept, imagine you’re on a boat and another boat bangs into yours, scratching it. If there’s a texting moron driving the boat that ran into you, you might deal with it by yelling or going crazy. But if there’s nobody in the boat, there's nobody to get mad at and you can deal with the situation calmly. The same situation (scratched boat), but two different ways to react. If you have nobody to be angry at, it’s hard to be angry. Instead, it opens the incident to questions. Why did this happen? How did I attract this? How can I grow from this?
Be happy instead of right. Even if the other person in a challenging situation handled things poorly, instead of holding on to anger for days, it’s better to let it go. Ask yourself, what do I have to think or do right now to be happy? The answer may be, “Let her think she’s right.”
Look at the situation from different angles: When you look at a situation from another perspective and let go of your “my way or the highway” tendencies, resentment dies down. Yours is not the only perspective, and your perception is limited.
For example, imagine a friend doesn’t text you back. You wonder if she’s angry, then you may spin out into resentment, thinking, What’s her problem!? In reality there are a million reasons she didn’t text back. She may have just dropped her phone in a toilet.
When you’re inquisitive about a situation, you set yourself up to forgive another person more easily because you realize it’s about you, not them; you become wise to some of your less-than-enlightened qualities. You could be one question away from being happy. For example, you could ask, “Why am I freaking out over something I have no proof of?”
Get it out of your system. Beat a pillow, scream and let yourself have a total conniption. Then let it go.
Understand that you won’t even remember this. Whatever you’re dealing with right now will only be a blip in your memory in the future. Try to imagine a situation three years ago when you were angry and upset with someone. You may not be able to even recall the details, and you certainly won’t get all worked up again.
Forget about it. When you’ve forgiven someone, wipe the slate clean. Don’t judge them in the future through the lens of their past actions. Release all your expectations and give the person a blank slate. Focus on the good in them.
Love yourself.
Forgiving is for your benefit, not the other person's.
One of the tips on learning to forgive is to have compassion for the person who wronged you and picture them as a child acting out of fear. Is there someone you are trying to forgive? If you were to try this compassion technique, what would their story be?
Another forgiveness technique is to ask yourself what you have to think or do right now to be happy? In a situation where you are angry and resentful with someone, what do you have to do to be happy right now? Can you do it?
You’re supposed to wipe the slate clean after you’ve forgiven someone. Have you ever had a “forgive and never forget” experience — from either side? How did it make you feel? How did it affect your relationship with the other person?
Going with the flow of life, dealing with the unexpected in a positive way, and finding the joy in frustrating situations are ways to grow as a person and create a richer life.
The author recounts an experience during a trip to India that taught her how to go with the flow and get to know your neighbor instead of stressing. She says you can learn everything you need to know about spirituality and life by taking a 12-hour bus ride through India during wedding season.
On what was supposed to be a 5-hour nonstop bus ride to Delhi from Agra, she instead found herself on a bus that seemed not to recognize the idea of times and stops. Instead, they traveled through weddings, which were more like parades, where the entire bus would get off to join in the party. The bus also kept pulling over to let random people on, have tea, have a smoke, and other various reasons.
At one point it let on a man who screamed to the entire bus in Hindi. Instead of being annoyed, the travelers cheered and chanted. They pulled over again, and it turns out the yeller was a holy man who gave the crowd a tour of the temples in a village. They were there for two hours, wandering through temples, skipping in a circle before a statue of Krishna, praying and clapping. When finally back on the bus, even though they were still 5 hours away from Delhi when they should have been there hours before, everyone was cheerful and chatty. They stopped a few more times until they arrived at their destination at 3 am.
Here’s what India taught Sincero about tapping into the “Mother Lode”:
This section will help you make concrete changes in your life to create the reality you’ve always wanted.
Sometimes we can get so deeply wrapped up in the stories we’ve told ourselves that we can’t see the endless possibilities and opportunities that surround us. We’re trapped by stories like, “I’ll never make enough money,” “I’m lazy,” “All the good men are taken.”
But the truth is, what you choose to focus on becomes your reality. If you stop focusing on these negative, self-limiting stories that frame your reality, you’d realize that you can create any reality you want.
To illustrate the infinite possibilities around us that we don’t see, try this exercise: Look around your room and take a minute to count all the red things you see. Then stop, look down, and try to think of everything yellow around you. There’s probably a lot — but you didn’t see it because you were looking for red.
We often hide behind our negative stories, using them as excuses to not reach for our dreams. When Sincero finds herself wrapped up in her own excuses and feeling sorry for herself, she thinks of Ray Charles. Broke, blind, orphaned and discriminated against, he went on to become one of the most influential and successful American musicians ever. This makes her own excuses feel pitiful.
All of our excuses and missteps did have value. They allowed us to grow and learn. But it’s time to graduate and move on to a better reality. Instead of hiding behind our excuses, we need to make the choice to let go of them and manifest the reality we want. Life is an illusion created by our perception, and we can change it.
It’s time to let go of the current story and write one that fits who you truly are.
To start shifting your current perspective and rewire a new story for yourself, start with the following strategies:
Know what your self-sabotaging stories are. Before you can let go of your stories, you have to understand what they are. What do you hear yourself saying over and over? To figure out the lies you’ve been telling yourself, think about how you’d finish these phrases: I always …, I never …, I can’t … I should …, I suck at …, I wish …, I don’t have ..., I’m trying to...
Another way to figure out your stories is to look at areas of life where you’re lacking. For example, if you’re overweight, your story could be, “I have no discipline.”
Understand what you’re gaining from your self-sabotaging stories. If you’re perpetuating some negative story about yourself, you’re getting something out of it. When you identity the false benefits you’re reaping from holding onto your stories, you can start letting them go and replace them with new, empowered stories that serve you as an adult.
For example, if your story is that you suck at relationships, the benefit may be that you don’t have to commit or risk getting hurt; you don’t have to compromise or share.
Lose the self-defeating, childhood stories and replace them with new, powerful stories. You get to reinvent your story as you continue to grow. Try this exercise: Write down, stream of consciousness style, what you’re getting from these old, limiting beliefs, and really feel them. For example, if your story is “there’s no good men left and I’ll be single forever,” you’d write something like, “By saying this, I don’t have to take responsibility for why I’m not meeting anyone. I get to be a victim.”
After you’ve felt the feelings you’ve gotten from your false rewards, replace them with the feelings of joy and power that being your true self will bring you. You then can release these stories and replace each with a new truth. For example, “By saying there aren’t any good men out there I don’t have to take responsibility for why I’m not meeting any,” becomes, “The world is full of awesome men and I am fully capable of finding a good one.”
You’ll see that these false rewards are simply scared parts of you acting out, like a frightened child. See yourself as the adult taking the wheel of a Ferrari away from the child version of yourself who’s been driving it all along.
Take action. Understand you can have what you want, and truly believe it. Pretending won’t work. You can’t go on a date and say you have a great attitude and secretly just know it’s going to be hideous.
Change your routine. Go a different route, change up the restaurant, talk to strangers — do things that pull you out of your routine. This will open your eyes to all the amazing realities that were there all along.
Guard against spiraling. Sometimes we can be derailed when something sad happens, spiraling downward and piling on additional reasons to be down. For example, your dog dies, and then you realize you’re now dogless and single and have many other problems, creating an ever-expanding pity party. If something negative happens, feel it, learn from it, but then let it go and focus on your life.
Love yourself.
It’s time to create a new reality.
What is one of your self-sabotaging false realities? To help you find out, fill in the blanks on these phrases: “I always …, I never …, I can’t … I should …, I suck at …, I wish …, I don’t have ..., I’m trying to...
If you’ve identified a false story, now try to figure out what “reward” you’ve been getting. What do you think it is?
It’s time to write a new, amazing story around a real belief about yourself. What is it?
If you’re serious about changing your life, you’ll find a way. If you’re not, you’ll find an excuse.
Procrastination is an easy form of self-sabotage; there’s no shortage of fun things you can do to help you procrastinate, as well as people eager to procrastinate with you. One form of procrastination is simply not going for a challenge or experience we really want because we tell ourselves we’re “not qualified.” What we’re really saying is that we’re too scared to do it, not that we can’t do it. We talk ourselves out of going for an opportunity because we lack the experience or qualifications, but in reality, what we lack is the determination to do what we need to do.
We put a ton of energy in to coming up with excuses why we can’t be, do, or have what we want; what if we focused all that energy on going for it instead?
In actuality, we know more than we give ourselves credit for, we’re drawn to things we’re naturally good at, there’s no better teacher than necessity, and passion trumps fear.
To illustrate this the author shares how she blustered her way into an event planning job out of college for an Ethnic Folk Arts festival. She had no direct experience or qualifications, but she did really want the job. She ended up getting it and knocking it out of the park, rising to the occasion, working hard, believing in herself and doing whatever it took to make the event successful. In hindsight she realized that she had many qualities that made her suited for the job — people skills, organization — even though on paper she may have looked unqualified.
When you go for it instead of finding excuses, you can change your life.
Done is better than perfect. No one else cares or will likely even notice that something isn’t 100 percent perfect. There’s no better way to get things done than to already be rolling along. Getting started gives you momentum.
Pinpoint your stopping points. When you’re working on something, what’s your roadblock? What causes you to stop? Pinpoint the moment you tell yourself “I’m out.” It could be when you have to make phone calls, or commit, or figure out how to make money, or even get out of bed. When you understand the exact moment that stops you in your tracks, you can prepare yourself for the roadblock. For example, if you are trying to become a paid speaker, and you realize that when you have to sit down and make calls to try to book yourself a gig you find yourself immersed in social media, you can turn off your Internet or go someplace you can’t get online. Eliminate the distraction.
Make a bet with someone who’ll hold you accountable. If you make a bet that you’ll do something with someone who’ll show you no mercy, your self-discipline kicks up a notch. Bet something that’s painful to lose but not too unrealistic. For example, you can bet someone $1000 you’ll write your first book chapter by a certain date. Write out the check, including payment date, and keep it nearby as a reminder.
Own it. Figure out how much time you really need to get the job done, go have fun, and get down to business when the pressure’s on. Otherwise you waste time feeling bad when you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing and create the worst of both worlds. If you’re going to procrastinate by going to the beach, enjoy the beach, then get down to business.
Love yourself.
Sometimes a massive to-do list can cause panic, leaving us completely overwhelmed, wondering how we’re going to do it all. This drama we create when we’re overwhelmed can be fixed by a simple shift in perception. Rather than completely freaking out about all we have on our plates, we can instead see our opportunities and responsibilities as blessings.
There are three common complaints behind our feelings of overwhelm; we can shift our perception of them and get a more pleasant perspective on our huge to-do lists:
Time, like the rest of reality, is in your mind. You can make it work for you instead of being its slave. For example, you may think you don’t have time to find a proper parking space, so you park in the red zone. But this can lead to three hours wasted getting your car out of a tow garage. You may think you don’t have time to clean your office. But this can lead to wasting half an hour searching for your phone under piles of junk.
There are some key strategies to help you start handling your time better:
Show time some respect. If you’re constantly late, you’re sending a message to The Universe that you don’t value time. If you’re always late, start being early. If you constantly flake, get it together and stop. Set reminders on your smartphone. This will help you create more time in your own life and you can stop being someone who wastes everyone else’s time.
Identify your favorite time-wasters. What do you find yourself doing when you’re supposed to be doing something else? Facebook? Eating? When you know what your time-wasters are, you can guard against them, turning the internet off, or making the kitchen off limits.
Break down a task into bite-sized pieces. A giant task can be deflating, leaving you wondering how you’ll ever get it all done. But when you break it down into smaller pieces, it seems doable. For example, if you see a messy house and are overwhelmed by the cataclysmic disarray, break it down and focus on one room at a time. By looking at each task separately, it all seems more manageable.
This idea of breaking things down works for time, too. For example, if you are building a website, rather than dedicating a whole day to the job, work in hour-long chunks where you can’t eat, walk around, or check texts. Once the hour is up you can take a break and do whatever you want.
When you feel overwhelmed by your to-do list, thinking you have way too much to do, try these strategies:
Stop talking about how busy you are. Instead of feeling weighed down by all you have to do, focus on what you enjoy about what you do. Understand you have a life full of interesting projects and communicate that to the world and yourself.
Get help. An outside perspective can help direct us where to go next or what to do next when we’re confused. Make sure you seek this advice from someone who knows what they’re doing. Think about hiring a business coach or clutter consultant, or talk to a trusted friend.
Prioritize and delegate. We often think we have to handle it all, or that the world will fall apart if we don’t do everything. So ask yourself, why am I doing all this? Is it all absolutely necessary? Does it have to all be done now? Just like breaking down your time into small chunks, you can break down your to-do this into small chunks. Put what has to happen now and what can wait into two separate lists, the Now list and the Wait list. Then look at the Now list and figure out the most important tasks. Try to delegate the less-important tasks or save them for off hours.
Speaking of delegating, trying to do it all yourself is a recipe for disaster. Help is all around us; sometimes receiving it is just about looking at the situation differently. Have your partner help with the laundry. Have your teen clean out the garage. Find the money to hire help.
Put your own priorities first. Other people’s needs can grab too much of your time and attention. Don’t answer calls or texts while you’re busy; accomplish your own tasks first before helping anyone else.
Sometimes we live in the mindset that taking time off will cause your entire life to collapse around you. This is arrogant and unhealthy. If you don’t take time off from work, your body will betray you with illness.
It’s also important to make time to do the things that inspire you; enjoying life is a priority. Designing a more fun-filled existence lets you enjoy this life while you still have it.
And don’t forget to love yourself.
When we’re ready to break out of our comfort zones and start creating a new life, we’re too often held back by fear. Fear is always there, surrounding us, ready to pounce and stop us from taking chances, but we can choose whether we’ll engage with it or drown it out.
Fear has become a habit, instilled in childhood. We’re taught to fear the world and play it safe, cautioning everyone around us. We’re so conditioned to do this that when others share their excitement over their big, brave plans — I’m traveling around the world by myself! I’m quitting my job to become an actor! — we answer with fear, caution and alarm. This is akin to something called the “crab effect.” When a bunch of crabs are in a bowl and one tries to climb out, the rest will try to pull him back down instead of helping him.
Our world would be very different if, instead of being taught to fear, we were taught to believe in miracles — that anything is possible.
The main drawback of fear is that it lives in the future: what we’re afraid of hasn’t happened yet. We have no idea if what we fear will actually ever happen. For example, we’re often fearful of death, but for all we know it could be a state of pure love and light.
Fighting fear requires becoming comfortable with the unknown, which is also known as faith. When your faith is greater than your fear of the unknown, you can turn the fear factor around and find freedom instead.
Look to the past. Think about something in your past you were afraid of. How do you feel about it now? Does it even give you a twinge of fear anymore? When you face your next challenge, remember that no matter how big it feels now, someday it will seem insignificant. Envision your current challenge from the future — from a place of victory — and it will lose much of its power to terrify you.
Try a different perspective. When you’re enveloped in fear, try looking at it from a different point of view. Break it down and pinpoint what you’re really afraid of, and then flip it around to make it work for you. For example, say you want to write a book but you can’t get started. Ask yourself why. The answer could be, “I’m scared it will be awful.” So what happens if it’s awful? “I'll be ashamed.” So basically, you’re not writing a book to protect yourself from feeling ashamed and stupid. Then flip this around. How stupid and ashamed will you be if you don’t write your book? Very! By changing your perspective, you can use the fear of not doing the thing you're scared of as fuel.
Be in the moment: Right now, is anything scary happening? Or are thoughts in your head freaking you out? Being afraid before something happens depletes your energy. Instead, stay in the moment and connect to your higher self. In the moments before you step into something scary — asking for a promotion, jumping out of a plane — connect to Source Energy; keep your frequency high and your belief in miracles strong. You’ll find you’re better equipped to deal with the situation and realize it's scarier in your mind than in reality.
Limit the negative input you receive. The bad news you read and watch builds into your fear. But wallowing in the pain and suffering of others isn’t helping anyone. If you really want to help the world, keep your frequency high and do your work from a place of power and joy.
Don’t think about upsetting things in bed at night. Our fears feel greatly magnified at 3 am. But there’s nothing you can do about it. Instead, don't waste precious time thinking about your problems — there’s nothing you can do about them at that point, and inevitably the next morning they don’t seem as scary. Use meditation to banish troubling thoughts. Focus on relaxing your body one muscle at a time. Do whatever you can to get a good night’s sleep — because being exhausted the next day won’t help you solve your problems.
Love yourself.
Banish troubling thoughts and enjoy the calm.
Fear lives in the future: what we’re afraid of hasn’t happened yet. What is something you fear that hasn’t happened yet? How likely is it that it will happen?
Do you dwell on your fear at night, in bed? If so, next time it happens, try the relaxation technique where you focus on relaxing your body one muscle at a time. Are you able to banish the troubling thoughts?
To fight this fear, practice staying in the moment instead of letting the thoughts in your head freak you out. Breathe deeply and connect to Source Energy. Do you feel calmer and better equipped to deal with the situation?
The people you surround yourself with act as mirrors onto whom you project your own faults and insecurities.
We are both attracted to and annoyed by qualities other people possess. When we are annoyed by them, we’re projecting onto them something we hate about ourselves, or their behavior triggers a fear or insecurity we may not even know we have.
When we think they’re great, we’re projecting something we like about ourselves (even if we haven’t quite developed it yet). If you actively don’t like something about someone else, it means it resonates with you on some level; it has some kind of meaning for you.
The people you surround yourself with act as mirrors for who you are and how much — or little — you love yourself. Your reality is created by what you focus on and how you interpret it — this goes for people too. What you focus on about other people is part of the reality you are creating.
The author gives this example: if your new boyfriend calls you “the Giant Dumbass,” you may choose to interpret this as a red flag indicating this is a bad relationship. Or you could take it as a sign that he’s hurting deep down and needs your love to save him. Either way, your perception is creating your reality.
Dealing with people who get under your skin is an opportunity to learn something about yourself, gain insights and grow. This information is even more valuable than what you learn from the people who love you.
When you’re interacting with someone who annoys you, figuring out what you’re projecting can help you heal, grow, and stop playing the victim. You’ll be forced to deal with aspects of your own personality that aren’t so pretty. Admitting you possess these less-than-stellar qualities — being mean, or lazy, or insecure — is the first step to letting them go.
For example, you know a person who is a true know-it-all. Anytime anyone shares some knowledge or an anecdote, this person knows more and can upstage and out-talk anyone else on the subject. This person drives you absolutely nuts. If their behavior resonates with you, this is a clue that you should dig deeper and find out why it annoys you so much. Do you secretly fear you are a know-it-all? Or do you harbor secret insecurities that other people think you don’t know anything?
If other people are annoying in a way that doesn’t truly resonate with us, we either don’t notice it or don’t get too worked up about it. For example, if you're 6 feet tall and someone calls you “shorty,” that’s not going to resonate with you. But if they tease you about being bossy, and deep down you always feared you were bossy, this would get under your skin.
If you’re focused on certain beliefs about who you are, you will attract people who mirror those traits. This is why, when you’re dealing with a toxic person in your life that you should banish, you may have a hard time letting go, finding excuses like, “They’re great deep down.” Maybe you’re afraid to hurt their feelings.
If you banish this toxic person, you’re faced with rewiring your limited beliefs about yourself. But as long as you make excuses for this person, you are avoiding facing your own issues about standing up for yourself.
When you let other people treat you badly, you’re saying that you are unwilling to make someone else more uncomfortable than they just made you. But when you stand up for yourself and decline to participate in a toxic person’s drama, you are standing up for your highest self, even if the other person ends up disappointed or inconvenienced, or thinks you’re crazy. You are respecting yourself instead of feeding your insecure need to be liked.
There are multiple benefits when you find the strength to stand up for yourself. You start attracting the people and opportunities in alignment with who you are instead of toxic people who suck your energy. You raise your own frequency when you stand up for yourself — and potentially help the other person raise their frequency, as well.
When you stop projecting your own insecurities and negative qualities, you are free to become your highest self. Here’s how to start:
Own your own faults. Notice what’s driving you nuts about other people. Use them as a mirror — is this a quality you have? Does something about their behavior remind you of something you do? Does it remind you of something you're trying to avoid or suppress?
Dig deeper. Once you’ve identified what part of yourself you’re projecting onto the other person who is irritating you, you can start to let it go. For example, if other people being late bothers you, ask yourself, “In what ways am I late/inconsiderate/unreliable?” Or perhaps, “Am I too rigid or controlling?”
Then ask yourself, how can this situation not bother me? For example, say you’ve come to the realization that you’re a little rigid. To be happier, you may need to loosen up and stop demanding people do things exactly as you do. Let it go. When we’re aware of what we do, we can investigate why — and then choose to keep or lose the behavior instead of blindly reacting through habit.
Understand what you’re getting out of the situation. As discussed in Chapter 17, we don’t do anything unless we’re getting something out of it. In our rigidity example, the benefits of being so rigid may be you’re always on time and productive. But there are negative advantages, such as intimidating others and being in control. When you dissect and get rid of the false rewards this behavior gives you, you can release it.
Ask yourself how it would feel if you changed the behavior. Imagine yourself as the person you’d be if you let this behavior go. How do you feel? Understand what it would be like not to live this way, and then release the behavior.
Don’t be an enabler. What if you really want to help someone instead of inviting them out of your life? It’s important to understand the difference between helping and enabling. Are you lifting them up or are they pulling you down? Are they grateful or entitled? If you’re constantly bailing someone out, they’ll never discover how to save themselves.
Get rid of toxic people. Sometimes no matter how much work you do on yourself, someone else is too dysfunctional and toxic to have around. Along with learning how to grow from the irritating behavior of others, there are times you’ll need to just get away from someone who is chronically self-obsessed, or violent, or negative, or otherwise toxic. But this can be hard because you may love this person and guilt can get in the way.
First, see it as being nice to yourself instead of being mean to them. Secondly, cut the cord as quickly and simply as possible, with little to no discussion. Don’t get sucked into explaining your decision or dealing with their problems. Simply say the relationship isn’t working for you, you don’t like how it makes you feel, and it’s not open for discussion.
Love yourself.
Other people’s annoying qualities are your annoying qualities.
Think of someone who annoys the living daylights out of you. What specifically bothers you? How does this person make you feel?
Use this person as a mirror and did deep. Is their annoying quality a quality you possess? Does something about their behavior remind you of something you do? Does it remind you of something you're trying to avoid or suppress? If so, what is it?
Is there a toxic person in your life? Why have you allowed them to remain a part of your life? Is it time to give them the heave-ho? How do you feel about cutting the cord?
Your life is happening right now, so don’t miss out. When it comes to the people and life you love, what could be more important than soaking it all up right now while you still can?
If there’s something you’ve always wanted to do, start now — you’ll never be this young again. For the people you love, see them as often as possible; treat every encounter like it may be your last. Love them despite their flaws. Let differences go.
If you’re not where you want to be, keep going. Treat yourself like your closest friend and celebrate how awesome you are.
Love yourself while you have the chance.
This section explains what you need to do to take action as you create your new life.
Making a decision means you’ll do whatever it takes to reach your goal. When you make a real decision, you will keep moving toward that goal no matter what roadblocks appear in your path. All too often, we pretend to decide — in reality, we’re just trying until it gets too hard.
For example, Henry Ford decided that his car would have an engine with 8 cylinders cast in one block. All the engineers said it was impossible; time after time he sent them back to try again until they managed to do the impossible. He wouldn’t let any roadblock deter him after he made his decision.
To be able to make a true decision about a goal, it’s critical to have a connection to Source Energy and an unwavering belief in yourself. If we don’t have this faith, we can fall prey to our own and everyone else’s fears, and risk giving up at the first sign of failure. In fact, temporary failure is a part of succeeding, and there are countless examples of this: Henry Ford had already gone bankrupt in his first auto company attempt when his V8 engine was finally a success. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school 3 times. Beethoven’s music teacher told him he was talentless and couldn’t compose.
What all these people realized is that the only failure is quitting — everything else is just learning. When you want something badly enough, and decide you’ll get it, you will.
To help spur yourself on, draw from past experiences — you’ve already accomplished more than you realize. You’ve lost weight, gotten the promotion, bought the house, quit the bad habit. You’ve been successful before and you can do it again — even if you think what you want is out of reach.
When you decide to go for your goal, you stop listening to your excuses and change your habits. Here’s how to start:
Want it badly. If you don’t truly want it, you’ll quit when things get hard. Pushing through to reach a goal means you’re going to have to work through major obstacles. You can’t just want to do something; you have to be all in and gung ho, believe it’s possible despite any evidence to the contrary, and go for it.
Get good at deciding. Deciding is hard. A fear of making the wrong decision can lead to waffling back and forth, but making decisions too quickly, without proper thought, can backfire. You can end up so afraid of picking one thing and missing out on another that you never end up making any decision — and indecision helps you stay stuck in your comfort zone.
Successful people face their decision-making process head on, not waffling or procrastinating. You can do this too when you decide to become a person who makes quick, smart decisions. You can do little things to build up your decision-making muscle, giving yourself small tests, such as picking something off the menu of a restaurant in under 30 seconds or giving yourself just 10 minutes to choose your groceries. Get in the habit of choosing something. Give yourself a deadline if you’re a muller and erase “I don’t know” from your vocabulary.
Stop negotiating. Understand that your decision is not up for negotiation. Negotiating is a way to help you wiggle out of your decision. Don’t let yourself off the hook. If you’re trying to quit smoking, don’t entertain the thought that one little cigarette won’t hurt.
Stay the course. Tenacity is a trait of successful people. When you wear down your obstacles, excuses and fears, and keep going, you can succeed. To change your life you have to believe in miracles. Your faith has to be stronger than your fear — strong enough to get you through the rough times and keep going no matter what.
Love yourself.
When you expand your idea of what’s available to you in all areas of life, and decide to go after big things, you open yourself up to the means of accomplishing it — money. Money is energy, just like anything else. When you are operating at a high frequency, you align your energy with the money you seek and manifest the money you want and need to fuel your new life.
When you place yourself in a new, bigger game — starting your own business, sending your kids to a private school, hiring a housecleaner, or whatever you set your sights on — you either pay for it with money you have or you manifest the money.
The author had an experience with manifesting money when she needed to buy a new car. With an empty bank account and a broken-down car, she test drove an amazing Audi and a practical Honda. She bought the Audi not knowing how she was going to pay for it, but once she made the decision she almost immediately created new income sources. She stopped “playing small” and went for something out of her reach, and big things ensued — her business took off financially, she travelled and got a book deal, and was able to make charitable contributions close to her heart.
When you decide to take a leap of faith into a new realm, it may require spending money you do have, taking a loan, selling something, or manifesting money in another way. This goes against standard wisdom that says debt is bad and irresponsible; the author says incurring some debt is all part of taking a leap of faith, investing in yourself, and rising to the occasion.
Making money isn’t just about making money, just as losing weight isn’t just about weight. It's about who you become and what you believe is possible for yourself.
We need to have good energy around money because our relationship with money is just as important as what we do to manifest it. Too many people have conflicted feelings about money, making it hard to attract and welcome money into their lives. Sometimes people carry a fear or loathing of money in an attempt to show integrity. For example, it can feel noble to suffer for your art.
Sometimes our efforts at getting a handle on money end up taking precious time and energy, for example, pinching pennies, clipping coupons, and as the author did, driving 30 blocks to a gas station to save three cents a gallon. So in an effort to make money an inconsequential part of life, you can end up thinking about it more than someone who actually has it.
Rather, we can welcome money into our lives joyfully, treating it like the important and meaningful relationship it is. Wanting and having money is OK — a good thing, not an evil, greedy thing. You can make money and keep your integrity; it’s not an either-or situation.
Like any other relationship, we need to nurture our relationship with money. We do this by observing six rules of wealth consciousness:
Your beliefs hold the key to your financial success. Believe you can have what you want — it already exists — and then go out and get it. When you come from a place of abundance, for example, saying, “I’m going to manifest $5K to take a trip to Italy!” your faith in the unseen is strong, your frequency is higher, and you can attract the money you desire. For example, when the author bought her expensive car, it caused her to face her fears and boost her faith. She didn’t see the money, but she believed it was there and had faith it would be hers.
Conversely, coming from a place of needing money and thinking it doesn’t exist focuses us on lack. When we believe in lack, we lower our frequency and attract more lack.
No matter what your current or former circumstances, this abundance is available to us all, whether we were born rich or poor, regardless of any obstacles we faced. Once you understand that we live in an abundant universe, it’s easier to drop the limiting belief that you shouldn’t take too much. In fact, the more you have, the more you have to share. There’s plenty of money to go around for everyone; you not making it for yourself doesn’t mean more for anyone else.
When you limit yourself and “play small,” you’re withholding your gifts from the world. Imagine if your favorite musician never had enough money for lessons or guitars? Making money is, in fact, a responsibility. It’s a way you can play a role in creating a better world.
You likely have some deeply ingrained beliefs about money that are holding you back from creating wealth and living the kind of life you want to live. Maybe you think you’re destined to live poor. Maybe you resent money.
It’s time to rewrite your story around money, and the first step is to clearly understand how you feel about it. Try this exercise: Write a letter to money as if it were a person. Get down all your feelings about money — confusion, resentment, longing. Then, find the truth by breaking your letter down sentence by sentence. For example, if you fear you’ll never get any money, remember a time in your life when you did receive the money you needed. There are likely many times! Understand that money can, has, and will come to you. Create an affirmation around the idea of “money comes to me all the time.” Repeat it as you go about your day.
You deserve to live a happy, healthy, successful life in which you thrive. And it’s not just about you: you being the best person you can be will create good in the world, perhaps through your business, charitable giving, or inspiring others.
You will need money to improve your life and create the best version of yourself, but too many of us feel like we don’t deserve the things that will make us happiest. You may think that’s greedy or asking too much.
But to be your best and do your best, you should demand, expect and receive the best of what the world has to offer. This lets you put your best out into the world — and everyone wins.
Think about the kind of life that will make you truly happy. Be clear, specific and honest about your most personal, true version of success. What kind of possessions will support the work you want to do? What kinds of experiences will you need? Figure out how much this life will cost and set out to manifest the money you need to create this life.
To create the wealth you need for your successful life, you have to get yourself in alignment with the kind of money you want to manifest. Money is nothing more than an exchange of energy between people, so match your frequency to your desired income.
When you sell your services or demand a salary from a certain frequency, you’ll attract clients and employers who are already at that frequency. You need to believe you’re worth this money. For example, if you believe you’re worth $10 an hour, that’s the kind of job you’ll attract. But if you believe you’re worth $100 an hour, you’ll attract that kind of client.
So what frequency are you at now as it relates to money? Where do you want to be? Figure out where you want to be by getting clear on the life you want to live, and how much you’ll need to make to manifest this reality. If you’re not making enough, push yourself to raise prices or seek a higher-paying job. Maybe you’ll need to boost your education. Making vision boards is one tool to raise your frequency and get yourself to where you want to be.
Be clear about the life you want to live, how much money it will take to live it, and how it will make you feel. Be specific; the Universe responds to specifics. For example, research the costs involved with building your dream home, upping your wardrobe, traveling, or whatever your new life entails. How much would you need to make to achieve these goals? Again, crunch numbers and be specific. Make a specific list about not only how much your life vision will cost, but how it will make you feel and why you want it.
There are five steps to help put yourself in the best shape possible to manifest money:
Get a sense of urgency. When you know what you want and how much it will cost, your next step is to develop a sense of urgency. Treat your dreams with the same sense of urgency you’d use if your back was up against a wall.
Imagine your rent is due in a week and you have no idea how to pay for it. You have no time to fret or whine or worry because you have to get busy making something happen. An urgent situation creates clarity, and you can’t screw around; you have to make it happen.
A self-imposed sense of urgency helps you stay the course until you’ve created your dream life. This switches you from inaction mode to action mode, from being a victim to a superhero.
Raise your own bottom line. Create a new bottom line for yourself. It’s not just about changing your income; it’s about changing who you are. When you raise your own bottom line, it’s easier to create the urgency to go after the things you want on a higher level, such as money.
For example, become someone who isn’t struggling and panicking over money. Decide to keep a minimum amount of money in your checking account and make it non-negotiable. If that amount is $2,000, commit to it. When it threatens to dip below $2,000 you know you have to kick your earnings into high gear stat.
Envision your new life. Create a clear vision of yourself living with this money and all the experiences or things that will come with it. Use this vision to write a mantra to help you manifest this money. For example, “I see myself making $150,000 by December by taking on X number of new clients.” Describe what you’ll do with this money and how it will make you feel. Perhaps you take the family on vacation; describe the joy on their faces. Perhaps you donate to a favorite cause; describe how happy you and the recipients are. Repeat this mantra over and over every day. Again, specificity is key. Lame, vague goals create a lame, vague life. When you know exactly what you’re shooting for, you can achieve it.
Take action. To make your money/lifestyle dreams a reality, take every action you can think of and be aware of the opportunities the Universe is presenting. Raise your prices, find new clients, look for a higher-paying job. What position can get you to your desired income level? Do everything humanly possible to magnetize your desired income level to you while also surrendering to the Universe. Be on the lookout for unexpected sources of wealth.
Since you’re leaping into a new life, look for opportunities or people not in your usual path of income. Be aware that the timing is up to the Universe. The unexpected windfall/opportunities can come in a day or it can take years. Stay the course, keep the faith, and know the Universe is moving it toward you.
Learn more. Keeping your frequency high is like a muscle. One way to build up this muscle so you can manifest your dreams is to read wealth-consciousness books. The author recommends Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles. Find books that work for you and read them for half an hour every day.
Surround yourself with inspiring people who have a healthy relationship with money. Always be on the lookout for the coach/mentor/book or learning opportunities that can bring you closer to your dreams. Keep your positive financial mindset strong and unwavering.
Love yourself.
Money isn’t just about money. It’s about how you see yourself.
It’s important to clearly understand how you feel about money. What are your deeply ingrained beliefs about money? Are these beliefs holding you back from creating wealth and living the kind of life you want to live?
It’s time to rewrite your story around money. Write a letter to money as if it were a person. (“Dear Money, It seems that you’re never around when I need you...”) Get down all your feelings about money — confusion, resentment, longing, ignoring, whatever emotions you have.
Now break this letter down line by line and catch yourself in your lies and misconceptions. Flip it around and create an affirmation around the idea of “money comes to me all the time.” What does your affirmation say?
Sometimes we want something so badly and work tirelessly to achieve it, but end up pushing it away because we’re afraid. We try to control our circumstances via our old patterns and limiting beliefs. We try to take charge, which is fear-based thinking.
The answer is to surrender, allowing The Universe to do its job. Allowing is love-based thinking. Surrendering isn’t letting go or giving up; it’s releasing the outcome to The Universe and having faith that our deepest desires are coming into our lives.
It’s like hiring a cleaning person. You instruct them but then leave them alone, trusting they’ll do the job. If you hover and try to do it yourself, you stop yourself from reaping the benefits that inspired you to hire them in the first place.
Since energy needs to flow or else stagnate, surrendering puts you in the flow. Surrendering not only creates the space to manifest your desires, but opens you up to things outside of your own realm of imagination.
Since you’ve never seen your new reality, you may not know exactly what it will look like. Maybe it will look exactly as you pictured it. Maybe it’s so awesome you couldn’t have conceived of it. Don’t hold on to the exact vision of what you want; instead be open to something even better.
Sincero recounts an experience where she had to remind herself that surrendering is key, and it’s important to keep the faith no matter what.
At the time this book was coming due to her publisher, she was living nowhere in particular; traveling the world, living life on her own terms, and having unshakable faith in the not-yet seen. Her “go with the flow” mindset worked great; an apartment in Tokyo came up for rent when she decided to visit the city, a Spanish house with friends came available out of the blue when she was in Spain, and she kept crossing paths with friends in distant parts of the world. All of these things were evidence that The Universe was giving her exactly what she needed.
Still, with a month left before her book was due and finding herself in need of a place to stay on the West coast, she panicked a little. She envisioned a beautiful, sunny house where she’d finish her book, but nothing was available and her emails and text inquiries yielded no offers.
Instead of having faith in The Universe, she felt like she’d blown it and resigned herself to living with her mom. But she caught herself; she was writing a book about not going through life fearful and small-minded, and here she was doing the exact same thing. She got a grip, calmly envisioned her ideal writing space and really felt it in her bones. She surrendered to The Universe and even celebrated the house that was sure to land in her lap.
She sent out one more mass email to ask if anyone knew of a great place, and a friend emailed back that she knew of the perfect situation. She ended up in a big, beautiful house in a great location near friends to finish her book.
When you are in a state of surrender, you believe everything you desire — and even things beyond your wildest dreams — already exists. Here’s a quick breakdown of how to surrender:
Lots of people really want to change. They invest time and money into it, signing up for courses or reading self-help books, but they never do anything with it all. Ultimately, they don’t want to leave their comfort zone to actually make anything happen.
What separates the successful from the unsuccessful is the willingness to get and stay uncomfortable. They keep pushing through new challenges, not sliding back into their comfort zone once they’ve conquered one challenge. Successful people make a habit of getting uncomfortable, moving through each new challenge instead of settling.
Succeeding is like a muscle; you have to exercise it to keep it strong. If you overcome a challenge but then sit back and wait for good things to happen, you lose your muscle mass.
Instead, when you keep moving, pushing through obstacles, you’ll continue to grow and learn, breaking through to more and more levels — and new levels bring new challenges.
Facing and moving through obstacles and challenges bring growth. It’s like birth — messy and painful, but ultimately bringing forth the miracle of new life.
However you want to upgrade your life, it’s available to you right now; you have to decide to make it happen and let The Universe work for you. Here are some concrete tools to utilize.
Lose Your Bad Habits. Habits are all the things we do without thinking that help define who we are. If you’re in the habit of getting up early and working out, you’re in shape. If you’re in the habit of never doing what you say, you’re unreliable.
Take a look at areas of your life where you’re lacking. What bad habits keep you stuck? Trade those habits for the kinds of habits successful people possess, such as good time-management habits, decision-making habits, good thought habits, good health habits, good work habits, and good relationship habits.
How do you form a good, new habit? Make it a non-negotiable part of your everyday activities. For accountability, turn to a coach, mentor or friend.
Breathe. It’s not good enough to be connected to Source Energy only when meditating; you want to carry the high-frequency good energy with you all day. You can do this through breathing. In stressful situations — getting yelled at at work, stuck in traffic — take a moment to breathe deeply. This helps you become present in the moment and connect with Source Energy. Making this breathing exercise a habit will help create positive changes, bringing you calm and helping you carry Source Energy with you all day.
Surround yourself with positive, successful people. Who you surround yourself with affects how you see the world and how high you set the bar for yourself. If you hang out with tired, broke, negative whiners, you’ll be pulled down. But if you hang out with people who live with purpose, successfully meeting challenges, you’ll have more incentive to follow suit.
Set honest goals. Discipline is a muscle that you have to build at your own pace or you set yourself up for failure. Set honest goals just outside your comfort zone and build from there. For example, if you rarely get off the couch, don’t vow to run 10 miles a day. Rather, start with half a mile a day.
Read your manifesto — a lot. Write down your vision of an ideal life. Write in the present tense and be as specific as possible. Where do you live? Who do you live with? What are you wearing? How much money do you make? How do you give back to the world? Be specific and make it awesome. Read this manifesto before you go to bed and when you wake up. The more you focus on who you’re becoming, the faster you’ll get there.
Get help. Getting a coach or mentor can help you make faster changes in your life. Think about professional athletes. They continue to get coaching to stay at peak performance level and keep growing. They don’t decide they’re good enough as is and become complacent.
Get physical. Using your body, along with your mind and soul, gives you more power to create your ideal life. When you’re in shape and have tons of energy, you can better overcome challenges and reach your goals. If you’re in a bad mood, stand up tall and straight and your mood will lift. Get the blood flowing; eat nourishing food and breathe deeply. The author suggests even pounding your chest and pumping your fists in the air as you repeat your affirmations. Yell, “I am powerful! I am confident!”
Figure out what makes you feel great. Surround yourself with the things that make you feel awesome, whether it’s a song playlist, clothes you feel great in, or pictures of people who think you’re fantastic. Do what it takes to keep your energy high and stay in the Zone.
Love yourself.
It’s time to exercise your success muscle.
Think of a time you overcame a challenge. How did it feel? Did you sit back and relax afterwards or did you move on to a new challenge?
Losing bad habits and replacing them with good news habits is one way to fortify yourself to soldier on, continuing to slay challenges and grow. What are your worst habits — the ones you think are holding you back the most?
What are some new, positive habits that you could install that would help you succeed — and keep succeeding?
Whatever you desire to do with your life, be it start a business, lose weight, build an orphanage or direct movies — believe it’s possible, available to you, and that you deserve it — no matter what anyone else thinks or believes is possible.
Give yourself the permission and the means (i.e., money) to do it. You’re here to shine and light up the world around you, and doing the things that bring you joy light you up.
Know that you’re powerful, loved and surrounded by miracles. Love yourself — you are a badass!